Of straws and camels’ backs
There are moments when you decide you’ve had enough.
This is one such moment.
All but a week after Xmas, and the blue underwear remains unworn.
Over a year after last Xmas, and half the red underwear is still either unworn, or as good as.
Without a hint of malice, or sarcasm, when my Wife was in the shower this morning, I placed Her new blue underwear on the bed. When She came out of the shower, having seen it, She came to find me.
Her: Is that a hint?
Me: Sort of.
It was a hint, but one that was supposed to say wouldn’t you like to wear it.
Me: If it’s the wrong thing we can take it back.
We busied ourselves with morning rituals, and when I went back into the bedroom She looked like She needed a hug, so I gave Her one.
She reiterated that She thinks the lingerie is pretty, but She doesn’t like bras that have seams that could show through a t-shirt.
That was an excuse. I pointed out (as gently as possible) that She’s been wearing either a sweater or cardigan over Her t-shirt all week and no one could possibly have seen Her bra line.
I said if She didn’t like it we could take it back. (Note the “we”.)
She said we could exchange it.
I agreed, if that was what She wanted. I said it was ok. I meant it. It was meant to sound like I meant it. The conversation didn’t go much further.
10min of childcare later and I’m grumpy. That’s what kids do to you sometimes.
I had my shower, and as I did, the clouds descended on me.
I’m sick of trying hard and getting things consistently wrong. I’m sick of the ingratitude. Fuck it!
I went downstairs, and laid out breakfast for the rest of the family. Every option I could give them, because fuck knows, if I don’t, what ever I put out for them will be wrong.
I went back upstairs to my desk – I have work that I need to do. I have things I can do that will thankfully keep me away from my family. Fuck them!
We pass briefly outside the study.
Her: I think it’s the wrong size.
No she doesn’t. It’s an excuse. It’s the same size as the red bra and briefs She deigns to wear occasionally. It’s the same make. It’s the same fucking size. It’s another excuse.
Me: I’ll take it back and get my money back.
(Note the “I” and the “my”.)
She said something, I don’t remember what, but it was hollow. I reminded her that half of what I bought Her last year hasn’t been worn. She disagreed, and numerically She may actually be right, but I pointed out that in terms of money, She was wrong.
Her: We’ll talk about it later.
I wonder if we will.
I wonder if I will say what needs to be said.
I wonder if She’ll listen.