Missing = Panic
When I got home last night I was looking forward to putting on my favorite porno DVD, catching up on some sex blogs I’ve not read in far too long, and probably finishing off with a good hard thrash at my cock. A perfect evening, you might think.
Things did not quite go to plan.
As mentioned yesterday, my Wife is away for the weekend and I have reverted to my natural state of uber perv. And having got home from the pub, paid off the babysitter, and said goodnight to my Wife on the phone, my first port of call was my Little Wooded Chest of Naughty Secrets to fetch my current favorite skin flick for a little background inspiration. (Here’s a screen grab, just to help you picture the scene.)
One small problem.
The case for the DVD was there.
The disc wasn’t in it.
What had I done with it?
After some thought, I remembered the last time I saw it : several months ago I was away from home over night and took the DVD with me to entertain myself whilst I performed my bed-time relaxation exercises. I’d taken the DVD out of it’s case and left that at home … but what the hell had I done with the disc on my return? At home I have sex toys, pervy clothing and porn secreted away in various places, but I looked everywhere I could think of, and I’ll be damned if I could find it. Bottom of my bed side drawer, back of my sock drawer, the back of my bottom (junk) drawer, one of the pockets in my motorcycle luggage, between the lining of my rucksack, the cupboard in my desk, and of course my Little Wooded Chest of Naughty Secrets; all were checked and there wasn’t a sign of the disc anywhere.
I was pretty sure I’d just put it somewhere safe, though it wasn’t inconceivable I left it in my laptop and my Wife found it. Jeez, I hoped not. Which left me pondering what She’d do if She did find any of my porn. I know She’s opposed to porn on (feminist) principal, despite the fact that I’m confident that She’s never actually watched any proper porn, but would She say anything? Would She confront me? Would She dispose of it silently? Would She ignore it? I genuinely don’t know.
Thankfully this morning I found the disc when I chanced upon a bag I rarely use, but had taken away with me. And tonight I’m sat on the sofa in nothing but my rubber thong, and sex blogging with my porno running on the TV. And as soon as I’ve uploaded this post I think I’ll almost certainly be having a vigorous wank, and purging my balls with the assistance of this delicious anal scene.
Of course this incident has made me think two things: firstly I really do need to check where I’ve stashed everything, and secondly I need to be a bit more careful where I leave it.
Or perhaps I could leave something out for my Wife to find.