More conversations should be like this

(I wish I could say this was my story, Dear Reader. It is that of a friend and, whilst I can’t vouch for it’s veracity, I sincerely hope it’s true.)

Cycling home tonight, my friend stopped at traffic lights next to a car with it’s roof down. The driver’s phone rang and, being responsibly connected to a hands-free kit,  the phone automatically answered. It was his girlfriend / wife / lover / mistress / fuck buddy. The conversations went something like this …

Dave : Hello?
Fifi : Hi Dave, it’s Fifi.
Dave : Hi Fifi, how’s it going?
Fifi : Great, thanks. Listen, can you pick up a pack of condoms on the way home? And I’ve run out of batteries for my rabbit, so if we’re going to play with it tonight, you’ll need to get some of those too.
Dave : Err … sure.
Fifi : Oh, and can you get some milk as well?

My friend looked at Dave.
Dave looked at him.
My friend did the only think appropriate in the wake of such a conversation, and gave Dave a big wink and a thumbs-up.
The lights changed to Go, and both headed off into the night, my friend grinning like a Cheshire cat, knowing that Dave was definitely getting some action tonight.