Ignorance is bliss

Talking about sex doesn’t help.

When there is so much that needs to be resolved, all it does is highlight the fact that there is so much that isn’t going to get resolved. That the two camps are so disparate. It shows how chalk and cheese are relatively similar: they both contain calcium, carbon and oxygen, and are crumbly solids. The sun and the moon, by contrast, merely have coincident orbits: beyond that, their structure, behaviour and evolution have little in common. The sun cannot change significantly without catastrophic results. If the moon is a lifeless, inert rock and even if it could change, who would notice?

Me : You could have so much better sex, if you’d let me.
Her : I don’t feel I’m missing out.

Me : You want me to focus on me. Well stroking your tits and pussy is focussing on me. I like touching you. I like going down on you. No, I love going down on you. It’s a turn on for me.
Her : Sometimes it’s a turn off for me.
Me : You say sometimes, but I don’t think you’ve ever let me.
Her : I’m sure I have.
Me : Well not in the last 10yrs.
(The truth is, and I struggled not to say this, is that I know I’d remember if She had. She’s never let me play with Her clit. She’s had my fingers in Her cunt maybe only 3 or 4 times. She’s let me go down on Her twice. I know these things, because they are important to me.)

Understanding the problem sometimes helps fix it.
Sometimes it just underlines the problem and dispels hope.

7 Responses to “Ignorance is bliss”

  1. Dear A.M.,
    I only clicked the “like” button for your statistics. I hear such Sadness. I have No Doubt You Love your Wife. I do understand there is more to a marriage then sex. What saddens me is, I gather from what you express there is no Sexual Connection, Lust and Desire from your Wife. I have to ask myself, I know you have been married for quite a period of time. Had your Wife experienced a trauma sexually related? As a Woman, I ponder why she appears not to allow herself to experience all the pleasure you want to give her sexually? I know some Woman feel self conscience about their essence, I can appreciate that. From what you write, I gather You are Loving, Gentle, Compassionate, and really want to Pleasure her. This is not about you, although having her interact with you sexually would give You much pleasure. This does not require an answer. Just an outsider, observation in trying to understand why.
    Your Friend,
    Anastasia

  2. Chalk and Cheese I thought you were going to relate that in some mind altering new way to look at the difference between your approach to sex and hers. You know I was at dinner with girlfriends and one woman, married at least 18 -20 years?? asked another – “You really like doing that? ( fellatio) and the friend just told her yes. What got me was the one who asked had this dead look in her face like giving head was some impossibility and I just felt a loss for her husband that I know. It made me wonder if he’s just accepted that she’ll never do it. I won’t ask and frankly, I don’t want to know their sex life. It’s sad to me. I wish your wife understood how much you love her and simply want to give her and you all kinds of pleasure. I kind of thought what AS mentioned. Something probably happened to her.

  3. Well, I’ve been on both sides of the fence, so it’s difficult for me to say much. One day maybe I’ll be able to discuss my own lack of enthusiasm for sex for the longest time. I know for me it was due to the depression that was bugging me. But maybe also to the fact I was wondering, somewhere in the back of my mind, whether I was where I was supposed to be, with the person I was supposed to be with. This is probably not what you want to hear (or read). Sorry.

    Having been the “unwilling” party, I commend you for sticking it out. And give her time. I cannot help but wonder, as both commenters above : is it possible she had some kind of trauma as a child? Or is it possible that she’s suffering from depression and doesn’t want to acknowledge it to herself, let alone the rest of the world?! It took me 7 years and the birth of a child to accept it. Maybe because, then, it was OK to be depressed, there IS something called post natal depression, so it was good enough an excuse…

    And hten having come around myself, I can not help but wonder : how long will you be able to hold it together, while negating part of your true, kinky self?…

    So here’s to hoping the communication really manages to get through. So that hope (and other things) can get back up…

    XO

  4. And I disagree : talking about sex DOES help. At least to know where one stands. And what the other likes, or not. But I agree, it’s not necessarily the best thing for hope…

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