A sense of unease

Having accepted Amory Jane’s Mistletoe Challenge I’m delighted to say MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!!

I don’t know, but I suspect I gave up trying to initiate sex with my wife about 7yrs ago. And we’ve been married for nearly 5. Not a good state. And until we had a child, we did have some semblance of sex life. But since our libidos are significantly different (I have a wank nearly every day and sometimes more often, and given the opportunity I am confident I’d be very happy to fuck every day; my wife has never seemed similarly motivated) it always seemed to be me trying to initiate, and far too often my advances were politely rejected. It got to the point where i felt like i was pestering her an in acute frustration, I gave up. When She wanted to fuck, or I suspect more likely when She wanted me to be fucked, I was more than happy to acquiesce and to do my very best to pleasure her. But my efforts became exclusively a response.

I have resolved to change this.
To rekindle our sex life. And as such, Jane’s challenge spurred me to challenge myself to turn over in bed, wrap my arms around my wife, and purposefully stroke her arse.
It worked.
She responded, and we had (what for us was) pretty good sex. Unusually i was on top (I shall discuss this another time). She came, which is always my primary concern. And then She was determined that I should also. And we were heading in the right direction. She was stroking my balls, tweaking my nipples, and I was allowed to turn the light on and enjoy the sight of her body as I fucked her.
And this is where I started to feel uneasy.

She’d had her orgasm, and the emphasis was now on me. And we were communicating (for a change). And we could see each other’s faces (for a change). And I was getting to fuck her (for a change – usually I’d say the balance of power is slightly different when we get to her wanting me to empty my balls). All the “power” and control were with me (for a change). And I could penetrate her lovely cunt at a speed and depth that perfectly suited my needs (for a change).
And I felt quite uneasy about this.
She wasn’t entirely passive. She wasn’t just lying and taking it. But I unexpectedly felt like all I was doing was just banging away at her. Selfishly. She wanted me to cum. She wanted me to be satisfied. She seemed happy for me to do what I needed to do and was happy for her body to provide me with my pleasure.
And it did.
Damn, it felt good knowing that thrusting my cock into her was something I’d initiated. That it had lead to me watching her tits bounce and pussy wrap itself around my shaft. And knowing we were fucking because I wanted to, I savoured each final stroke, sinking as deep into her as possible becore filling her with my cum.
But I did not feel comfortable with it.

As I slumped, breathless and sweating on top of her, She posed the question “Are you Ok?” I hinted that all was not perfect, but this was not followed up by either of us.
In a well adjusted relationship it should be. We should communicate such things. But we have rarely ever talked about sex and on our road to sexual recovery, I think we have many miles to travel yet.
Maybe I need to set myself a series of Jane’s Challenges.

4 Responses to “A sense of unease”

  1. Gillian Colbert Says:

    You’ve taken the most important step … the first one. Best wishes!

  2. I felt anxious, sad, excited, and hopeful throughout this post. I hope that next time you have this kind of experience and she asks you the state of things you find a voice you’re comfortable with. xx

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