I feel a bit of a fraud

It’s always nice to be noticed, and even nicer when someone tells you they think you’re doing a good job. After all, who amongst us does not like to be told “Oh yes, that’s it, ooooooh that’s so fucking good, don’t stoooooop” when we’re going down on our lover? And so it is with blogging. It’s all very well writing all this crap and just sticking it up on the internet, but if no one reads it, what’s the point? Granted, for some of us, it’s a way of working through things in our heads, but we can do that with a Bic biro and spiral bound notepad. By publishing our work for all to see implies a desire to be told we’re hitting someone’s metaphorical G Spot, which in turn, for most of us, is pretty satisfying.

I’ve always enjoyed making my lovers cum, and the louder and longer the better. In some respects I think I probably get more from my lovers’ orgasms more than my own. And although I’ve only been blogging a for short time, I am finding it similarly gratifying. I am enjoying the writing process, but it is really cool to watch the Site Stats clocking up viewers and to have strangers participate and make comments. (I think I may be inadvertently tying this in with Gillian’s post today about feedback.)

Anyway, the point I’m leading up to is how completely blown away I was to have my blog recommended by Gillian. (I won’t give you a link to her post as I’m almost embarrassed by the accolade.) It’s nice to have been noticed, and it’s even nicer to have been told someone thinks I’m doing a good job. So why do I feel a bit of a fraud?

I never intended this to be a blog about me fixing my relationship with my wife. Our sex life has always been mediocre at best and I wrote it off when our child was born. I had given up and in my head I was just going to spend the rest of my life jerking off and, despite the up side of that endorphic rush, ultimately feeling crap about it. What motivated me to try to turn things around, I’ll never know. The fact that the decision coincided with me starting to blog may or may not be unconnected – maybe it provided me with a way to clear my mind. But the fact remains that to date, this blog has not taken it’s intended path. This was supposed to be me publishing inappropriately intimate details about sex I’ve had with previous partners, about my dirty little secrets, kinks and fetishes, about all the porn mags I’ve knelt over, the sex toys I’ve bought, the days I’ve fucked like a god and the days I’ve jerked off like a lonely teenager with bad acne who can’t even get a snog, my sexual triumphs, failures and indiscretions. Indeed this blog in itself was expected, maybe even intended, to be a shameless indiscretion.

So to end up writing about a positive change in my current relationship, and to be told I’ve been doing a good job is kind of weird.

I still want to tell you, Dear Reader, of all these things. But it’s different now. I’m really enjoying being positive abut sex. The down side is that I may be enjoying it all too much and blogging is starting to get in the way of the house work (I’m sure it would help if I wrote shorter posts, and it’s a pleasant change for the house work to not be playing second fiddle to me having a fiddle, but hey …)

And the fact that so far I’ve ended up talking more about reviving my marital sex life than I intended makes me feel it’s time for a little (temporary) change. I need to briefly take off my Devoted Husband uniform for a while, and run down these virtual streets in a rubber gimp suit, exposing myself to anyone looking my way, and then stuff my cock into the first topic I slump over and hump away at it till I ejaculate my ill formed thoughts all over your computer screen.

In a previous, brief incarnation of this blog, some 5 years ago, I shared a few of my lascivious thoughts in an unashamed manner. (FYI I couldn’t remember how to spell “lascivious” so I googled it and stumbled across Lascivious, an amazing British lingerie designer. Check them out – they’re far from cheap but you can fuck me with Howitzer if they’re not sexy!)

So although I do expect to keep you fully up to date on how much my Wife and I are getting hot, sweaty and out of breath, I shall be digging some posts out of my old blog, brushing them off, adding a little sparkle that more accurately reflects my current mindset, and presenting them for your lecherous delectation. This should mean more varied subjects in the short term, and give me a little more time to do the laundry and dusting.

And for the record, no that’s not me in the picture. I wish I had abs like that.

17 Responses to “I feel a bit of a fraud”

  1. You know… I kind of like reading about a man who is trying to re-build his sex life with his wife. It is nice to glimmer into your head time to time to see what, why and how you are trying. It is kind of interesting for me. One of the ways I am learning is through your blog!!! I truly do enjoy what you are doing now.

    But I cannot wait to see how you plan to spice it up!

    • Woman, I genuinly wouldn’t try to learn from me if I were you. But I’m glad you’re finding it interesting and I hope you’ll find my upcoming posts titlating. I can think of nothing finer than knowing my audience will read my blog with their hands down their pants. (Ok, I conceed, it would be much much finer to know my Wife read it with a hand down Her pants, but not even in my wildest dreams.) I shall try not to disappoint.

  2. Don’t you think that blogging your efforts to improve your marital relationship is supporting that effort? Not only do you get some feedback from the wife but from us, too. The wife is probably as down about the relationship as you are, so you could quietly say to yourself ” f**k it, I can’t be bothered” and get away with it. With us 1000s of supportive readers having a minds-eye POV picture you can’t get away with it so easily. Or won’t be allowed to;-)

    Remember, too, that you are now the poster-boy for failed relationship repair! Many are avidly watching and hoping to see if it can happen in real life. If that does not dent your erection nothing will.

    • Your possibly right – a problem shared is a problem halved. And I’m quite sure my Wife has worried about “Us”. I’m also very happy to be cheared on by so many lovely people as I fuck my Wife, though I suspect She’d rather you weren’t watching.
      Poster-boy? Very funny, even flattering, but no, have no such delusions. And just because there are 1000s of supportive readers metaphorically cheering as I cum (and to date there have only been 276 views of my blog, and many of those will be from repeat offenders) don’t think for a minute that I will be suffering from Brewer’s Droop any time soon 😉

  3. Gillian Colbert Says:

    You have to write where the inspiration takes you. For me, I love the insight into the male mind. 100% of it, so if that’s horny fantasies that’s great and if that’s loving your wife, that’s great too.

    The only thing important is that you write what you want to. It’s your blog after all.

    • Very true Gillian, but if I loose my audience, my blog just becomes a Note To Self.
      I shall do what I can to illustrate what goes on my head, as ridiculous, explicit and immature as it often is. (Hopefully you will need neither oxygen nor a sick bag. Hopefully you will make use of some tissues 😉 )

    • Gillian Colbert Says:

      The reality is you’ll always have an audience, the make up of individuals might change, but we are not truly as unique as we think we are. Beside, like gravitates to like. Whatever you write, someone out there is going to want to read it.

    • But from their writings, I quite like my current followers and would hate to loose them.

  4. confessionsofyourhusbandsmistress Says:

    i wouldn’t view it as fraud. Your honesty and humor are very entertaining and where you are today.

    • My feelings of fraud stem from the fact that I started this blog with the aim of sharing stories I should really share. While in a relationship that was failing, I wanted to turn myself on by exposing my sexuality to people not in that relationship. Wearing nothing but a metaphorical dirty raincoaat and flashing at strangers. It was all a bit like cheating on my Wife. Granted it’s turned into something bigger and better, and even to an extent, slightly more noble, but there’s degree to which I’m still cheating on Her. Ok, I’m not physically fucking anyone else, and it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that the blog has helped me want to fuck Her agian, but …
      I don’t know. I’m quite proud of my writing, and of the readers I seem to be slowly gathering, but I am not particularly proud of why I am doing it.
      But thank you.

  5. fyeahandroidtomato Says:

    This is a great post. Totally understand what you say about the hit counter!

  6. wow – just read about 5 posts for the first time. You’re very interesting and how nice that this has turned to something positive from something failing (marriage/wife) Your doubts or fraud-like feelings sound totally normal but from an outsider’s perspective, you couldn’t have known how blogging was going to morph into many other things than what you originally intended. I’m amazed at how my mind has “blossomed” from reading other blogs with real feelings… I only intended to keep a digital diary of my feelings. It’s turned out to be much more fun, and so enlightening on many psychological aspects which turns into growth. I also love the erotic side very much! nice to meet (follow) you.

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