The price I’ve paid for sex

An entirely unrelated and random conversation recently made me wonder how much money I’ve ever spent on sex, without actually procuring the services of a paid assistant. And being the bored little perv that I am, I thought I’d try to work it out. As I put the list together I found it quite enlightening, and pleasing,  to realise the variety of toys, clothes, porn and general sexual paraphernalia I have purchased over the years. It seems I’m quite eclectic in my taste.

Parts of the list will seem entirely unremarkable, whilst other sections may be a little unexpected, and will quite likely raise both eyebrows and questions. Fret not – all these questions will be answered in time, or sooner, if necessary.

This is roughly how it breaks down. (And I’m impressed I can remember in so much detail, even if many of the prices are estimates.)

Porn mags

I started buying porn mags when I was 15 and the only thing that really stopped me buying them regularly was the internet.

  • 15-18 yrs of age – Mayfair magazine, every month. Throw in a couple of issues of Playboy, Penthouse, Fiesta, Razzle and a particularly expensive fetish magazine called Shiny (£10 and sold to me with a very friendly grin by an elderly woman behind the news agents counter) Total est £100
  • 18-19 yrs of age – I shared rooms in my first year at uni so it was probably a bit of a dry spell.
  • 19-27 yrs of age – lots more mags – Men’s World, Electric Blue, one Whitehouse and Club probably 3 months out of every 4. Total est £250
  • 27-33 yrs of age – I was a dedicated fan of Club magazine, with a couple of issues of For Women (I was curious about women’s porn, and it turned out just a little bi-curious too), Posh Birds (for a laugh with a posh fuck buddy), Readers Girlfriends (I never managed to find Readers Wives) and 40 Up. Periods when it was every month and then several months without any purchases. Probably an average of one every two months. And one Rodox from a French sex shop. Total est £150
  • 33-34 yrs of age Forum every month with occasional issues of Club. Total est £50
  • 34 yrs of age and onwards. Having discovered internet porn, I only bought porn mags once or twice a year, and the title varied greatly. Total est £50 (I should probably factor in the cost of broadband, but I haven’t a clue what the cost would be.)

Total of about 150 porn mags in a bit over 25 yrs costing about £600

Videos, DVDs & books etc

I’ve not bought many porn movies, and only a few books about sex. I’d like to have the books out on our book shelves with all the “normal” works of literature, but I’m not sure it would meet with approval.

  • Cleopatra (VHS) £20
  • The Good Old Naughty Days (DVD) £15 (I love this so much – Victorian silent fluffing movies screened for customers in brothels whilst they were waiting to be serviced.)
  • A long forgotten VHS from a French porn shop £15
  • Street Heat (DVD, local sex shop) £20
  • The Room Mate Vol 1 (DVD, local sex shop) £15
  • La Blue Girl Returns (DVD, local sex shop) £15
  • Catalogue of vintage erotic post cards (eBay) £5
  • A handful of vintage erotic post cards (eBay) £30
  • The Sins of Our Fathers Vol 1 and Vol 2 (Erotic Print Society website) £20 each (Beautifully presented coffee table books full of Victorian porn.)
  • A couple of hard core graphic novels, including Bonnie and Claudia (Large comic book store) £20
  • Sex Tips For Girls (Local book store) £7
  • A couple of erotic novels (Probably from railway station news stands) £10
  • Girl with a one track mind (Book, Amazon) £8 (For those not familiar with it, this is a book that started out as an online sex blog. A must read for all who follower in her footsteps.)

Total £227

Sex toys

A few of these have been bought for partners, but the majority have been just for me. Experiments, or just lonely pleasures I’d like to share, but haven’t had the opportunity. My guess is, that despite recent changes, that shall remain the case. There may be some surprises in here for those who think they’re starting to get to know me, but the truth is most of us have our little kinks.

  • Vibrators,
    • Very plain, cheap white plastic type £10
    • Large lifelike model with foreskin £20
    • Rampant Rabbit £30
  • Butt plugs:
    • Some hideous, hard plastic, vibrating thing sold as an “anal porator” £10
    • Small, black standard Doc Johnson £5
    • 6″ purple, bobbley, vibrating anal probe £25
    • And I now have a Fun Factory Bootie £17
  • CBTtoys:
  • A cheap strap-on (bought on a lads’ weekend in Amsterdam for a fuck buddy, who wasn’t on the trip) £20
  • A pair of textured Ben Wa Balls (bought on the same Amsterdam trip but for a different fuck buddy, who wasn’t there either) £10
  • A beautiful pair of purple suede handcuffs £50
  • Riding crop £50 (This wasn’t intended as a sex toy, but you know how these things happen …)
  • Fleshlight £40 and replacement Wonder Wave sleeve £30
  • And assorted lubes £30

Total £627

Rubber, PVC & leather wear

Having read the list of sex toys, you may not be quite so surprised to read the following. I should emphasise that I’m not a hard core fetishist, I just love these fabrics and some of their connotations. But that’s another story.

  • Black PVC jeans £50
  • Black leather briefs £20
  • Black rubber briefs £15
  • Purple rubber thong £20
  • Red rubber cycle shorts £30
  • Black PVC shorts £25
  • White rubber zipped shirt £45
  • Purple rubber opera gloves £15
  • custom made rubber driving gloves £75
  • Anatomically correct condom (ie contoured & veined with scrotum) £7
  • Made to order purple rubber chap shorts with detachable thong £100
  • A couple of bottles of polish £20

Total £347

Underwear

I’m not including normal, day-to-day underwear in here, but the sort that is specifically sexy – the sort of pants you want to get into when someone else is wearing them, or visa versa. Again I shall expand on that in another blog entry.

  • Assorted panties, briefs, bras, G-strings and basques (hmmmm – basques) I’ve bought for girlfriends, est £500
  • Assorted underwear for myself, est £100

Total £600

Condoms

Count up number of sexual partners, estimate regularity of fucking, multiply by length of relationship, estimate the use of birth control pills / IUDs etc, add it all up, and it’s a real guesstimate, but I reckon rubbers account for about £100.

This brings us to a grand total of an estimated £2606 (+ p&p)
I know it’s not a lot compared to many die hard pervs out there (and considering a few items have been sold at a later date, so it is a gross figure, not net), and it certainly pales into insignificance next to the expenditure of committed fetishists, but it’s by no measure an insignificant amount of money, and I am nearly shocked. I guess it’s a bit like smoking – “imagine what you could have done with the money.” Well at least it hasn’t given me cancer!

Ad endum

As you will probably have noticed Dear Reader, I am a married man. If you have been thorough about reading my blog, you should also know my marriage has been somewhat dysfunctional for several years, and that my Wife has not had as colourful a sexual past as I have; lets be honest, her sexual history is best likened to the colour beige. (Not, I hasten to add, that I mean that as a criticism.) So it should not surprise you to know that whilst I still have most of the above (except for the porn mags) stored away in my Little Wooden Chest of Naughty Secrets, my Wife is oblivious to their presence in both our house, and my life.

18 Responses to “The price I’ve paid for sex”

  1. Gillian Colbert Says:

    You are a kinky little thing aren’t you … I can’t even begin to compare to this list. I’ve never bought any of these things. Your wife might be beige, but other than in my very racy, red imagination, I’m pure white.

    • The flood gates have indeed opened on my kinky secrets now, haven’t they? [Grin!]
      I seem to remember you like porn, so you’re not quite as pristine a shade of white as you might think. Beige doesn’t include porn.

  2. Gillian Colbert Says:

    *blushes bright red* Yes, I love porn, but I’ve never bought any. I guess, I’m just a shade of pink after all.

  3. Gillian Colbert Says:

    Yes, I’ve watched it online. I’d love to embrace my inner perv, but there are a few roadblocks, namely my guy’s reluctance. Frankly, I can’t figure out how your wife doesn’t know about so much of this. My guy might have some secrets, but I know I don’t have any from him. I can’t stand the burden of them.

    • Do you know why he’s reluctant? Does he know you’d like to? Could you break him in slowly … if you’ll pardon the expression. :-p
      Obviously I’m no expert on the sharing bit. Well, as much ad I’d like to, not recently anyway. L But I’m quite good at hiding things, both physically and otherwise.

  4. Gillian Colbert Says:

    I know a little bit of why … I’m not sure he and I are in a place to go there, but you never know.

  5. Interesting and clever post concept!

  6. Ooh! I’ve just remembered a couple more toys which I’ve added to the list.

  7. Wow, that’s a lot of dollar and such a varied list. *eyes widened* I’ve not read through all your past blog posts. Pretty amazing you can remember so much! Fascinating stuff though. I’ve probably spent about £500 on stuff over the last 10 years but I couldn’t name them all

    • You’re not the first person to comment on my memory. I’m crap at remembering names, I frequently can’t remember why I’ve gone up stairs, but I guess I’ve just got a head for all those little details, especially when it comes to sex.

  8. I do the walking into a room thing and forgetting why. Sex is more enjoyable than the mundane day to day, makes sense you’d make a memory bank for that 🙂

  9. wow, nice and kinky post!

    …if my list included the flight costs (the man I love is not the sugar daddy kind of type) it would be much more.
    … the pure toy-underwear-birth-control-list (I never bought porn) would be less then yours. Two lazy to make the bill, but I would roughly estimate around 1000 Euro.

    • 1000 euros is not to be stiffed at, and you’d probably beat me hands down when it comes to getting use out of your toys. Plus the furthest I’ve travelled for a shag is about 35 miles (round trip). You win.

  10. sexuallifeofawife Says:

    Gosh, you have indulged ; )

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