Falling asleep on the job

The inability to sleep can be a complete bastard, and I’ve been hit by it in a small way for about a month. I just don’t sleep for a full night and wake at least twice, if not more often. If I wake after about 4:30am there’s little chance I’ll get back to sleep. The few good nights sleep I have had recently have been when we’ve fucked, and we both know this. It’s not been discussed as such, but it’s not hard to do the maths.

When I tell you, Dear Reader, that we’ve not fucked in well over a week, it should come as no surprise to learn my sleep patterns have been deteriorating in parallel. So much for the momentum we had over the New Year and the first week or two of 2012. It hasn’t helped that we had a bit of a fight a few days ago (about toast … yes, TOAST for fucks sake!!!!) and the emotional bruising has lasted unusually long. (Did I mention this was about toast? Oy vey!) (Ok, it wasn’t about toast, it was about being an ungrateful, insensitive, control freak who adds nullifying codas onto apologies … but it started with toast.) (And breathe ………)

There’s been no make up sex this time and my attempts to initiate sex over the last couple of days have met with … well they’ve not really met with anything. And so I’m tired and horny, which is never a good combination, as it usually leads to me being a bit grumpy as well.

Before we went to bed last night She briefly mentioned my insomnia and said something like “I’ll see what I can do to help tonight.” We speak in code. Maybe that’s normal. Obviously what She meant was “you can fuck me tonight and hopefully that will help you sleep.” And once in bed we started with the usual gentle stroking.

It was nice having Her hand caress my chest, my stomach, my thighs, my balls, my shaft. It was nice having Her pull back my foreskin and squeeze my helmet. Apparently it wasn’t nice having me stroke Her leg, or Her stomach, or Her tits. When ever I tried to stroke anything except Her back She wriggled and flinched. Just like the good old days. So I backed off. Each time I left Her to play for a bit, and then tried again. Each time I met with the same rejection and my advances were forced to retreat. 15min or so on, I asked if She was ok, and She said that everything was just to cold, ticklish, or painful (mostly from neck and shoulder tension). No chance of getting her hot and wet then, and absolutely no chance of fucking. The prospect of a sexual sedative was disappearing fast. Oh well. I might as well let her jerk me off. So I did. But quite frankly I wasn’t really into it. I need my head to be engaged on some level if I’m going to cum, and as much as I appreciated Her attempt to give me a therapeutic sympathy wank, my head was not engaged.

She pumped away at my dick with Her fist for about 10min, and then Her breathing got heavy and Her hand slowed. My cock twitched, and Her fingers tightened back up and stroked my length again. Her breathing got heavy and Her hand slowed. I sighed in desperation, and She tightened Her grip and tugged away at my member. Her breathing got heavy and Her hand slowed and it sounded suspiciously like she was starting to snore. (Please save me typing by re-reading the last couple of sentences as if they were a continuation.) She eventually woke enough to realise she was falling asleep on the job, and apologised. I told her not to worry, and we both rolled over.

Minutes later She was fast asleep.
An hour later I was still wide awake and my tool was as rigid as it ever is.

A couple of months back, before the start of out sexual renaissance, my Wife asked me what I would do if I couldn’t get to sleep and she wasn’t around. I think she expected me to say I’d get up, read a book, watch some TV and/or have a whisky. Maybe She actually expected me to say I’d jerk off. At the time my answer was evasive, and certainly not the truth.

Having found myself awake and unsatisfied, last night I resolved to do just that. I started to stroke it myself. Not forcefully, not enough to shake the bed, but I did kind of want Her to wake up and find me doing Her job for Her. It was the sort of wank that wasn’t so much a pumping fist, but an unduating grip, my fingers tightening and relaxing in turn like some peristaltic fuck symbiote, my thumb rubbing at my glans, dripping with pre-cum, my index finger squeezing and flicking the ridge of my knob. As I felt my orgasm welling up from my balls She stirred and rolled over, and as much as I wanted Her to know I was going to succeed where She had failed, I backed off. It was a delicate balancing act, reducing my movement to a minimum without loosing momentum, but thankfully somehow I managed.

Now here’s a lesson for all those who’ve never enjoyed the benefit of wanking with a foreskin:
Firstly, I never need to lube my cock up to wank. My foreskin just slides smoothly back and forward. Nice and neat. No KY all over the bed.
Secondly, when I cum, at the critical moment I can tug my foreskin forward over my bell end, continue to rotate my fist to stimulate myself, and shoot my load into my enveloping hood. Nice and neat. No jizz all over the bed.

And so I did last night. I did wonder whether I could hold in 10days worth of semen because it, and I, just kept coming. But there I lay. My hand wrapped around my cock. Fingers tightly gripping my ballooned foreskin. My imagination collapsing into the pillows of someone else’s bed. (I don’t know who’s: I never constructed the face of this fabulous slut as she rode me hard, grinding her spasming cunt down on my bone as she screamed her orgasmic obscenities at me. She most certainly wasn’t my Wife.) And I got out of bed, still hanging on to my spent manhood, stumbled my way through the darkness, my juices oozing into my clenched palm, round the bed and into the bathroom, and I cleaned up and had a piss.

As I slipped back into bed, feeling like crap, She never moved.

Last night, despite masturbating, I woke pretty much every hour. It was the worst night’s sleep I’ve had in a very long time.

When the radio turned itself on this morning, I’d been staring at the ceiling, my hand wrapped around Old Faithful, for at least an hour. She rolled over, cuddled up, and said “Sorry, I failed my mission completely, didn’t I?”
What could I say?
“No shit Sherlock – no one has ever fallen asleep whilst tugging me off. Thanks for the passion. But don’t worry, it only took me a few minutes to satisfy myself better than you do.”
Of course I didn’t say that! I’m not that fucking callous. I just brushed it off and told her not to worry.

On Her return from the shower I made a point of getting out of bed straight away, and walked past her with my engorged prick as brazenly displayed as I could manage. I don’t think she even noticed.

How do I feel this morning?
Tired. Horny. Seriously grumpy. And perhaps even quite unloved. What I wouldn’t do for sleep and a fuck right now?!

27 Responses to “Falling asleep on the job”

  1. Gillian Colbert Says:

    I’m sorry … (no criticism in my next comment just curiosity) have you ever just directly addressed this with her? You seem to really letting her off the hook, but it seems to only be making you resentful and the math on that is very bad.

    Again, no criticism … I’m just really rooting for you guys.

    • Communicate? With my Wife? About something that drives my very existance in such a profound way as sex does? What a ridiculous idea. Of course not! Only a lunatic would make such an absurd suggestion.
      Ok, to be fair, communication has never been our strong point. And yes, I know I have a tendancy towards self destructive thought patterns. But I am trying. Honest I am. I know I need to make more of an effort (it would be nice to think she would too) so it is good to have a fairy goth mother sitting on my shoulder, jabbing me with her trident, and reminding me I’m playing the game like a complete twat. Thank you. 😡

  2. Gillian Colbert Says:

    LOL!!!! the image you created of me had me cracking up! You make me wish I could draw … the characters I would create! And I’d switch out my avatar depending on my role!

    P.S. I find myself becoming very “mother hennish” over the authors of the blogs I follow. I trust you’ll tell me to back off if necessary. I truly commend you on remaining faithful to your wife despite the issues in the bedroom when so many do not.

  3. Well as frustrating as your situation is, your post made me laugh.

    seriously: I see two issues you 2 could address: The lack of communication (maybe not only sexual) – and the deeper reason why she does not get turned on when you’re touching her. Past trauma, bad self esteem, the usual psychological speculations.

    • Glad I’m making you laugh. (Apparently women find funny men sexy. Am I? Am I? Oh please tell me I’m sexy!)
      (On second thoughts, probably best if you don’t. I’m trying to be monogamous.)
      I’m amused you think I/we have two issues to address – it seems I’ve revealed far less about myself than I thought. I have dozens of issues. Dozens!
      But to answer your questions, yes we do need to learn to communicate better. Sometimes we get it right. Most of the time we don’t. But I’m finding it easier to get my head round making that leap if I’m off loading my crap onto you guys. So your readership is appreciated. As for why she doesn’t like me touching her, that’s not strictly accurate: as I’ve documented, sometimes she does, and once or twice she RRREEEEAAALLLYYY does. But when she gets cold, tired etc, she gets ticklish. And then the on buttons turn to off buttons. I genuinely don’t think I’m doing anything wrong, but your question has prompted me to think I should ask.

  4. If you feel like it, you can write me (grumpy, frustrated…fucking angry…) at 4:00-5:00 am. Insomnia sucks. Sexually unhappy relationships suck and at times life SUCKS! I’m feeling a tad bit negative ce soir. Sorry. I liked your post. (and almost nothing else all day.)

    The Other Accidental Masturbator

    • Am I right in thinking you’re in a similar time zone to me: GMT +/- 1hr? I might take you up on the offer.
      Agreed, some times life does suck. And there’s always someone to tell you it doesn’t. So I won’t. Hope your day is picking up.
      I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who, despite what they intend and expect, finds them selves with their hand in their undewear and their fingers getting sticky. Keep on fiddling!

    • Cockadoodle-doo! 2 hours of Facebook and I’m in lovely form for a new day. I hope for you that you’re sleeping!

    • If you’re looking for cock-a-doodle-do on Facebook, I think there are far better websites you could visit. (Don’t forget you do still have some research on aesthetics to do for your homework.)
      I’m glad you’re in a better place this morning.
      I did indeed have a better nights sleep thank you. No longer, but She did keep me “up” into the early hours of the morning. Still a lot of work to do on the communication front, but at least we’re using our genitals occasionally.

  5. Sounds like my last relationship. Towards the end anyway. I never fell asleep on the job but there was a definite sense of ‘can’t be arsed’, which sucks for both parties. I have done the old take care of business while the other half sleeps. Not a whole heap of fun. Sex is definitely hugely important in any relationship and sounds like it is for you too. As much as I’d say you *should* sit and talk to your wife, life isn’t always that easy and could just open a massive can of worms. Hope you get something tonight 😉

    • Thanks.
      I’m quite jealous of girls sometimes, not least on the taking-care-of-business-without-anyone-noticing front. (I think I also have pussy envy … but that’s another story.)
      You’re right, sex is massively important for me (blog entry to follow at some point). I’m happy to open the can of worms in some respects, I’m just uneasy about what this can looks like when the worms are on the table.

  6. Haha, it’s not that easy! Pussy envy…hmm. I have cock envy, I think most girls do! As for the worms, you won’t know until you try I guess. Though I’d be stunned if your wife didn’t feel the same way on some level. Most people tend to notice when their sex lives deteriorate I think.

    • I’ll swap you my cock for your pussy. Just for a few fucks. Just to know. Deal?
      I suspect we both want to open our respective cans of worms. I guess the difference is I know how kinky my worm is. And I’m pretty confident if you add up all her worms’ kinky quotients mine will be the greater. For me it’s a case of what I think she will go with, and what I’m prepared to sacrifice.

  7. Haha, deal. A few days is all I’d need. I’d be the biggest ‘ho’ in London 😉

    Slowly, slowly, catchy, monkey – you don’t need to unleash all your kinkiness at once! Putting my advisor hat on (pfft, you should probably ignore this), I’d have thought the best thing to do is just address the basic sexual need for now. If she’s really, really vanilla, the kink might be too much to handle. If you can get your sex life back on track and to a level that suits you both, then you can introduce the kinky stuff. Both parties have to feel comfortable before being able to go a little…dark-side in my opinion :p

  8. Hehe, I’m newly single, got years of catching up to do. Plus, I’ve always thought that if I were a guy, I’d be putting it about left, right and centre. Just because I could 🙂

    • Of course you would, dear. As a young horny guy, all you need to get laid is a stiff cock and the will to shove it into some wet pussy. It is that simple. That’s why men never need to jerk off.
      I’ve always thought if I had a pussy I’d probably be a complete tart, but then again that would be because I had a male mind attached to it.

  9. Gillian Colbert Says:

    Aren’t we all accidental masturbators at some time? Is there really anyone who hasn’t gotten off while their partner slept? I mean, people aren’t always on the same wavelength at a particular moment.

  10. I talk to people a lot, all day long, actually, about their issues/thoughts/feelings. Barring communicating directly with your wife, I think you’re doing the right things: you’ve changed your habits to some degree, your expectations; you’ve taken risks where you once didn’t; and you’re seeking support.

    Momentum will only take you so far, as you may be experiencing now. The next step may be marital work done by the both of you, not just you. And shit like this often is a two steps forward, one step back sort of scenario. You guys have a years long pattern set. A few weeks of passion can’t reroute all your interactions, though it can certainly show you both a different way.

  11. sexuallifeofawife Says:

    Well, you certainly made me laugh aswell – the way you write allows the humor of your situation to come out…Shows the eloquence of your words ; )
    Have you tried supplementing with calcium and magnesium? Insomniacs are often lacking in these nutrients and taking some before bedtime can really help… There are also certain foods such as cheese and ham which have something in which can hinder sleep. I’m sure a google search could enlighten you…
    I think your wife, not wanting you to touch her, was her way of saying she didn’t want a fuck ; ) I guess you know this…

    • Thanks for the compliments on my writing. It means a lot.
      I’ve heard the cheese thing is an urban myth – I don’t know, but I do have a pretty good diet. I think a lot of the cause is stress.
      The fact that my wife didn’t want me to touch her is, I think, just a case of miswired physiology. If she gets cold it all goes wrong. Anyway, she initiated first contact on this one, so if she didn’t want to fuck I would feel somewhat aggrieved to be held responsible.

  12. confessionsofyourhusbandsmistress Says:

    The touching could very well be a deep seeded emotional issue she isn’t even aware of. I believe on of the bloggers before mentioned that possibility too.

    When I was married, my husband could not touch my right nipple without my ears itching. Couldn’t even stroke my breast. It was the strangest damn thing in the world. Now both breasts and nipples are in full play. I’m convinced the issue had to do with the marital problems we were having though I never did an official therapy investigation.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: