Valentine’s poetry

You’ve forgotten, haven’t you?

It’s Vallentine’s Day this time next week and you’ve not done anything about it.
You havent booked a restaurant, bought any new saucy undies, a new sex toy, or even chocolate body paint to excite your lover.
But what’s worst of all is that you’ve given no thought what so ever to the romantic poem you’re going to write in their card.

Well fret not. At Accidental Mastrubator Greetings Cards Inc, we’re here to help.
We’ve penned a few little ditties you can all have for free. They’re all simple little rhymes based on the classic Roses are red, violets are blue, etc etc etc, but each with their own horny little twist. And just because we love you all equally, boys and girls, we’ve penned some for both genders.

How generous are we? We know. We know. Yes, you’re all so so lucky. But don’t forget, a card and a poem won’t do on they’re own: you’re going to have to splash some cash if you want to splash some something else before that special night is out.

But in the meantime, help yourself to one or more of the following …

Roses are red
Violets are blue
So are the dreams
That I have about you

Roses are red
The grass it is green
My thoghts about you
Are completely obsene

Roses are red
Chocolates are chunky
I’ll be thinking of you while I’m
Spanking the monkey

Roses are red
Thier leaves can be ruffled
I’ll just need 5 minutes
For a five knuckle shuffle

Roses are red
With thorns that can prick
Any chance that tonight
You’ll be sucking my dick?

Roses are red
Gardening is fun
But not quite as much
As swalloing your cum

Roses are red
Their seeds are called Hips
I can’t get enough
Of fondling your tits

Roses are red
Crisanths are quite fussy
Especially for you
I’ve just shaved my pussy

Roses are red
Their thorns are not blunt
Would you mind if I burried
My tongue in your cunt

Roses can hurt you
Just like a thistle
I can’t wait for my ass
To be filled with your gristle

Roses are red
They grow in a bed
I will feast on your muff
While you’re giving my head

Roses are red
Just like my clit
Perhaps I should leave it
Alone for a bit

Roses are red
With thorns that can hurt
I can’t wait to get banged
And then watch as you spurt

Roses are red
Not green like the grass
I’ve bought a huge butt plug
To ram up your arse

Roses are red
Who knew? Poetry’s fun!
When my balls start to twitch
I shall spray you with cum

23 Responses to “Valentine’s poetry”

  1. Haha I love these! I just burst out laughing in a busy lift reading them…fab stuff x

  2. Hysterical! I particularly like “spanking my monkey!” Great job AM!

  3. AM, C’est magnifique! I’m bummed that I didn’t write it! Lovely photo as well!

    • I’m sure a poet such as yourself would struggle to pen anything quite so base and unsubtle 😉
      (I should perhapse point out I shall be using precisely none of these stanzas next week. Despite the current cold spell, I think hell will need to freeze over before they have the desired effect on ma belle.)

  4. Gillian Colbert Says:

    Loved these! I needed that laugh so badly this morning I cannot express the depth of my gratitude!

    My favorite was spanking the monkey too!

  5. confessionsofyourhusbandsmistress Says:

    Oh you have a future career here! LOL. Love these.

  6. Little Miss Says:

    I’m spoilt for choice as to what to write in his card now!

  7. sexuallifeofawife Says:

    Ha ha very comic and clever! Thank you for the laugh (really funny this time!!!)

  8. Hehe, very poetic. Truly very funny, I like spanking my monkey and blunt/cunt the most. 🙂

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