First porn

One sunny afternoon, at the age of 8, just before a PE lesson, most of the school were queued up waiting for the sports centre to be unlocked. A boy from a couple of classes above me produced a news paper from his bag and opened it to Page 3.

Those of you, Dear Readers, who have not spent any significant time in the UK, will probably not be acquainted with the cultural anti-icon that is Page 3. (Brits reading this may want to skip ahead to the next paragraph.) As ashamed as we probably should be, the top selling newspaper in the UK is The Sun, a tabloid owned by News Corp, and arguably most (in)famous for its daily feature on “Page 3“. How this qualifies as part of a news paper is hard to fathom, as it is essentially a picture of a glamour model baring her breasts for builders and delivery drivers the country over to gawp at whilst drinking their mid morning flask of tea. It is basically soft porn, dressed up as something to put a cheeky smile on the face of the nation. Somehow this has become part of our culture. (On a personal note, I should emphasise I am not opposed to porn, far from it, but do I believe it is something we should be more honest about, and it’s about time The Sun started referring to Page 3 as porn, just as we all know it really is. Ok, sanctimonious rant over. And getting back to the plot …)

One sunny afternoon, when I was 8, another boy pulled The Sun from his bag and opened it to Page 3. That day’s glamour model had long blonde hair and, although she was relatively modestly posed, was completely naked, save for a pair of knee length boots. For a boy of my tender years, it was a striking image, and one that has seared itself into my memory.

(As much as I wish I had a copy of the original image, this is not it. For one thing the model’s breasts were fully exposed. But this is very similar in terms of pose and composition.)

That was the last time I saw a picture of a naked woman for some time but about 4 or 5 years later there was some prepubescent banter at school about the magazines newsagents’ had on their highest shelves and I decided I’d do a little research. I was in the habit of going for a cycle ride around town in the early evenings and one evening I stopped off at a corner shop. With all the bravado I could muster, I casually walked in, surveyed the top shelf, and reached down a copy of something like Parade. As I excitedly thumbed through the pages, my pulse racing, I was expecting the shop’s proprietor to angrily confiscate the magazine and usher me out of the shop, but I was either not noticed or this was perfectly normal behaviour for a 13yr old boy. (To be fair, it probably was!) The only person who seemed aware of my indiscretion was an elderly lady who tutted noisily as she walked past me. The image that has stuck with me from that magazine was of a model draped over a step ladder; obviously she was meant to be decorating a room, and as she progressed through the photo set her increasingly naked body became increasingly daubed in paint.

(Again this is not the original picture. If nothing else it’s far more artistically posed than the photos I remember, and she’s not covered in paint.)

I repeated my visit to that top shelf a few times, but it was not a regular occurrence and thankfully, for the sake of a normal adolescence, as much as I was desperate to get to know girls, porn did not yet feature highly on my list of interests.

A year or so later I was in boarding school. I was in the most junior year in the boys-only boarding house, and it was clear everyone’s testosterone levels were rising. At some point, rumours started to circulate about a porn mag that was secreted amongst the pipework of one of the toilet cubicles. It was Razzle and the photo set that I remember having my first porn fueled wank to was of a model in wading boots. (I understand fetishism, but sometimes it is quite baffling how porn photographers choose to dress their models.)

(Nearly all the photos I could find of women in wading boots featured rather distracting fish, and weren’t nearly as explicit as the images I jerked off over in that toilet cubicle.)

Over the following year I became increasingly well acquainted with pictures of tits. This was however sold as art, as it was on the school library’s magazine shelves and within the pages of Amateur Photographer, or Amateur Pornographer as I have always like to think of it. A photography magazine, yes, but one which could invariably be relied upon to use at least one shot of a naked woman to illustrate the subtleties of aperture and shutter speed.

Again a year or two passed and I was a day pupil again. Occasionally I walked home, and I plotted to buy my first porn mag one such journey. I picked my route home so as to be off the main roads. The shop I targeted was nowhere near the homes of anyone I knew. And I had the right money ready in my sweaty fist. Purchase made, it was stuffed into my school bag and I furtively rushed home. Once alone in my bedroom, I flicked through the pages, entranced by the sights of bums, tits and pussies, all there for my own personal delictation. I read the interviews with the models, the dirty jokes, and in the accounts of readers sexual encounters I read how a woman “sank down on my purple helmet” whilst on a bus. This was wank heaven. And wank I most certainly did, though not in my bedroom – that was far too risky. Instead the magazine was tucked into the top of my trousers, and covered by my sweater (a technique I used a lot over the following years), and I calmly walked the few paces from my room to the bathroom. There I stripped from the waste down, sat legs spread wide (much as the models I was lusting over) and tugged at my cock till it dribbled with my sticky emissions.

I am a little confused about precisely which my first purchased porn mag was. I know which year it would have been, and I know what mag (Mayfair), but about which issue I am stuck. Having researched this, I’m pretty sure it was Vol 21 No 2 …

… but as I was trying to verify this I stumbled across a photo set of Tula, the amazing James Bond starlette who was born a boy on a vintage erotica forum. (About 2 thirds of the way down the page.) I clearly remember this photo set, and even the cover of the particular issue is familiar, but that issue is credited both here and elsewhere as about 3 years earlier than I am convinced I bought my first copy of Mayfair. Since I feel I owe it to you, Dear Reader, to be acurate in all I say, and because I have found myself quite nostalgic for my first encounters with pornography, I have ordered a copy of Vol 21 No2 from an online retailer. As and when it arrives I shall be scouring the pages for the purple-helmet/bus story as I have no doubt that will indicate it was indeed my first purchased issue.

(As I had the arduous task of trawling though old pornographic images from the 1980s, although I am not in the least surprised, I found it quite interesting to see how mainstream, high street porn has changed over the last 3 decades. Beasts seem to have grown considerably, no doubt by the proliferation of implants, glimpses of unshaven bushes have given way almost exclusively to bald cunts with lips spread wide, and cheeky grins have given way to mouths sucking wantonly on dildos. Whilst I am in favour of a neatly trimmed Brazilian, and I do like to see a pussy in all it’s glory, I do feel that it’s all got a little false, and is none the better for it.)

My first encounter with a porn movie was probably also at boarding school. Each Sunday night, the whole of our boarding house would congregate in the common room after supper, and watch a film rented on VHS. 25 years later it seems entirely incomprehensible that any school master would consider it appropriate to show Emmanuelle to boys ranging from 14 – 18yrs old, but I guess times were different back then. Admittedly, being amongst the 14-15yr olds, we were ushered up to bed before the whole of the film had been played, and although I have since seen the film, I have little recollection of it from that time.

All these images have stayed with me, some in surprising detail for 30yrs or more. And some, especially my first experience of Page 3, I suspect have had a definite impact on my sexuality, interest in porn, and possibly even some of my kinks and fetishes. But that, Dear Reader, is another story.

11 Responses to “First porn”

  1. I always wonder if it’s not a lot about the forbidden nature porn had when we were kids that makes us so turned on by it now. If you could have just read one of these mags at the diner table with your parents, would it have been as arousing? Actually, masturbating too for that matter. I rarely flip my own switch when anyone is around to witness it. I can come faster if I’m afraid of getting caught. Sometimes anyway.

    Take care AM!

  2. Gillian Colbert Says:

    My first porn was Emmanuelle in Bangkok on HBO late night. I specifically remember the threesome, the rest of the movie has faded.

    I found Hustler, Penthouse and Playboys over at my sisters house when I was young and loved looking through them but remember being so peeved that I couldn’t find any Playgirls. I wanted to see the cocks!

    Great share

  3. My mom had a subscription to Playgirl… Let’s just say I spent a lot of time in the bathroom with those… Ahhh… memories. 🙂 Great post Accidental!

  4. My dad had Playboys and my parents had sex books like Joy of Sex within reach (though the literature were high in my dad’s side of the closet and took at least 7 stacked pillows to reach, but reach it I did!).

    I also watched Blue Lagoon in the middle of the night at the age of 7 whilst my parents were sleeping and poured over a 101 X-Rated Jokes book I’d found.

    Images burned into my head were more word-related than anything. I remember feeling tingles in between my legs when I looked at the porn, but I got a lot more from the joke book, believe it or not. It was explicit and taught me what we do with our body parts specifically.

    My folks also had some sort of art sex book for kids where it showed actual intercourse in a beautiful black and white setting. I devoured it cover to cover and then it disappeared forever. I looked for it for years. I was less than 10 when I found it originally.

    As a parent, I’m not sure how I’m going to handle the sexual growth of my child. I certainly don’t want shame involved, but I don’t want to had out port mags, either…

    • You just reminded me of something from my childhood, Hy… We had a hunting camp and it had a library of old harlequin type romance novels… There was this book I found, probably in 6th grade, called Suzanne (I think. idk. I just googled it and can’t seem to find it). It was sooo kinky. Maybe that’s were my thoughts and desire for kink come from. Who knows. But it was hot. They had daisy chains and group sex and D/s… It had quite an impact on my 12 year old mind, and was one of the main source of many fantasies for years to come. I can’t believe I had forgotten about it! Thank you for spurring the memory!

    • Daisy chains? I can guess but I think I need to google that.
      I think kink may actually be in some of us naturally: coming to a blog post near you very soon.

    • With you 100% on the parenting thing. The skewed presentation of sex in porn is not the best education for kids. 30+yrs ago, when porn wasn’t so pneumatic and splayed, it wasn’t quite such a bad teacher for adolescents but these days I’m not so sure. (How old do I sound?!)

    • @ Hy – I worry too, especially since there is so much sex in my house. My kids are still young (my oldest is 5 1/2), but how do you explain a butt plug or a flogger if your tween stumbles across it?

      @ AM – I had to google, just to make sure I was right! A daisy chain is when you there are multiple people and they form a circle, mouth to member, until they are all connected. Often times, it is used in reference to gay sex, but not always. In the book that I was talking about, I think there were 4 or 6 people, male and female… Damn. Too early in the morning for my thoughts to be going this way already!

    • Thanks for enlightening me.

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