The thin end of the wedgie
In a world of ever improving sexual equality, there are still some areas where there is a huge gender gap. Not least when it comes to the way we present ourselves aesthetically. The are so many instances where women are expected to be visually sexual creatures, and this is no more evident than when it comes to underwear. If a woman isn’t wearing flattering panties, all too often she’s regarded frumpy, dysfunctional, slovenly, and she doesn’t even have to have the figure of a Victoria’s Secret model – she is still expected to wear skimpy undies. In my humble opinion it’s nothing more than an out-dated symbol of sexual hierarchy, and it’s time we put an end to it. So I am making a stand against it, even if this is a single handed crusade for
SEXY UNDERWEAR FOR MEN!
Ok, so this is somewhat insignificant in the fight against inequality, but I really do think it’s unfair that women get all the interesting underwear. Bras can be balconette, control, under-wired, push up, ¾ cup, peephole, halter neck, strapless. Then there’s briefs, thongs, boy shorts, French knickers, tangas, G-strings, low rise, high cut: the list goes on and on … basques, camisoles, corsets, baby dolls etc. Did I mention fabrics? From silk and lace to fishnet and satin. Don’t even get me started on colours!
What do men get? Y-fronts, briefs, boxers, trunks and vests. Typically cotton, Lycra at a push, and invariably in white or muted colours.
I’ll concede there are exceptions, but have you any idea how many high street stores stock gold G-strings or lace trimmed Gingham tangas for men? And should your male peers discover you’re dressing off piste, you can expect to never live it down. The most famous UK exponent of the male thong is the eponymous proprietor of Stringfellow’s lap dancing clubs, Peter Stringfellow. This infamous holiday snap found it’s way into the mainstream media, and he has been vilified regularly on TV shows ever since.
I wouldn’t say this is the most attractive photo ever (nor would I generally condone his apparent attitudes towards women), but he does get a vote of support from me for wearing a thong … especially in public. Fight the good fight, Brother!
Many years ago I put forward this theory to a bunch of friends in the pub whilst out with Geri (my Number 6). At the end of the night we went home and fucked (I can’t say that for certain, but we fucked a lot, so it’s a pretty safe assumption) and nothing more was said on the subject. Until a few days later, when Geri presented me with an elephant posing pouch and a pink men’s G-string.
Did I wear them?
Well, she’d heeded my rant and, albeit with a degree of piss taking, bought me a couple of presents. We weren’t strangers to sex games, and I was certainly intrigued. Yes, I wore them.
The elephant pouch wasn’t a great success. It was a cheap novelty item, it was a little uncomfortable, the trunk was too generously proportioned to fit my own trunk, even when erect, and it all looked absolutely as silly as it was designed to.
On the other hand, the pink G-string was an instant hit. Both with Geri and myself. The front fitted snugly, and held me in way that felt very sexy, and the string back felt delicious pulled up between my cheeks and against my hole. Geri liked the minimal coverage / maximum exposure, and the way it made my manhood look more pronounced.
Pandora’s box was opened, and for the next couple of years, 5 days out of 7, my Sloggi briefs were consigned to the back of the drawer, and an increasing number of thongs, strings and a few other more esoteric items of underwear were my undies of choice.
I say 5 days out of 7 as I was involved in a sports club, and twice a week my underwear would be revealed to a significant number of manly men who would doubtless have pilloried me later in the pub, had they seen my usual panties.
Although some items have since worn out and been consigned to the bin, the remaining roll call is as follows:
- white CK thong : I like this one particularly as it somehow allows my balls to dangle and be supported. Mysterious but a very nice effect.
- white Moschino thong : Nothing special about this one I’m afraid.
- white Sloggi thong : From the front, this just looks like an ordinary pair of briefs, but from behind … ooooh!
- charcoal grey Sloggi thong : Like the white pair.
- black Versace thong : My least favourite.
- black Hom Freddy thong : One of my favourites as it’s really small.
- red mesh Hom thong : Leaves little to the imagination.
- green mesh Hom thong: Like the red pair, except is has an iridescent sheen to it.
- black fishnet thong : If the two mesh thongs leave little to the imagination, this leaves even less.
- black silk boxer shorts : I’ve not worn these in years.
- black leather briefs : These are a little bit like that infamous pair of jeans – you’re just dying to loose a little weight so they will fit again. (The other down side is they have to be hand washed.)
- purple rubber thong : Another favourite, for the colour, the fit, the material.
- black rubber briefs : As mentioned in DLS #1
- red rubber cycle shorts : Not one for a hot day, but these really are like second skin.
- purple rubber knee length chaps with detachable pouch : I designed this myself and had them made to order. Not cheap but worth every penny.
- pink lace trimmed panties : bordering on cross dressing, in terms of style, but I don’t feel at all feminine in them. Why shouldn’t boys wear pink lace?
- tiny gold posing pouch : This barely covers anything and just makes me grin.
- and my most recent acquisition, a leopard print C-string : I stumbled across C-strings a year or two back, and as soon as I saw them on a female model I had to find one for men and add it to my collection. With no wasteband at all, it’s an interesting sensation to start with, but it’s impossible to forget what you are wearing!
Some of these were given to me by Geri, a couple were gifts from Fiona (my Number 7), and others I have bought myself. But regular readers will not be surprised to hear that (to the best of my knowledge) my Wife has never seen any of these, and certainly not seen me wearing them. For our wedding, my Wife bought new lacy underwear, and the morning after did comment that she thought I might have bought some new underwear for the day too, but she never gave any indication what she would have liked, and has never shown any other interest at all. My daily attire is invariably black cotton/Lycra briefs, trunks or tangas from Sloggi. (Black, because anything else is harder to get hold of, except online.)
For many people, even these are a bit .. well … not very manly underpants:
A friend recently got had a new tattoo done, and in the resulting conversation my own ink was mentioned. She had seen it before, a long time ago, but had forgotten what it was, so I showed her. It’s just a small icon on my hip, and if I wear full briefs or trunks, is entirely covered, but on the day in question I was wearing one of the tangas pictured above. I undid my belt and trousers and pulled them down at the side (FYI this is not going to get at all sexual), at which point my underwear obviously caught her eye. As the wasteband is nothing more than a broad elastic strip, and as the back panel (which is much like that of a full brief) wasn’t visible at all, she laughingly queried “You’re not wearing a G-string are you?” Thankfully, in the circumstance, I was not, I was unflustered by the accusation, and hopefully my answer was sufficiently prompt and negative to leave no doubt. Had my underwear been different, or had there been any hint of guilt in my denial, I can only guess at the consequences.
It frustrates me that even something like this is regarded as a little odd – I’ve only ever seen one other man wearing a tanga, and have never knowingly been in the same room as one wearing anything more exotic. And it frustrates the pants off me that sexy underwear for men is not more acceptable. If a woman can wear nothing but a sequinned triangle of cloth to cover her muff, why not men? If women can wear see though lace, why should they have all the fun? So for many years I have been making a stand about this, and I shall continue to do so. But only as long as no one else knows.