Position vacant: Personal shopper

It’s time to buy some new underwear. No, no, no. For me, Dear Reader, not for my Wife! Only 3 of the 7 items I bought Her for Xmas have so far been worn; of those, one has only been worn once, and the other 5 still have the retailer’s tags attached. No, there’s no point in me throwing good money after bad and investing in satin and lace if, not only will I never see it, but it will never get closer to my Wife’s fun-bits than I have in the last 5 months.

No, I need to buy some new smalls for myself. And this is where I’m after some help from the girls. I need a personal shopper. I need some suggestions for what to buy.

Before you get excited and head straight for the online aisles of latex jock straps and patent leather mankinis, I’m looking for day to day underwear. But underwear hat will get noticed. Well, sort of. Let me explain …

You know I have a collection of interesting pants (UK) but, rightly or wrongly, my Wife will remain ignorant of their presence in our house for the foreseeable future. You should also know that these days, my usual brand is Sloggi, and I usually wear (from left to right) either a tanga, briefs or shorts. All currently in black.

I used to publicly wear more interesting smalls – different colours, different styles, different fabrics – but not only was my S.O. actively interested in my pants and their contents at the time, but also, having got into the habit of buying Sloggis, their easily available ranges seemed to be much reduced.

Now that I need go shopping, I want my Wife to notice I’ve bought new underwear. I don’t want it to stand out so much She is shocked, or thinks I’m acting particularly out of character, but I do want Her to notice.

I prefer close fitting items. (I’ve got some boxer shorts, but unless I’m wearing a ball stretcher I’m not a big fan.) And although, in the past, I’ve quite liked shreddies cut more like cycle shorts, we’re heading towards the warmest part of the year, so the longer styles can probably wait till October or so. I’ve wondered about some of the package enhancing styles, but I don’t know whether they’re even as remotely as effective as the Wonderbra. And not since my mother last bought my underwear, some 30 years ago, have I bothered with front access – I pull the waistband down to pee and Y-fronts etc are not for me.

I guess the brief (sorry, whilst the pun wasn’t intended, I’m more than happy to run with it) is something close fitting, that will get noticed at home but not at the gym. Something other than black, but neither kaleidoscopic nor requiring sunglasses. Possibly some texture, or nominally see through (though not completely transparent mesh.) Understated, but a step away from the current contents of my bottom drawer.

Suggestions, please, from the girls.
This is not a case of what would you like to see me in. And I know no-one has my Wife’s taste, but what do you think might check the boxes?

28 Responses to “Position vacant: Personal shopper”

  1. Gillian Colbert Says:

    Me, I like boxer briefs on a guy if he’s not commando. But, AM, you gotta do you in this and get what you like.

  2. I like how those ones on the right look best – they’re all good but if I HAD to choose one – rt pic. Of course, I’m imagining that you’re cooking for me in those and its the minimum amount of clothing while still being safe for later activities : )

    • You’re imagining me cooking in nothing but my underwear? Tell me about your childhood?

      But just to clarify my post, those items pictured (not the Y-fronts) are what I wear already. I want to get something different.

    • HaHaHa You don’t a need new underwear design.

    • you don’t have as many choices and if she’s not noticing you… maybe you need to walk around in them ALL THE TIME and ignore her. Leave your windows open so the other women can watch you – just don’t go outside – your wife may yell at you because you’ll look like a perv. : ) What’s your address?

    • I always dress with the curtains open and She sees me in the same underwear all the time. Something different might get me noticed. (Look, I’m getting desperate here – work with me!!!!! 😉 )
      And you can only have my address if you promise to take my Wife out, sit her down with a large whisky, and explain to her why it’s good to like sex.

    • I don’t think I can make her know that. She has to have a wanting. She has to be seduced. I don’t know your dynamics or history but I would say to start wth he mind and then move to her eyes when theres an inkling of moisture. Also, don’t kiss her ass either – she seems to be in the position of power. If that doesn’t make progress – divorce. She may have a deeper problem going on. Maybe I should read your entire blog…but it sounds like my marriage so I’ll just get pissed. I have a lot of married women friends – 10-20 years into marriage and email me if you want to hear these horror stories to gleen any hints of starting your wife’s fire up. It’s probably possible if SHE is still willing. You have to fuck her mind first.

    • Ah yes. The old fuck-her-mind-before-you-fuck-her-brains-out trick. The problem I find there is that she doesn’t respond to conventional voodoo and ad far as I can tell, never developed seduction receptor neurones. Or not one that respond to my Martian seduction techniques. (Even my best efforts, that’ve worked reliably on various other Venutiand, donn’t seem to work.)

      In all seriousness, I think there may be something in the “position of power”, and whilst some people respond to surrendering power sexually, I seriously doubt that will work here. On the other hand, divorce ….
      … only joking.

    • You had to get her somehow – or maybe she chased you! Something has to work or maybe she’s into women now…

    • Oh, the complexity of the answer to that!

    • yeah, I think I know that response…. – perhaps a ball stretcher will help you focus. : )

    • Possibly, but only on my crotch!

    • well sometimes thats better than getting a headache

  3. I like the pair on the right too. How are you AM?

  4. Accidential… I, too, am a fan of the boxer briefs. And black is my favorite. My next favorite is grey… Charcoal colored. With black bands. Mmmm… Depending on your skin tone (maybe I should go back to look at some Members Only), white can be hot as hell (thinking CK male models circa late 1990s), but sometimes they can wash you out… I’m not a big fan of patterns, as there is one thing l like to focus on when I’m looking at a man’s package in underware, and it’s not the pasleys… *hugs and kisses* buddy, hope all is well.

  5. If I don’t find the link of a really great line and post for you tomorrow… please shoot me a reminder email. I really think you’d like them.

  6. dawninflux Says:

    I agree with the comments.

    However, you made a request! So here are my ideas…. Lace up briefs. If she hasn’t noticed the waxing, then she isn’t looking properly. With a laced up closure, there is an extra motion of doing up the laces. My thought is that it would be enough of a interruption in her expectations that she would stop and look properly at you to see what in the world you are doing. And thereby ogle and perv properly on you. Also, the idea of walking around with the laces undone. Same thing, the brain sees something that it can’t match, so it stops to focus on what it can’t understand.

    http://www.bondara.co.uk/blue-line-navy-blue-lace-up-trunks

    My thoughts today. Take care.

  7. Update

    I know the overwhealming vote has been for trunks/fitted boxers, but I also like briesfs and these are almost certainly on the shopping list. After all, orange is the colour the eye repsonds to most readily.
    http://www.giggleberries.co.uk/bruno-banani-anti-stress-tanga-1.html

    And I think these are pretty much a definite
    http://www.giggleberries.co.uk/clever-moda-lucerna-boxer-green.html

    These are a pretty strong contender.
    http://www.giggleberries.co.uk/clever-moda-mesh-bars-boxer-black.html

    • dawninflux Says:

      I really like the mesh bars one. It looks great, I’ve not ever seen one like it.

    • I like that it’s see-through and patterned. I’d prefer it if there wasn’t a non-see-through panel hiding your cock (how prudish is that!?!?), and there are some like that, but the ones I’ve seen so far have gold waistbands or are rubbish colours.
      The search goes on. (And is quite fun!)

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