DLS #8: When the cat’s away

Believe it or not, I don’t masturbate as often as I’d like. When I was single I’d tug one off before I got out of bed pretty much every morning and wank myself to sleep pretty much every night. And if I felt the urge any other time of day, no one was going to object if I sat down on my sofa, popped open my fly, and spanked the monkey whilst watching a porn movie. Now I’m a happily married man (who hasn’t got laid for 6 months now) such luxuries are a little irregular. However, every once in a while, work takes my Wife away from home for a few nights, and this week is such an occasion. I’d like to think that meant that at the end of the day, we’d strip off, set our respective laptops up in front of us, flick the web cams on, and enjoy watching eachother’s orgasms on Skype. If only. If only!

But, with the house to myself (or at least whilst our child is at school or has has gone to bed) I do get to play.

First order of the day was to tlac up some rubber and slip into something kinky. My purple rubber chap-shorts with detachable thong ticks the right boxes today.

Unfortunately I’ve got a massive deadline for work and am tapping this post out in my coffee break, rather than tapping one out. See how lucky you are, Dear Reader, I’m giving up my wanking time for you!

Having done an afternoon and evening’s worth of childcare, I shall doubtless be working from about 8:30 till midnight or later. But before I head off to the land of nod, I’m planning a little pervy pampering session:

  • Porn DVD  for visual stimulation – check
  • Butt plug for anal stimulation – check
  • Ball stretchers clamped round my sack for swinging testicular stimulation – check
  • Flesh light warmed and lubed for penile stimulation – check
  • I may even keep my chaps on and squeeze into my delectably tight rubber shirt, just for a little extra stimulation. Perhaps a pair of medical gloves as well. (I keep the latter in the garage for when I’m tinkering with the car or bike, but they’re also useful for when I’m tinkering with myself.)

I so rarely get to enjoy my little treats individually these days, so I might as well indulge in them all at once.

Have I forgotten anything?

24 Responses to “DLS #8: When the cat’s away”

  1. Wow- I feel very honored that you wrote instead of wanked. I know that is very precious time so Thank You.

  2. God AM, when you get caught, you must really be busted! I just discretely close my speed-open thighs and pull up the sheet a bit…wiping that post-O grin from my guilty lips. (all of them!)


    • I don’t expect to get caught any time soon.
      That said, when I woke up at 3am the other night, desperate to sleep and desperately horny, I did have a wank whilst She slept next to me. I was a little more vigorous than might have been prudent and there was a big part of me that definitely wanted to get caught. She did stir, but whether She actualy knew … I have no idea.

    • In those moments, I move to the couch!

  3. PS: I agree with Miss Jayne, your wife should get fined for withholding…isn’t there a clause about marital obligations somewhere? I always look for it too. 😦

    • We probably both need fining for witholding. Or at least for refusing to enagage emotionally. And seeing as She needs the emotional stuff fixed before the physical stuff can be addressed, and I largely gave up in the wake of countless rejections … well it’s not a good recepie.

    • I wish I could say something that might help. I’m not good with this stuff either.

  4. Update You know what? I can’t be arsed. It’s been a long day, I’m tired, and quite frankly masturbation is well down my list of things to do. Well below sleep, sleep, sleep and sleep. And actualy, although we usually sleep on oposite sides of the bed, without a hint of pysical contact, I kind of miss my Wife tonight.
    Who’d’ve thought, eh?

  5. deviantdiaries Says:

    I’m planning on blogging on the whole “alienation of affection” thing that seems to be predominant in many marriages where the wife makes the hubby pay for her issues by detaching from sex. It isn’t ok…you can’t change the rules when you agree to play the game. Yet…so many men can..and do….stay. Its puzzling…..

    • I’m not sure I understand your appraisal of the situation.

    • deviantdiaries Says:

      It may not reflect YOUR situation perhaps since I have yet to go back and read up more on why your wife seems to have lost interest in sex…..but I have found so many men whose wives just, at one point in the marriage, call it quits on sex. Leaving the men with no sexual outlet, which more often than not, has them seeking elsewhere…..

    • I’ll save you digging through past blog entries for specifics (though don’t let me discourage you) – I have yet to spill many beans about my Wife. That may well be on it’s way, but I’m trying to relate the stories of my partners chronologically, and that post is a way of yet. For the amateur (and professional) shrinks out there in Reader Land, there may be relevant info, but it’s a lot more author-centric so far.

      As to the point you raise, that may well be true. But I think not in our case. Stay tuned and I’ll try to get round to explaining why one day.

    • deviantdiaries Says:

      Staying tuned 🙂

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