I wanna be sedated

In the years between puberty and cohabitation, I would often wank myself to sleep.
Alright, I admit it – I’d usually wank myself to sleep.
Ok, ok! Give a guy a break : if I wasn’t lying next to the woman I’d just fucked, it was rare for me to not wank myself to sleep … and yes, I’d start every day with a Big O as well … and occasionally stroke one off at some point during the day. But for the last 8 or so years I’ve been living with my Wife and, Loyal Reader, you know that has not exactly been conducive to regular sex. In the early years, if She got out of bed first in the morning, I would rub one out whilst She had a shower and if I got out of bed first I’d invariably drain my balls alone in the bathroom. But my nocturnal activities were drastically and, to date, irreparably curtailed.

Turn the clock forward 7yrs or so, to around the time I became your humble confessor. I was still just as horny, but starting to be hit by insomnia. I’d wake 2, 3, maybe 4 times most nights, and never expected to sleep after 5am. Pretty much every time I woke, my hands would find my already stiffened cock. It was less a case of morning glory, and more like up all night.

Credit where credit’s due, my Wife offered sleep related suggestions, but most had at least some risk of waking Her, which I genuinely didn’t want to do. Eventually She asked “What would you do if I wasn’t here?” and the answer was obvious – I’d have a wank.

It should be no surprise to you, Dear Reader, to know that I didn’t tell Her that. Fuck knows I should have. And maybe if we’d been in the middle of our current 7 month sexless period I might have but, in my own pervy ways, I’m as sexually repressed as She is.
(Should the question ever be asked again, I have every intention of being shockingly honest.)

My worst bouts of insomnia have abated for the moment. But every week or two I am again waking in the middle of the night, and you can bet your bottom dollar that when I do, my rod is rigid. Back in my solo sleeping days, not only was playing with my cock a great way to get myself off, the post-orgasmic high was indeed a very effective way to get me off to sleep. And I wish I could do the same now. I’m in no doubt it would help reduce both my levels of fatigue and stress.

Unfortunately, lying is bed and masturbating is highly likely to wake my Wife. Whilst I can enjoy a slow, gentle, detailed, stroking wank, if I’m stressed (and if I’m failing to sleep at 3am, I usually am) I need more to make myself cum. I need a fast wrist and a tight fist massaging my length. I need to squeeze from tip to root. I need to tug hard on my balls and rub at the small tuft of fuzz just above my cock. Whilst my right hand vigorously pistons up and down my shaft, my left needs to polish my pre-cum lubed helmet. I need it all hard. And I need it all fast. I need to arch my back and spread my legs wide. It’s hard, physical, almost violent. The tension in my body must increase exponentially before I can release my seed and release the tension in my mind.

And this frenetic thrashing is pretty much guaranteed to wake Her.

So just as Bruce Lee mastered the one inch punch, I have developed a wanking technique I think of as my one inch wank. (I was going to describe this here, but I think it deserves it’s own post.)

It’s an extremely pleasurable masturbatory method. It sends tingles from my bell end, down my shaft, through my balls, across my taint, round my ring and up my spine. But it’s rare that I can shoot my load with such a subtle technique. I need a more energetic hand-fuck to climax. I know I recently said I want tits, but the situation would be a lot simpler if I had a clit – I know from experience that a receptive bud can be strummed to orgasm with just one finger – it doesn’t need a whole forearm’s worth of manipulation. And if clit-stimming isn’t enough, a pulsed flexing of 2 or 3 fingers buried deep in the accompanying twat can induce screaming orgasms with only the smallest of movements. I admit it. My life would be improved with tits, but a pussy would be much more useful right now.

Realistically though, gender reassignment is an excessive price for a good nights sleep.

Quite a few times recently, when I’ve woken in the middle of the night with a throbbing hard-on, I have tried to give myself a sedative wank. The one inch hasn’t got me there, and as I’ve been getting a bit more frustrated, I’ve been getting a bit more vigorous. The duvet has been pulled aside and if my Wife rolled over and opened Her eyes She couldn’t fail to see me tugging on my todger. She is quite a light sleeper and I have no sense of whether I’ve woken Her, but I’ve been pumping harder and faster. Not the full on cock bashing I need to shoot my load, but much closer to what’s really needed. However, the thing that’s stopped my cumming is that I can’t be as committed to my orgasm as I want, for fear of waking my Wife and being found wanking. So my mission fails, I roll over and mourn our chastity, till I finally sleep once more.

But there’s a significant part of me that wants to soak the bed sheets with jizz in spite if the risk. That wants Her to wake and notice. That wants to get caught, without having any sense of what the repercussions might be.

I very much doubt She’d offer the service of Her own hands. It’s pretty inconceivable that She’d wake Herself sufficiently to go down on me. And I don’t imagine She’d lie back and proffer Her cunt for me to pound. Would She lie still and silent and watch me cum before speaking? I wish! Would She even comment? Only in my dreams. Then again, maybe She already knows and either doesn’t care, or doesn’t feel able to broach the subject. Who knows?

Maybe I should throw caution to the wind and wank till my fingers drip. Even if it didn’t get me laid, even of it didn’t get us talking about sex, at least it might get me a good night’s sleep.

5 Responses to “I wanna be sedated”

  1. I very much wish you could be open about your sexual drive and proclivities. My exhusband hid his jerking off from me, but he knew I wanted to watch (whole other bag of issues there from what you and your lady have, obviously). I would have done flips if I’d woken up to him jerking off. But that’s me. Anyway, I just wish it were different for you, is all. xx Hy

  2. I caught my ex doing this a few times (usually after a night on the coke when I was too tired for sex) and it was always a turn on. I think knowing he was trying not to wake me up was what did it. I’d say just go for it. I would!

    • I can think of little that would please me more than catching my Wife with Her fingers in Her pussy, but I am not confident of Her reaction in that situation, or if She were to catch me.

  3. […] time and early morning erections from my Wife, and having mused some time ago about wanting to get caught wanking by my Wife, in the last few weeks I have been jerking off whilst lying next to Her more often. It […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: