Better with my Ex

Just for the record, this is only semi-auto-bigraphical. There are hints of my own relationship, and sexual history in it, but it does not refer directly to how I feel about my marriage. It’s just a dirty dity and a little bit of fun. It’s not to be taken seriously, and is certainly not as eloquent, heart felt, profound, sensual or well crafted as the work of some of my readers, (I’m thinking of Pivoine68 amongst others) but it takes different strokes to please different cunts, and poetry is poetry, whether it’s haiku, limerick, iambic pentameter or plane verse …

Better With My Ex

So you want a bit more romance
Well I want a bit more sex
The fucks we have are boring
It was better with my Ex
You don’t like it when touch you
Not your thighs or tits or arse
You won’t let me in your knickers
It’s just a fucking farce

My Ex was not unusual
I had many just like her
If I ran my fingers up their legs
They all began to purr
If I slid my hand inside their shirts
They giggled and they smiled
If I try to do the same to you
All access is denied

My Exes were not like you
All glorious little sluts
They were hungry for my cock all day
Their legs were never shut
If they didn’t have the energy
To ride me till I came
They’d just turn round and beg me
To fuck them just the same

They loved their Rampant Rabbits
Their butt plugs and hand cuffs
Of lingerie and stockings
They couldn’t get enough
They liked me dressed in rubber
With shaven cock and balls
Now you and I are dating
I get none of this at all

They liked it when I spanked them
Loved to tie me to the bed
If I didn’t fill their cunts with cum
They’d suck me dry instead
They liked to have my fingers
Buried deep inside their twats
You won’t let me taste your pussy
What’s going on with that?

We had piles of dirty videos
Dirty movies, dirty flicks
Of facials, anal, S&M
Of quims stuffed with 3 dicks
We loved to fuck each other
Watching pornos on TV
Now you get fucking angry
Though the porn is just for me

I’d fuck them any way they liked
When they came they always screamed
Some were only ever happy
Once I’d sprayed their tits with cream
But the one thing that they all did share
Was desire for sex and lust
All I get these days is to have a wank
There’s none of that with us

I gave it up for you, my dear
All the passion, sweat and juice
So I sit here with my cock in hand
Asking what’s the fucking use
When I think of sex with you my dear
(Who barely wants to cum)
It hurts to say this of my wife
Your as frigid as a nun

18 Responses to “Better with my Ex”

  1. Day Um what a story. I would have “liked” it but I was afraid to. : )

  2. I LOVED that poem AM.

    I often think we are both somehow misplaced in our frustrating lives, like at some point where we should have turned left, we turned right and now getting back to some kind of normal (OK, euphoric) sex life just seems nearly impossible.

    I agree, what’s the fucking use.


    • Thank you.
      I reiterate, it’s only semi-auto-biographical. Equally, which ever turning I could have taken, I most likely would have ended up angry an unfulfilled. As I think I said on day 1 of this blog, that’s not just about sex., .

  3. That is probably true for me too. I hadn’t intended for sex to be the only topic of my blog…I doubt that it is the only reason for my overall dissatisfaction. Anyway…

  4. This made me giggle! Pain turned into comedy – it is quite a funny poem – is so good!

  5. Reblogged this on voirdireblog and commented:
    Funny or no? What say you? I personally think the poem all by itself is pretty funny. It made me giggle anyway.

  6. deviantdiaries Says:

    Some of you guys are making me feel better for being single? Love the poem AM

  7. I don’t know if “lovely” is the right word, my friend, but fantastic none-the-less. I literally laughed out loud! *hugs and kisses*

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