An epiphany or two

Sometimes I think WP should give bloggers the ability to add sub-headings to posts. If that were possible, this blog entry would be subtitled A good reason to be unfaithful … and a good reason not to.

A good reason to be unfaithful …

As I walked into town the other day I passed a mum on the school run, and I had an epiphany. We are neighbors, have chatted a few times, and I don’t dislike her per se, but I doubt we’ll ever spend any time in each other’s company, except by merit of coincidence. She’s about the same age as me, relatively attractive (though relies quite heavily on designer labels and makeup), and has a pretty good figure (bigger tits than I like, but hey …) The important thing is that, if we lived in a world without consequences and if the opportunity arose, yes, I’d happily fuck her. And as I was struck by this thought, I realised why people have affairs.

The mother in question irritates me a little. I won’t list the reasons why, lest I offend any of you, Dear Readers, but suffice to say, whilst I’d happily sink my cock into her snatch, and I’d bet a considerable amount of money that she likes a good pounding, I sure as hell couldn’t live with her. With no disrespect to the woman, I wouldn’t even really want to go for a coffee with her. Obviously there’s a huge difference between people we are attracted to as people, and people we are attracted to sexually, but it struck me that there’s something else. Something very important.

When we get into long term relationships, usually we either like the other person’s company and don’t mind if they fuck us, or like fucking them and don’t mind being in their company, or if we’re really lucky not only do we like fucking them and like their company, they also like fucking us and like our company too. But when you live with someone, you invariably learn who they really are, find they do things a little differently to you, have different priorities in terms of domestic chores, you’re obliged to spend times with their best friend who you detest, etc etc etc. The relationship acquires emotional baggage that comes from the day to day crap. And it’s cumulative. The longer you live with someone, the more crap you see. The honeymoon period is over. The excitement, passion and joie de vivre that used to be an escape from mundanity, that made us feel important, has been replaced by that very mundanity.

Step outside that special relationship, step inside the boudoir of someone else, and you can have the good bits – the sex, and the sense of sharing happiness, of acceptance – without the bits that suck. And even if your co-adulterer does fo all those little things that wind you up, it doesn’t matter. As soon as you’ve washed their sweat and juices off your loins, you can walk away and don’t have to deal with the hard stuff. Stuff you just couldn’t live with.

… and a good reason not to

Then this morning I did some catching up on blogs I follow. I never meant to fall into the habit of reading about other people’s relationships  – I just wanted to read about sex – but most of the time these things are irreparably entangled. It’s possibly unsurprising then that amongst the blogs I’ve ended up following, there are many tales of infidelity (I mean that in no way as a criticism – I’ve been there too) but as I read a couple of anecdotes about affairs today, I was hit by another epiphany.

All too often affairs end up falling apart, and not because the protagonists get caught. If the affair goes on long enough, if the people involved start to care about each other, they become married. Then they acquire the sort of emotional baggage, attachment and anchorage that they first found themselves released from. The liberty of unfettered emotion gets tainted by the reality that we are all different, and as much as our species and society has evolved around life long pairings, perhaps we are not really suited to them at a more fundamental level. We are not dogs, dependant on hierarchy and herd – we are cats who selfishly flaunt our affections in order to get what we need and then walk away.

Maybe that’s a third epiphany.

9 Responses to “An epiphany or two”

  1. Excellent observations. I keep thinking there is the relationship with all the baggage but yet two people who can rise above that crap and still enjoy life and each other more times than feeling “anchored”. I think it almost a roll of the dice though to find such a match. Rising above it has to be a united effort throughout and that means finding people who are “happy”. ? I do know that being married JUST to be married is a sure way to kill my “happiness”.

    • I think rolling dice is a very good way of putting it. Extending the analogy, one thinks of the decisions we make when we’ve rolled a 3 or a 4: do we decide to roll again and risk getting a 2 for the chance of getting a 6?

    • and I would say that the circumstance of personality compatibility is rolling the dice but life and coping skills are the grounds you roll it on… down a hill, mud, sand…I guess it just is what it is and you take what you can take. I think more people get into their “word” on keeping a commitment. I think that takes the focus away from the WHY of it all that inspired the commitment in the first place. I’m heading into that circle of never-ending reasoning so I’m stopping.

    • And to think, I thought I over analysed things. 😉

    • oh buddy! – what can I say to that – nothing.

  2. Once again AM you have succinctly and simply described a universal truth.

  3. workspousestory Says:

    I will need to read this again. And then comment properly. Suffice to say – *a lot* of food for thought.


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