Cost or catalyst

We had sex this morning. Right, now we’ve got all the details you actually need to know out of the way, let’s get to the point.

As I lay with my arms around my Wife, in our post coital cuddle, I felt more attracted to Her … no, not attracted … no, what’s the word? Loving? No that’s not it either. I liked her more? No. I’m not sure how to describe it, but I think it comes back to conversations She and I have fleetingly had about sex vs emotion, and the opening lines of Better with my Ex:

So you want a bit more romance
Well I want a bit more sex …

Having fucked my Wife, I found I wanted to give Her a proper hug as She left for work. When we crash on the sofa this evening I will want us to snuggle up together. As we go to sleep tonight, I will probably want to curl up and spoon with Her, without necessarily wanting sex.

It’s not that there is a currency here. I don’t mean to withhold affection until sexual dues are paid. Far from it. But I feel more affectionate towards Her if the sex is there.

conversely, She has commented that it’s easier for her to want to have sex if the love (for want of a worse word) is there first.

I know it’s all down to frame of reference, Men are from Mars etc,  but for me sex is not the cost of affection, but it is a catalyst.

12 Responses to “Cost or catalyst”

  1. workspousestory Says:

    I think it’s an absolutely fair point. In general, when we do end up having sex with my hubby, I find myself later to be more affectionate to him, and it eases my mind a bit.
    A slight problem is when the sex is really not that good. Or doesn’t happen at all after it seems like it will. That makes me frustrated and even less affectionate than usual.
    I suppose it’s down to endorphin level?

    • Considering the stereotypes of male/female sexuality, it’s interesting to hear that coming for a woman, as that’s pretty much the same for me.

    • workspousestory Says:

      Hmm… I in general have quite an issue with male/female sexuality stereotypes. Seen it reversed so many times that I don’t think it’s true any more than being a social concept imprinted in our mind by media and culture.

  2. Oxytocin….I believe.

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