Masochists tango

7:30pm, as I’m cooking okonomiyaki, She walks into the kitchen. For various minor reasons, I’m not in the cheeriest of moods, so She walks over to give me a hug. That’s cool, though no big deal. But the way She looks up at me, with a pause and doeful eyes that ask for a kiss, tell me in the subtlest of ways that She wants sex. I expect it will be the next morning. I don’t know whether the subtle signs are supposed to be as blatant as they are, I imagine not, but to me they display my Wife’s intent about as obviously as if you, Dear Reader, had walked into the room with riding crop, a strap-on, and a can of squirty cream.

We watch a movie after supper. It’s not what we expected, and deals with subjects as unromantic as rape and serial killers. Not that that makes any difference to my own demeanour – I’m not really interested anyway.

Not interested in sex? I hear you call. Who are you and what have you done with Accidental?
Well, it’s not so much that I’m not interested in sex, more that I can’t l be bothered with the emotional roller-coaster that needs to be ridden when we so often have sex.

Needless to say, after watching this movie, no one is initiating anything and we turn our backs and go to sleep.

Come morning, as I lie awake thinking of almost anything but sex, my Wife gets out of bed, goes to the bathroom and, as predictable as gravity, when she climbs back into bed, rests an I want sex hand on my shoulder. I don’t respond. I still can’t be bothered. Her hand moves to my flank. Again, I’m still. She purposefully snuggles up and Her hand moves lower. I pretty much just want Her to leave me alone. She asked “Yes or no?” I answer “If you want.” She does.

She’s keen and moves unusually quickly so that she straddles my thigh and my hand comes to rest on Her arse, and She moves Her thigh up encouraging me to reach for Her pussy. I stroke it as required. She responds positively … and then flinches. I really hadn’t expected the moment to last. Not that I’d moved too fast for any normal woman. I haven’t suddenly stuffed four ice cold fingers up Her cunt. I haven’t dug my nails into her clit. My finger tips have barely brushed Her lips.

I moved my hand out of range. And the moment slips away.

Apparently Her timing was off and She was getting too caught up in the moment. Enjoying the sensations too much and I should slow down. “Stay around the periphery and not head straight for the centre.” I shouldn’t try to make Her cum. Just to try to get her wet.

Oh for fuck sakes!
(For the record, this is despondency and frustration, not anger.)

Which part of primarily stoking her back, not being allowed near Her tits, and having barely touched her outer lips for a few seconds (when She seemed to actively seek such ministrations) was trying too hard to make Her cum?

She asks if I want to try again and I acquiesce and She wraps Her fingers round my cock and strokes me hard. To Her credit, She’s giving me a damn fine hand job, but my head’s really not in the zone and thankfully the moment is stolen by the soft, cheerful sound of a child’s song from the next room and I am relieved to get up.

We shower, dress, have breakfast etc, and somehow I know.
I don’t know because I’ve seen evidence. (Yet.) I don’t know because She’s told me. I know, because … well … call it instinct.
Maybe it’s not the honourable thing to do. After all, if She’d wanted me to know, She’d tell me, or at least make a point of letting me see. But I take a quick peek in Her underwear drawer. Yes. I’m right. Not that I get any pleasure from this. But She’s wearing the now infamous Xmas underwear. Or at least the only components that She ever wears.

This is how we dance around each other’s respective neuroses. This is how we both want … and then run round in circles, desperately trying to not get. This is our masochistic tango.

7 Responses to “Masochists tango”

  1. what a clear cool look into how relationships can go… especially having different sexual outlooks that can’t be bridged for whatever reasons.

  2. Poignant, m’dear. Hugs!

  3. sexuallifeofawife Says:

    Gosh, you are very cool at the moment.
    Forgive me – but I haven’t been round for a while – so I don’t know the full story of late…
    Your wife seems more open to you – but I can see your frustration when there are certain ways you have to go about things – which aren’t always completely clear to you…

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