Showing off to friends

Remember Friends? Of course you do, Dear Reader. The American sitcom that ran from 1994 to 2004, where six friends bumbled their way through both romantic and platonic relationships, set mostly in a coffee shop and one appartment. Yes, you remember Ross, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, Monica and Phoebe. Let me remind you …

D’you know what I remember most about the show?
The neighbour.
The one you (almost) never saw, but who the other characters most definitely did see. They saw all of him. The neighbour they nicknamed Ugly Naked Guy. Despite being periodically horrified by his nudity, they still kept staring into his apartment to see him.

Well I’d like to be that guy. Not ugly or obese, but naked and watched. There is definitely a bit of an exhibitionist in me.

I have been known to sunbathe naked in our garden, but the neighbours built a massive extension that put our fantastic suntrap completely in shade. Inconsiderate fuckers. But as soon as the privet has filled in (no, I said privet, not pervert!) I have hope for a spot on the lawn that’s hidden form any surrounding windows. Well, almost hidden. Oops.

But more significantly than that, I make a point of dressing and undressing in front of the bedroom window, with the curtains open and the lights on. I always face the garden. We don’t actually know any of the neighbours who could witness this but I sincerely hope there is someone out there, watching me naked, and masturbating as I display myself to them.

Some years ago (in a previous home) I got a glimpse of my own naked neighbour. I lived in a first floor flat and the kitchen window overlooked his kitchen. One morning as I enjoyed my espresso, there he was filling a glass of water, dressed in a white towelling bathrobe. Not strictly naked I know, but it wasn’t done up, and there he stood at the sink, with his cock and balls swinging freely. I noticed with interest that not only was he reasonably well endowed, but he stood far enough from the sink that I could never loose sight of his crotch, and I wondered if this was intentional. As I never saw him naked again, I suspect not, but just for the sake of voyeurism, I wish I’d had a camera in my phone in those days.

When I am woken by insomnia, I invariably find myself going downstairs naked (it’s easier to get dressed without unnecessarily waking my Wife if I do so in the kitchen), walking past our glazed front door in the buff, switching on the radio, and then the kettle, and slicing some bread for the toaster, all before putting any clothes on. I spend far more time naked than necessary. And my morning glory is invariably bobbing around in front of me. That is, until I sit down with a cup of tea, some sexy blogs or porn on my phone, and stroke one off. I’m quite sure none of the neighbours will see me – they won’t be sat in the darkness of their living room, eyes straining against a pair of binoculars, and fingers straining at their genitals – but I fantasise that they will, and I hope they enjoy the show.

Since originally writing this post a couple of weeks ago, it has struck me that I am not quite as care free about my nudity as I used to be, or would like to be. And with good reason. I have become a lot more careful about displaying myself from the front of the house (with the exception of my early morning shows). Our road leads up to the local school, the one attended by our child, and during the day there is an almost constant procession of school mums passing our house. Now as much as I’d love some of them to inadvertently see me naked, it could make things a little awkward at the school gate, with all kinds of possible repercussions.

2 Responses to “Showing off to friends”

  1. I use to work in a penthouse apartment in Bow East London one day I was looking out the window and noticed a guy on a roof garden, he was watering his potted plants whilst totally naked, I called to everyone to look out the window, and we all stood there amazed at the fact this guy is just walking up and down without a care in the world….
    But what was truly amazing was that we were all naked watching him as we was in the middle of a gangbang!!!!

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