I’d like to thank my agent …

If may career ever gets back on track the way I’d like, it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that I might just end up stood in front of hundreds of my suited professional peers, receiving a golden statuette and thanking my family and everyone I’ve ever worked with. And then I’ll probably burst into tears and be ushered off stage because I’ve been thanking too many people and the awards ceremony really does need to move on.

At best that is a long way off, and realistically, it shall most likely remain but a pipe dream. Most of us are, after all, just small cogs in big machines.

However, in the short time I’ve been blogging, somehow I have already managed to accrue several accolades. I have been awarded the Sunshine Blogger Award twice (by both Confessions Of Your Husband’s Mistress and Love Sex and Marriage), the Versatile Blogger Award by Work Spouse Story , the Addictive Blog Award (again by Confessions Of Your Husband’s Mistress), and I’ve received a nomination for the Top 100 Sex Bloggers List (by the ever lovely Hyacinth).

[Having penned this post a couple of days ago, and scheduling it to published today, Confessions Of Your Husband’s Mistress has yet again nominated me, this time for the Beautiful Blogger Award, which is slightly embarrassing for reasons which will become apparent in a moment.]

Beautiful-Blogger

Whilst I am deeply humbled and flattered to be thought of so highly by fellow bloggers, I am afraid I have not previously played the game. Though I should emphasises this has certainly not been out of ingratitude. The truth is, I feel a bit of a fraud receiving praise for my writing and do not consider it nearly as good as that of those who have nominated me. And as I follow a relatively small number of blogs on a regular basis, most of their authors already read each other’s work.

However, today Work Spouse Story has again nominated me for an award (I really am slightly embarrassed!) and for once I’m actually going to play the game. (This in no way reflects on any of the previous awards, or my gratitude to those who bestowed them upon me!)
The award in question is …fabulous-award2

Fabulous Gutter Blogger Award Rules of Acceptance

  1. Thank the person who nominated you. (Written thanks, kisses, oral sex, all of the above – whatever seems appropriate.)
  2. Link back to their blog in your post.
  3. Post the image of the Award on your blog.
  4. Copy and answer the six questions from their blog post.
  5. Nominate nine bloggers, link to them and let them know they’ve been nominated.

I’m sure I’d happily go down on Work Spouse Story in other circumstances, but for now I shall limit myself to thank you thank you thank you thank you!

The fun bit: Questions!

  1. What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?
  2. What do you now know about sex that you wish you’d have known earlier in life?
  3. Is there any gutter fantasy you’d like to try? (tell us what it is)
  4. What’s the funniest bedroom situation you’ve ever been in?
  5. Has gutter blogging taught you anything?
  6. What is your favourite post from the person who nominated you?

What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?
What I think is kinky may not be kinky to others. But if I had to choose, it might be experimenting with undinism. (I used to have a post about this but decided to remove it. Maybe I should reinstate it?)

What do you now know about sex that you wish you’d have known earlier in life?
That I’d end up in a largely sexless marriage.
Sorry, that wasn’t the sort of answer that was being sought. Try again…
There are plenty of people who have just as high a sex drive as I do, and who are just as interested in sex as a purely fun recreation … and I wish I’d known how to find more of them.

Is there any gutter fantasy you’d like to try? (tell us what it is)
I’d like to have a normal sex life with my wife.
Again, not the required answer. Try again …
I’d quite like to hire an escort. Most of that is probably to do with the state of my marriage, and the idea that whores will do anything you want, but I suspect the reality would fall short of the fantasy. That is usually the nature of fantasy.

What’s the funniest bedroom situation you’ve ever been in?
Having just cum in my girlfriend’s hands, as the guy from the bedsit next door all but walked into the room.

Has gutter blogging taught you anything?
Sex is really a really important part of my happiness, and what I regard as making up a healthy relationship. It’s also taught me that I’m far from alone in being dissatisfied with my sex life.

What is your favourite post from the person who nominated you?
Think of me when you fuck her. I know it’s also one of her shortest posts, and the photo (which is the star of the post) is not of her, but the idea that someone wants you to think of them whilst you’re fucking someone else is monumentally horny.

Now for my nominees for the Gutter Blog Award. I’m not going to nominate 9 bloggers, as it would be too easy to nominate folk you already know, Dear Reader, and because I would feel bad about not nominating a whole load of other writers too. So I’m just going to limit myself to four.

Serendipity Woman is new on the blogging scene, and she’s not posted so many of her stories yet, but as she is an escort, stripper and self confessed cougar, with a host of tales to tell, I’m gagging to read what she has to offer. And I suspect what she doesn’t know about the gutter just ain’t worth knowing about.

As I have found myself trying to fix my own marital sex life (with only intermittent success) I have found myself drawn to blogs of those in similar boats. Two such blogs are Voir Dire Blog and Lady Saige.

You almost certainly know Dawn (and she’s already been nominated, but I don’t care!) Just in case you dont, because she’s great, so is her poetry, and her prose, and because she never fails to give me a hard on.

7 Responses to “I’d like to thank my agent …”

  1. workspousestory Says:

    A-ha! So you finally did play along. I must say I’m a very proud mum of my Fabulous Award now 😉

    ps. I think you should reinstate that post… sounds very gutter to me, which is always a good thing!

  2. So long as I always give you a hard-on, because that is why I write. Just kidding!

    (I have to come back and read this later…in detail.)

    Bisous,
    Me

  3. The image of the medal above is quite a creative design to me.

  4. sexuallifeofawife Says:

    Love the oscar cock!
    Congrats!; )

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