Of straws and camels’ backs

There are moments when you decide you’ve had enough.
This is one such moment.

All but a week after Xmas, and the blue underwear remains unworn.
Over a year after last Xmas, and half the red underwear is still either unworn, or as good as.

Without a hint of malice, or sarcasm, when my Wife was in the shower this morning, I placed Her new blue underwear on the bed. When She came out of the shower, having seen it, She came to find me.
Her: Is that a hint?
Me: Sort of.
It was a hint, but one that was supposed to say wouldn’t you like to wear it.
Me: If it’s the wrong thing we can take it back.

We busied ourselves with morning rituals, and when I went back into the bedroom She looked like She needed a hug, so I gave Her one.
She reiterated that She thinks the lingerie is pretty, but She doesn’t like bras that have seams that could show through a t-shirt.
That was an excuse. I pointed out (as gently as possible) that She’s been wearing either a sweater or cardigan over Her t-shirt all week and no one could possibly have seen Her bra line.
I said if She didn’t like it we could take it back. (Note the “we”.)
She said we could exchange it.
I agreed, if that was what She wanted. I said it was ok. I meant it. It was meant to sound like I meant it. The conversation didn’t go much further.

10min of childcare later and I’m grumpy. That’s what kids do to you sometimes.

I had my shower, and as I did, the clouds descended on me.
I’m sick of trying hard and getting things consistently wrong. I’m sick of the ingratitude. Fuck it!

I went downstairs, and laid out breakfast for the rest of the family. Every option I could give them, because fuck knows, if I don’t, what ever I put out for them will be wrong.

I went back upstairs to my desk – I have work that I need to do. I have things I can do that will thankfully keep me away from my family. Fuck them!

We pass briefly outside the study.

Her: I think it’s the wrong size.
No she doesn’t. It’s an excuse. It’s the same size as the red bra and briefs She deigns to wear occasionally. It’s the same make. It’s the same fucking size. It’s another excuse.
Me: I’ll take it back and get my money back.
(Note the “I” and the “my”.)
She said something, I don’t remember what, but it was hollow. I reminded her that half of what I bought Her last year hasn’t been worn. She disagreed, and numerically She may actually be right, but I pointed out that in terms of money, She was wrong.
Her: We’ll talk about it later.
I wonder if we will.
I wonder if I will say what needs to be said.
I wonder if  She’ll listen.

11 Responses to “Of straws and camels’ backs”

  1. i feel for you and how much you try to appease her personality. I did that for years thinking it was a numerical equation that if I just got it right, down to the fraction of a decimal, things would flow right. I found my appeasing just allowed him to continue. I wonder if my appeasing nature creating, allowed, fed the very nature of the whole problem. I don’t know but I sympathize. Hugs to you, J

  2. rougedmount Says:

    its so very sad..so much wasted time..so many unappreciated actions..so many excuses..i am so very sorry. do you accept the life you have as this is how it will be, or do you leave it? Work can’t always be counted on to focus you or comfort you. Hard choices…

  3. I am sorry for your struggle and frustration. I don’t know you, but.. hug.

  4. goodoldgamera Says:

    I think it’s interesting that you refer to your wife as “She,” because you don’t seem to have a traditional Dominant/submissive relationship going on here. Do you consider her your Dominant? If so, is she aware of that? She’s certainly not acting like she considers herself in that role.

    I don’t know if you consider yourself the submissive half of the relationship, either, but if you do, this sounds like case of you trying to “top from the bottom” and not having much success. No wonder you feel resentful.

    What would have happened if when she asked if it was a hint you had winked and said “you’re damn right it is?” and then walked out of the room? That’s a more dominant attitude. And maybe it’s not how you want to act, or not something your wife would appreciate … but it would send a clearer signal about your expectations.

    • Ha ha! I’ve been waiting for someone to pick me up on my capitalisation of She.
      There is no conscious D/s in our relationship.
      When I started blogging, I hadn’t come across the use of Upper-Case/lower-case to indicate D/s dynamics. (For one thing D/s isn’t really my thing, except for the occasional game.) I didn’t want to use my Wife’s name, or an initial, but still wanted to make it apparent when I was talking about Her. Using a capital initial for the respective pronouns etc was an easy way to do that, and I also felt it indicated a degree of respect for my Wife as a person – like giving Her a name (as opposed to signalling the deference of D/s).
      Having discovered the D/s nomenclature, I did wonder whether my use of it might cause confusion, but by that stage a) I had been using it for a while and a change could be (mis)interpreted in many ways by readers, and b) I liked using it my way.
      You may have noticed I often use “Dear Reader” in a similar way.

    • I thought it was D/s too. Or an allusion to “She Who Must Be Obeyed.” You know, “She” from Rider Haggard.

    • It seems I have unintentionally been misleading. It always puzzled me why so many of my subscribers were in D/s relationships, or at least into BDSM, but I guess that could explain it.
      But I’m still a little puzzled, as I can’t think of anything I’ve written that would give the impression that my marriage is D/s.

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