Missing = Panic

When I got home last night I was looking forward to putting on my favorite porno DVD, catching up on some sex blogs I’ve not read in far too long, and probably finishing off with a good hard thrash at my cock. A perfect evening, you might think.

Things did not quite go to plan.

As mentioned yesterday, my Wife is away for the weekend and I have reverted to my natural state of uber perv. And having got home from the pub, paid off the babysitter, and said goodnight to my Wife on the phone, my first port of call was my Little Wooded Chest of Naughty Secrets to fetch my current favorite skin flick for a little background inspiration. (Here’s a screen grab, just to help you picture the scene.)


One small problem.
The case for the DVD was there.
The disc wasn’t in it.

What had I done with it?

After some thought, I remembered the last time I saw it : several months ago I was away from home over night and took the DVD with me to entertain myself whilst I performed my bed-time relaxation exercises. I’d taken the DVD out of it’s case and left that at home … but what the hell had I done with the disc on my return? At home I have sex toys, pervy clothing and porn secreted away in various places, but I looked everywhere I could think of, and I’ll be damned if I could find it. Bottom of my bed side drawer, back of my sock drawer, the back of my bottom (junk) drawer, one of the pockets in my motorcycle luggage, between the lining of my rucksack, the cupboard in my desk, and of course my Little Wooded Chest of Naughty Secrets; all were checked and there wasn’t a sign of the disc anywhere.

I was pretty sure I’d just put it somewhere safe, though it wasn’t inconceivable I left it in my laptop and my Wife found it. Jeez, I hoped not. Which left me pondering what She’d do if She did find any of my porn. I know She’s opposed to porn on (feminist) principal, despite the fact that I’m confident that She’s never actually watched any proper porn, but would She say anything? Would She confront me? Would She dispose of it silently? Would She ignore it? I genuinely don’t know.

Thankfully this morning I found the disc when I chanced upon a bag I rarely use, but had taken away with me. And tonight I’m  sat on the sofa in nothing but my rubber thong, and sex blogging with my porno running on the TV. And as soon as I’ve uploaded this post I think I’ll almost certainly be having a vigorous wank, and purging my balls with the assistance of this delicious anal scene.


Of course this incident has made me think two things: firstly I really do need to check where I’ve stashed everything, and secondly I need to be a bit more careful where I leave it.

Or perhaps I could leave something out for my Wife to find.

24 Responses to “Missing = Panic”

  1. rougedmount Says:

    1.you should buy a used tool box with the ability to lock, big enough to store your entire collection of items, and place it in the garage, storage room or other places you normally keep similar items, in effect, hiding it in plain sight.

    2.hiding your authentic sexual self, without giving a spouse the ability to share in who you really are, is dishonest. you may not want to reveal everything immediately as it would be overwhelming to someone used to nothing. but a video of erotica, NOT porn, would be a good place to start. leaving it in a private but non secure location will allow the topic to be broached if you don’t want to start with a sit down conversation. noting the location, and if its been moved will let you know she has seen it. her reaction, ignoring it, confronting you about it, or talking to you about it..will give you an idea of how to proceed.

    • 1. My Little Wooden Chest of Naughty Secrets does the same job as a tool box would. I just need a bigger tool box.

      2. These are all just a few of the possible courses of action I have already considered almost daily. But knowing the context gives a very different hue to the decisions to act. Dishonesty is not a gentle concept, and is just one side of a coin: the other could be regarded as noble self sacrifice in the interest of the greater good. Or you may be right.

  2. I say leave something out for her to find 🙂

    • What d’you reckon: a Fun Factory Share XL, Debbie Does Dallas, or a pair of vibrating nipple clamps?
      I’m joking … obviously. But if I do try to “get caught”, there is the obvious question of how soft-core I start – provoke a reaction and risk a negative reaction, or start small and risk being ignored. Oh the dilemmas of an unrequited fetishist.

    • I say the same, leave something out and see where it takes you.

  3. something that will give her pleasure. Make it all about her and see how that works.

    • There’s a big difference between what might give Her pleasure, and what She might think might give Her pleasure. The first of those I could take a good guess at. The second, there is apparently very little to guess at.

  4. Hi AM,
    I’m on a different side of this scenario and I wonder how it would feel to be my husband. Last week, I had some girlfriends over for lunch…their gift to me, a new vibrator I can’t wait to try and edible nipple tassels. (Do I have “unfucked” written across my forehead?)

    Happy you are back.


  5. I say take a chance and leave some shit out! Chances are she won’t say anything anyway, right? And it might get you guys talking. xx Hy

  6. Many moons ago when my babies were babies my OH bought a porn DVD to try to get me interested again. But he never showed it to me or even hinted that he’d bought it. If only…I’m now the one who watches more (kinkier) porn. So, yes leave something out, a really good (tame) erotic novel? A pretty purple vibrator (go Lelo, what’s not to love). She may surprise you, She may talk about it.

    • Leave a vibrator out? For my Wife? Oh, I nearly fell of my chair laughing.

      She didn’t even respond positively to sexy (not tarty or kinky) underwear, doesn’t like the idea of receiving oral, and I could count on the fingers of one hand how many times those fingers have been allowed up Her cunt. And I wouldn’t have to count all the fingers on one hand. And I’m not including my thumb in the count either.

      No, I don’t think leaving a vibrator out would go down well. For one thing, why would I own one?

  7. Just in case? There are many now that are billed as massagers – what woman would resist a massage with a lightly vibrating ‘tool’?

    Back to your blog – which is your favourite porn film then? The one you couldn’t find.

    • I can think of at least one woman who would resist a massage with a lightly vibrating ‘tool’?

      The movie is nothing particularly special, just one I keep going back to at the moment. It’s (supposed to look like) a TV show that (fakes) interviews with (fake) members of the public and asks if they’ll (really) fuck on film for cash.

    • Can’t think of a single woman who would resist a massage (or am I thinking of chocolate instead?)

      Any recommendations for a good porno film then?

      ps do you work at home/read your blog at work/not work and can therefore blog whenever you get the urge?

    • Recommend a good porno? Surely that’s entirely subjective?
      Re work – a bit of all of those. Having the WordPress app on my phone, and my account set to notify me when I get replies etc, usually means I can respond pretty quickly to comments.

    • Err, one’s that’s a bit more BDSM?
      So tempting to send a NSFW message on the chance that you might be in a meeting (if you go to such things/if they still exist etc)

    • I’m not really the person to give an opinion on BDSM skin flics. Believe it or not, they’re not really my thing.
      And feel free to send NSFW messages whenever you like. I might not be able to respond straight away, but I can usually look at them. (Have you read my latest DLS?)

    • Yes, but sounds so painful! Like the idea of wearing a butt plug when in a client’s office though, sounds…great. Am planning a lunchtime trip to the pub tomorrow with a short(ish) skirt, boots, hold ups and going commando.

      On the porno front I was thinking more tying up and fucking than actual BDSM, something less vanilla than most.

    • Sounds very sexy. Will you be accidentallyflashing anyone in the pub?
      Even film of tying up and fucking isn’t to my taste. I’d love to find a porno with lots of rubber, but the glam side, not the heavy / BDSM / gas mask side.

    • Well, who knows…but it prob will be accidental if it happens, not a Sharon Stone moment.
      I had you down as a tying up man (and a bdsm man for that) but suppose not given Her. So all that rubber and no outlet, so to speak
      I would so love a dress/whatever by Atsuko Kudo, a corseted dress perhaps with long black gloves

    • Ha ha. I am not always what I seem.

      I very nearly had something made by Atsuko Kudo ages ago. Wish I had.

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