The true cost

I’m horny. Really. Fucking. Horny. I can feel it from my scalp to the soles of my feet. And you know the thing I want most, Dear Reader? It’s not a fuck. It’s not a wank. It’s not a blow job. Or anal. Or anything fetishistic. What I want is to taste pussy.

I’ve not been allowed to enjoy burying my face between a women’s legs and loose myself in her delicious wetness for years. It’s so long I can barely remember what it’s like to suck pussy lips into my mouth, to graze my teeth across a clit, and to force my tongue as deep as I can into a hot, dripping, gorgeous quim. And I miss the hell out of it.

Horny as I am, I found myself wondering … really wondering … seriously considering … phoning up an escort I’ve conversed with online, and asking if she’s free tomorrow. (The reality is there’s a reasonable chance she’d talk me out of it, but that’s another story.) I genuinely went through the thought process of wondering what it would cost to stick my fingers and tongue up her cunt.

But I know exactly what she charges. £120 for an hour. It says so on her web profile. Next to her phone number. And I know that what it would take to satisfy my lust today is well within her normal services. Fuck! I even know that if I wanted her to wear rubber, she could accommodate that too.

I seriously thought about how much cash I would need to part with. I know what it costs to rent a cheap hotel room for a night, even if you only use it for an hour. For less than £200 I could have the best sex I’ve had in … oh let me think … in more than a decade! Admittedly, it would probably end up costing more than that. Just a little more. Probably in the region of half a million pounds Stirling, one way or another. It would probably cost me my home and my lifestyle. It would quite likely cost many hours of solicitor’s time. Cost me some of my friends. Add to that all the emotional cost.

It all adds up to a lot more than £200 for an hour. But I thought about it. And I am trying hard not to think about it still.

19 Responses to “The true cost”

  1. We are skating on thin ice my friend. Then again…we ain’t gettin’ any younga’!

    Carpe Fucking Diem.

    • I have not set foot on the ice yet. But I have stared long and hard at it, and I suspect the water beneath is deep, black, cold, and unwelcoming. Only the brave and stupid test the ice without great care and, for now at least, my skates remain by my side.

  2. You have my admiration. You know some of my story, and how often I strayed. Stay strong to your integrity, in the end, it’s better than even the best sex. But, as someone once said to me, happiness shouldn’t be a straight jacket. The only reason you are still married is because of you. If the need for great sex as well as other things ever out-weighs your need to stay married, then get out.

  3. Confessions of Your Husband's Mistress Says:

    I admire your strength and reason. These urges can be so impulsive and there’s so many ways to justify your actions. But when these urges pass, and they will – slowly and painfully- you will be left with your beautiful family and a clean conscious.

  4. rougedmount Says:

    i get so very frustrated with the entire implied expectations of a monogamous marriage. where in the marriage contract did it say you shall remain faithful once the sexual components were removed? did you marry a wife? or move in with a sibling? wife implies consent and condoning consensual sexual contact. sibling is lack of contact..roommates..these “urges” and “impulses” are HUMAN NATURE and there is nothing wrong with them! life is about choices and accepting them. you have had a choice imposed on you and as such you are not accepting of it. stay and endure a lifetime of celibacy and lack of sexual contact or stay and have an affair knowing that you have compromised a morality you expected of yourself. OR you divorce and you find an appropriate woman to SHARE your life and your body with. Do NOT think wanting a sex life is abnormal. You are living in a dysfunctional relationship. Its that simple.

    • I think you said that very well and I agree with you..I am in a monogamous relationship (i am also trying to find the words for what I consider cheating,last question on Mrs. Fever) I would not want my spouse to go astray but if i was not having sex with him i would have to take a look at that….We are sexual creatures and to deny ones self is one thing, but to deny another human is (in my head) is abuse.

  5. filledandfooled Says:

    I’m only liking this because I enjoy seeing your thought process. And I enjoy seeing your commitment, though what you are dealing with is really rough, and you don’t deserve it.

  6. I started to relate my story – it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you can look yourself in the mirror and be ok. I hope you are ok AM. You know yourself well enough to know what to do.

  7. as i left here and went back to my “reader” page, it hit me that you didn’t put down the cost to you of remaining as you have been and Only you can answer that.

  8. if you feel like tasting some sweet and fresh pussy,just go for it, before your horny instincts overwhelmed you into doing something improper!

  9. There is a part of me that wants to tell you to do it…be aggressive, but loving, but I do not know your situation or your wife…I do know that sometimes in life we need to be pushed in a direction and while we are being pushed we push back almost as hard. But as the push goes on, something will break its just a matter of which push breaks first.

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