For those of you who were excited at the prospect of my purchase of underwear for my Wife for Xmas, here’s a long overdue follow up.

28 days after I bought them, they were still unworn, and because the statutory legal period in which I could return them was about to expire (and because we had another unrelated purchase that needed to be returned to a different shop) I sent my Wife a quick text message to see what She thought I should do with them.


Nothing more than confirmation. No apparent interest in getting a credit note and sorting out an exchange at some point. Ok. Well that seals that then.

So I took the offending articles back to the lingerie shop. And the conversation went something like this …

Me : Hi, I’m afraid I’ve got some underwear I need to bring back.
Sales assistant : Ok. I’m sorry but we only do credit notes or exchange.
Me : Hmmm. Neither of those are really going to be any use to me this side of a divorce or an affair.
Sales assistant : Oh dear. Why’s that?
Me : Because my Wife objects to the sexualisation of women and doesn’t want to be objectified.
Sales assistant : Ah. I see. I’m afraid there’s nothing really I can do – it’s shop policy.
Me : Oh.
Sales assistant : I could give you vouchers?
Me : OK. I suppose they’ll be easier to sell than a credit note.
Sales assistant : I could kind of understand if you’d bought her something slutty from Ann Summers, but these are really pretty and feminine.
Me : I know, but …
Sales assistant : If it’s any consolation there are plenty of women who would have loved these.
Me : Yeah. Like I say … a divorce or affair.
Sales assistant : Hmmm. Could you give the vouchers to an employee? Actually, that might not come accross quite right.
Me : Yeah.
Sales assistant : Oh well. I’m really sorry.

So home, via the newsagent at the end of our road to put a card in their window. It read something like this.

For sale: £85 worth of lingerie vouchers for just £70.
Unwanted gift for unappreciative wife, returned to shop but refunds not available. So I’m stuck with vouchers that are no use to me this side of a divorce or an affair.
To be used at Luxurious Designer Lingerie Emporium, High Street, Townsville. They’ve even got a sale on at the moment.
Call AM on 07555 654 321

That may well have come across as a little bitter, and may have contributed to the fact that I got no replies in two weeks.

So I headed back over to High Street, Townsville, to see if I could find a more local shop that put private advertisements in the window.

A quick walk up and down High Street left me stymied – I could find no such shops. So I went in to Luxurious Designer Lingerie Emporium to see if they knew anywhere appropriate. I was also hoping that if I pointed out that I was trying to sell vouchers for their shop and the circumstances of why I had no choice but to sell them, the shop’s manager might take pity and give me a refund.

Unfortunately she could offer no suggestions, but a fellow shopper, having overheard my predicament, pointed me towards a local newsagent who would put for sale cards in their window. She then suggested I could donate the vouchers to the local hospice. It turned out she worked in their fund raising shop, and such donations were always eagerly accepted.

It was a good idea, but times are hard and the underwear wasn’t exactly cheap. I’d bear it in mind but for now it would be a backup plan.

As she left the shop before me, the other customer wished me luck for the promises of tomorrow as I was obviously a good person. An odd comment, but thankfully one that did not evolve into debate.

The shop manager again apologized for not being able to help, and I left, found the newsagent in question, and paid for my card to occupy their window for two weeks, coming up to Valentine’s Day.


Two weeks later …
… nothing.

Almost as disappointing as the lingerie being unappreciated.

And then the vouchers sat under a pile of papers on my desk for a couple of months. Until I realised it was approaching a different anniversary.

A few years ago, a good friend of mine spent his last few days in the palliative care of the hospice in Townsville. He was a great appreciator of women, and I have no doubt that lacy lingerie was worn, and them removed, on many many occasions for his benefit. All the blocks fall into place, and I will be donating the vouchers to the hospice in his memory.

I hope he would have appreciated the irony, more than my Wife appreciated the gift.

11 Responses to “Disposal”

  1. Given my penchant for lingerie there are so many things I could say here but you did the right thing in the end

  2. this breaks my heart. I love it. I do say though, as an appreciator of beautiful underwear, that you should buy her a cotton, long gown that buttons up to her neck – Prairie style. I wish I could roll you up in all my beautiful lingerie just for fun. xo, Jayne

  3. I love your blogs, I also have a second blog on old pictures.
    SENSUALITE | La beauté à l’état pure

  4. […] I had this post, queued, and ready to go when I saw this post last week by The Accidental Masturbator. Clearly we have similar issues with our […]

  5. Reading this makes me sad. And reminds me of a Xmas long ago, when I asked for lingerie from my husband, and got basic black cotton matching bra and panties, not even in my size. I so would have liked to get sexy lingerie that time. I mean, if I want basic cotton underwear, I can buy it myself. I wish for you that one day your wife sees the light, and how lucky she is to have someone who adores her enough to want to worship her in sexy lingerie. Nothing objectifying in it. But the objectifying makes me think of all the kinks you told us but she isn’t aware of… and gives me little hope she will ever know. Good luck. XO

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