It’s a sensitive matter

Cock in hand, ball sack tugged hard and low, foreskin pulled as far back as possible, pre-cum smeared over swollen helmet, fingers rasping cruelly at sensitive flesh. That’s when it struck me. That was the moment the light bulb appeared above my head.

That was when I diagnosed one of my Wife’s problems.

Ok. I know I diagnosed one of my Wife’s problems sounds a pretty arrogant, a bit judgemental, and if I meant it literally I’d deserve all the flaming every feminist in the land could heap on me. But …

Every woman I’ve ever fucked (and one of two I haven’t quite fucked) has enjoyed me masturbating them. And every one of them has enjoyed me spreading wide their pussy lips, easing back their hood, and strumming (or licking) at their clit like my life depended on it. At times I’ve had scratches down my back, aching hair folicles and burst eardrums to prove it. Every single one of them. Without exception. Well, actually every single one of them, with one exception: my Wife.

In the 12yrs or so that we’ve been together, the number of times my hand has been allowed between her thighs is … well, let’s just say we haven’t discarded as many calendars. As for the number of times my fingers have be allowed to explore the inner delights of Her lovely cunt, I think you could probably half that number, and then round down the resultant digit. Never, I repeat NEVER, have I been permitted to attend to Her clit. I can occasionally massage Her mound, I can bump and grind against it when we fuck, but I may not so much as graze a finger across Her pearl.

And as I threashed away at my own tender helmet, a possible reason hit me.

As you may know, Dear Reader, I am the proud owner of a foreskin. What’s significant here is its primary biological purpose: to protect the sensitive tissues of, and around the tip of the penis.


If you don’t have a foreskin of your own, let me assure you there are quite a lot of sensitive tissues that make up the tip of the penis and the foreskin does a very good job of protecting them. Significantly, it does a very good job of keeping them sensitive.

Surprisingly, I had probably been tossing myself off for about a decade and a half before I really understood the divine pleasures of pulling back my foreskin, to expose my glans to direct stimulation. And I have Geri to thank for that lesson. Up until that point, I had stroked myself off exploiting the elastic nature of my cock’s skin and keeping my knob largely covered. Then one day, as Geri’s hand was wrapped around my shaft, she sharply pulled back my foreskin. Further back than it had ever been pulled. A lot further. Completely exposing my corona and sulcus for the first time. It was a bit of a shock, really quite uncomfortable, and I flinched as I told her to take it easy.

However, it was a bit like loosing your virginity. The first time is quite likely to be somewhere between disappointing and regrettable. From then on, it just gets better and better. And it did. As Geri started taking The Pill around the same time, we also stopped using condoms, and it’s difficult to explain quite how much better her cunt felt as my tip got more and more used to stimulation.

In the preceding 15 years, when I had tossed myself off, my fingers had rarely ventured ‘twixt my hood and glans, and when they did the sensations were sufficiently intense that I could only tolerate them momentarily. Having fallen victim to Geri’s enthusiasm for my cock I found a whole new world of masturbation was progressively opened before me. Where I had loved my shaft, I finally understood the mind melting pleasure I could have from playing with my helmet.

Now here’s the science bit.
The clitoris and the glans are the same thing.

Obviously that’s not exactly true, but do a little reading on sexual development in the context of embryology, and it won’t take you long to learn that the clitoris and glans are derived from the same cellular structures. (I may have my terminology slightly wrong; please forgive me if so.) Which, at last, brings me to my point …

Not long after we started sleeping together, my Wife asked how often I wanked. Knowing that 10-15 times a week was more frequent than the vast majority of people, I lied. I think I probably said 2 or 3 times a week. When I asked how often She wanked, She said occasionally. I was pretty sure I wasn’t the only one being a little loose with the truth. What I suspect She meant was that She had masturbated occasionally. I’m guessing that even having then reached Her early 30s, She had only ever fingered Herself a few times.

Just as my glans had only latterly been introduced to direct attention, and had previously been almost intolerably sensitive, so remains my Wife’s clit. Because She’s never played with it, and no one else has been allowed to, Her clit is just too damned sensitive. And I suspect that unless She makes a concerted effort to rectify that situation, Her most exquisite of buttons, will for ever remain off limits.

19 Responses to “It’s a sensitive matter”

  1. Fascinating. And somehow I think you’re very right.

  2. Dear A.M.,
    With all do respect to your wife… Is she not willing to explore her sexuality with you? I understand that you have both recently re-connected within your marriage. In the beginning of your relationship/marriage was your wife more sexually open? I think this was a Great Post. I would definitely ask her if clitoral stimulation is just to sensitive, and would she be willing to try either a warm wash cloth( it feels so good), or warm water gently poured on her clit (that also feels good). Sometimes as light as the touch maybe, it can be too much in the beginning. I hope I was able to help give you some suggestions.
    This from the gal who pumps her clit everyday and Loves it!
    Your Friend,

    • Is She not willing to explore Her sexuality with me?
      Much as it is difficult for most of us to be aware that we have a culture or accent, I suspect it would be hard for Her to acknowledge that She has a sexuality, never mind be willing to explore it.

      In the beginning of our relationship …?
      Ha ha! Therein lies a tale that could shed some light, though without necessarily be illuminating.

      Ask Her about clitoral stimulation …?
      That’s like PhD communication, compared to our struggle with A-B-C. Though rest assured, if we ever progress that far, I shall bear the wash cloth in mind.

    • Oh Dear…..Sounds like there are many complex issues at hand (no pun intended) If she has an alcohol beverage does she “let loose”?
      Hang in there My Friend we are here to support.
      Your Friend,

    • She is the only person I know who can make a bottle of wine last a week. But on the rare occasions She has more than 2 glasses, yes She can have some fun. Though that’s not even an annual occurrence.

    • I understand. I wish I had some female words of wisdom to pass along. Perhaps it will just take time and your patients for her to “cum” around.

    • Thanks for the sentiment.
      (I regard the majority of my online questions as rhetorical – an exorcism of my own thoughts – so no solutions are ever actually expected.)

  3. rougedmount Says:

    you have found your eureka moment. do some research on sexual positions. in the missionary, if you are up high on her, your shaft will repeatedly stroke her clitoris. but her sensitivity can be used to your advantage if you try and work it that way.

    • Getting Her to cum is not a problem. And I understand (physiologically) why She cums when we fuck missionary.
      Sadly, even if we could get as far as trying, nay, even considering trying other positions, I don’t think that would get Her to be (normally) comfortable with me masturbating Her. And as for oral … sheesh!

  4. I found your blog a few days ago and been reading your past posts and am glad to see you are trying to work things out, I commend you on your patience and not giving up like so many do.

  5. Your physical explanation seems spot on – but I think the underlying problem is of emotional nature and rather complex to solve. Could be childhood experiences, fear of losing control, estrangement with her own body – and the only solution coming to my mind is therapy – lame, I know, but it’s the only thing I know which helps to face anc change these kind of issues.
    I admire your patience.

  6. Your wife is missing out. It’s far easier to bring a woman off with hands than it is with cock.

    • Hands or tongue!
      And as easy as it is to make my Wife cum with my cock, I’ve always found (with exes) that I can provide much stronger, more protracted orgasms either manually or orally.

  7. […] masturbate Her. She said She couldn’t. Add the fact that direct clitoral stimulation appears too intense for Her, it all suggests to me that if She ever masturbates, it is extremely […]

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