Surprisingly little explanation required

The phone rang. Not my mobile, as I would have been able to answer that without getting up from the sofa, but the land line. I put my laptop down and went to answer the call in the other room, leaving the rest of the family on the couch. I was aware that there was a porno selfie on the computer’s screen but I placed it so it was angled away from sight and I’d only be away from it for a few seconds.


Inevitably the phone call lasted longer than anticipated and when I returned to the living room, there were the family staring at the picture on my laptop: a shot of me taken from behind, naked, on all fours, three ball stretching rings clamped around my scrotum, and Geri kneeling behind me, about to plunge her bright blue strap-on dildo into my arse.


My Wife : We read the body of the email.
There wasn’t really a lot for me to say. Denial was obviously pointless and explanation … I’d been emailing a photo of myself wearing CBT toys and about to get buggered by an ex-girlfriend and relating how much I enjoyed it … well, how do you explain that?
My Wife : Do you do that often?
Me : Not any more.
With hindsight, both an odd question and an odd answer. Odd because they were present tense. Unless I’m fucking (or in this case getting fucked by) someone else, why would we be talking in the present tense. Though I guess She could have been referring to the ball stretchers. Which I do still enjoy wearing from time to time.

Later, in the kitchen, as I was making a cup of tea, my Wife and said …
Her : Than you for singing my song.
And because I was deep in REM sleep and all this was a dream, I knew that She meant Thank you for setting aside your kinky fetishes in favour of My limited sexual tastes. And in my dream, it was genuine, heart felt thanks, and no one felt offended, hurt, betrayed, or embarrassed.

8 Responses to “Surprisingly little explanation required”

  1. Aw! That’s cute!!

  2. Awww this made me want to cry.

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