Blame it on The System

In bloated, complex societies that most of us live in, it’s frequently easy to blame it on the system. Sometimes all we want really is someone else to blame, but sometimes there is a fair degree of justification. And when some sexy post arrived for me this week, I felt such a complaint would not have been completely without grounds.

Last week I was nearly outed by Customs and Excise.

Recently I’ve been running out of socks without holes and boring underwear. The latter is not wholly a bad thing, as the pantsuk that have been wearing out are the last remnants of the smalls I had amassed before I embarked on reinvigorating my underwear drawer with a little more colour and shape.

There were a couple of items I’d spotted on the websites of UK retailers that had particularly caught my eye of late, but they were out of stock and had been in one case for around 6 months. Aware of the possibility these items could go out of production before they were restocked, I looked further afield and found them in stock with suppliers in the USA. Perversely, with the retail price being lower on t’other side of The Pond, shipping costs did no make them significantly more expensive that buying in the UK. So I ordered.

And waited.

And waited some more.

And waited yet longer.
To the extent I started to wonder if I’d been scammed by a fake online store.

And then they arrived.

Yeeee haaaaa!

But oh. Wait. What’s that?
I knew my orders would probably pass through a customs office at some stage, and declarations are required, but did the the store really need to be quite so detailed in their description?

In case you can’t read it (and I apologise for the shocking quality of the photograph) it says

Detailed description of contents:
Men’s underwear

Granted, the Customs’ Shipping Form had asked for a detailed description and at least the declaration didn’t say tiny, bright yellow, skin tight, silky briefs that’ll lift AM’s genitals to give His diminutive cock a slightly more impressive silhouette. You know, the sort of gay looking skimpies that were directly inspired by the term budgie smugglers. I suppose it could have been worse.

5 out of 6 of our weekly postal deliveries arrive whilst my Wife is at work, and I’d been banking on my latest shipment of sexual purchases falling within that majority. So I guess it was inevitable that Sod’s Law would come into force and my new undies would arrive the same day She was going to work late.

Now I know the question you’re asking, Regular Reader: I though AM said he wanted to out himself with his  MLWCONS and the contents of his underwear drawer. Why wouldn’t he want this special delivery to arrive when his Wife is at home? Surely that it would be an ideal conversation to break the ice? Well I’ve always envisaged the conversation going something like this:
My Wife : How come I’ve never seen you wearing all your G-strings and ball stretchers?
Me : Precisely so we didn’t have to have this conversation!
Yes, Dear Reader, I know it’s screwed up, but you should know me well enough by now for that to come as no surprise.

But thankfully, whilst Her Majesty’s Department of Customs and Excise, and the Royal Mail, and my Wife’s flexible working hours nearly conspired to out me, the post arrived about 3 minutes after She had left the house. PHEW!

Anyway, just in case you were wondering, these are what bought.

Bruno Banani Glendale Tanga Brief.WPuwBBg

Back in February, my Wife and I sat watching the opening ceremony of the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics, and into the arena proudly marched the sole Tongan competitor, Bruno Banani. That’s an odd coincidence, thought I. My orange Anti Stress Tanga is made by Bruno Banani. The commentator went on to explain how the luge competitor had signed a sponsorship deal with the German underwear manufacturer and changed his name accordingly. I had to smile … just to myself of course. Anyway, the Anti Stress Tanga is really comfortable, if not quite so genitally accommodating as some of my other shreddies, but the orange dye hasn’t been the most resilient in the face of machine washing, so it is on its way out, and these are a very similar cut … and purple(my favorite colour) … and so silky it’s difficult not to spend all day stokin yourself in them.

Joe Snyder Bulge Full Bikini (mango)WPuwJSbfb

Having bought a Joe Snyder Bulge Thong quite a while ago, I’ve been after a Bulge Bikini for almost as long. From behind, the cut is modest enough to be worn as daily pantsUK, but the pouch is small enough to barely contain even my modest package very snugly, and it’s just as well I don’t like to have much in the way of pubic hair, because it would all be sticking out the top. And as for the colour? Eye catchingly bright is somewhat understating the case.

Bum Chums Stealth Fire Sport BriefWPuwBCsf

When I bought my first pair of Bum Chums briefs, they turned out to be a little bigger – more modest – than I’d hoped for, especialy with their double layer front pannel. Why would I want to hide my cock? But I love the highlighting stitching on these, especially the matching seam that runs down the back, highlighting the line of my crack.

Ergowear Max Light Bikini (fuchsia)WPuwEWmlf

I’ve long spoken out against gender segregation when it comes to colour: there is no reason at all for blue to be a boys colour and pink to be a girls colour. It’s all bollocks. And speaking of bollocks, mine have been so incredibly comfortable in my mink coloured Max Light Bikini, so when I saw it was produced in luscious pink, it was a no-brainer. And everyone should have just a little campness in their underwear collection.

Ergowear Max Mesh Boxer (black)WPuwEWmlb

Since I was ordering the Max Light Bikini from the Ergowear website across the Atlantic, it seemed prudent to spread the cost of P+P across more than one item. Even though these boxers are mesh, it is not see-through (sadly) so they are almost modest enough to wear when the physiotherapist or GP ask me to take my trousers off. Obviously I say almost because much like the rest of the Ergowear range, they do make your the shape of your cock and balls pretty hard to ignore (thankfully).

My favorite? It’s a tough call between the yellow Bulge bikini and the pink Max Light bikini. What d’you think, Dear Reader?

WPuwEWx3dAnd incidentally, I can’t wait for the Ergowear X3D Suave Bikini to be available in the UK! If only I looked that good in them.

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