I want to be …

I want to be your slave.
No. That’s not right.
I want to be Her slave.
Better, but still no.
I want to be Her sex slave.
Yes. Yes. Fuck yes. But no. There are too many connotations with the word slave I’m really not comfortable about.
I want to be Her servant.
To a degree, yes, but there’s still the implication of hierarchy and that’s not what I want at all.
I want to service Her.
Well that goes without saying. But maybe it’s getting closer to the point.

Some context to this thought cloud.

We had the house to ourselves on Saturday night. Grandparents stepping into the breach again so we could go to a gig. We got home late and went pretty much straight to bed. I made no effort at all to hide my semi.
Ok.
You got me.
I’m not being completely straight here.
I ensured She was in bed before me, and as I brushed my teeth, I stroked my cock to give myself a semi, and then made a point of undressing so that She got to see it for as long as possible. We had the house to ourselves and for me it was too good an opportunity to miss. Loud, vocal, wanton, uninhibited sex. I’m nothing if not an optimist.

Often I’m overly optimistic.
If She paid my swell any heed, it didn’t show.

A couple of days earlier (and the day after the morning after the wedding I’d acted on Her suggestion and reached for Her significantly before the alarm clock.
We fucked for the third time in as many days. I gave Her Her orgasm. We rolled Her onto Her back and She made Herself available for me to fill Her with mine. I choose my words carefully there, because when She has cum and I fuck Her so I can cum too, that’s what it feels like: She is making Herself available. Whilst She doesn’t communicate any dislike, it doesn’t really feel like She actively enjoys me pleasuring myself with Her body.

The morning after the gig, I reached for Her again. She snuggled up and Her hand moved towards my groin, but without apparent enthusiasm. That’s OK. Disappointing, but OK. I stopped Her, told Her it was fine, and we snuggled. She obviously craved sleep more than She craved me.
10 minutes later I detached myself, got up, and got dressed. As I did, She offered “Maybe you could come back later.” A clear invitation, but one that I felt did not reflect Her own desires.
I had breakfast, and read some sex blogs.
Amongst them, I read Being used. (I hope Sweet Servitude will excuse me if I quote her.)

I know the feeling of not being turned on initially but being used by my Master. This doesn’t happen much to me but oh how I wish to be used that way. Because as you realize you are serving and that your Master WANTS to use YOU, and then you see that he is needing and craving and so aroused by USING you, then you are suddenly hot and wet!

I don’t want to be a slave, or a sex slave, or a sub, or a servant to my Wife. But I want to be wanted by Her. And I want to service Her needs, even when I’m not in the mood. Because servicing Her is it’s own reward. Even if, when She is done with my fingers and tongue, and my muscles are screaming with the effort, I don’t get to cum myself, to have given Her that pleasure would be a pleasure in itself.

I think what it boils down to is …
I want to be Her slut. I want to be Her whore.

24 Responses to “I want to be …”

  1. May you find what works for you both. Being a slut is nice sometimes 🙂

  2. I’ll be wishing that for you. xo

  3. Does she know that? But it’s hard telling someone what you want. I understand the feeling too well. I hope you two find that balance as well.

  4. Oh, AM…EXACTLY how I feel, too. ” I want to be HIS slut. I want to be HIS whore.”

    • To read that coming from a sub … I want to say No, your wrong, because there are posts I read from subs that talk about situations I absolutely don’t want. But then, becuase you’re replying to what I’ve described as my own desires, I find myself thinking about where they come from, what I really want in the context of what a sub really wants, and the ways these are manifest in our relationships. D/s as a game can be fun, but as a lifestyle, it’s not for me, but the idea that I may want what a sub wants unsettles and confuses me a little. To an unexpected degree.

      At least I’ll never have to figure out the answer to that in this relationship. Ha ha!

      • I’m not saying you are a sub or that you desire to live the lifestyle 24/7. Lol. I was agreeing to the quote you gave, but for myself.
        “I want to be HIS slut. I want to be HIS whore.” I shouldn’t have said EXACTLY. My apologies. I love the quote for what it means to me personally. 🙂

  5. because when She has cum and I fuck Her so I can cum too, that’s what it feels like: She is making Herself available. Whilst She doesn’t communicate any dislike, it doesn’t really feel like She actively enjoys me pleasuring myself with Her body.

    This got me thinking…

    I do this. I “make myself available” as you say. To wit:

    It takes me a while to cum. With my husband… He’s really good at making sure I go first. In ten years of marriage, there have been less than ten times when he’s cum first during intercourse. So please understand that this is not a criticism (not of him and not of you); I’m just thinking out loud.

    It can take me a long time to reach orgasm, even when I’m immensely turned on. And by “long time” I don’t mean “ten minutes.” I mean “an hour or longer.” And there’s been this tidal wave building for all that time, swelling and receding and swelling again more fully, lapping like demanding waves upon my body’s shore. So when I finally *do* cum, it washes over me with a crash and roll. It’s like… A thunderstorm. A tsunami. An uncontrollable force of nature.

    And when it’s over…

    I’m not ready to have him pumping in and out of me. I am in a weird floaty space that I need to recover from, and I need to reconnect with my own body before I can even stand to be touched in the barest of ways.

    There are times my husband gets this, totally. He waits for me, he slows his strokes, he pets me, he kisses my cheeks, my eyelids, my temple… He waits for me to rejoin him – in body *and* spirit – before picking up the pace again and reaching for his own orgasm.

    However, there are also times he doesn’t. He doesn’t remember, he doesn’t get it, he doesn’t realize. He’s too caught up in chasing his own orgasm to realize that I’m not truly “finished” with mine until my soul is done flying and has returned to its home back inside my own body. And those are the times when it is basically me “making myself available” to him. It’s not unwanted, exactly. But it *can* be uncomfortable. And it’s not something I actively dislike… But it’s not something I enjoy either.

    I won’t pretend to have the foggiest idea what’s going on in your wife’s head, but if it helps at all (or if it doesn’t – I’m just thinking out loud here 🙂 ), that’s what my experience is like.

    • The question of where Her head is, post orgasm, is not one I’d particularly considered. That said I / we (?) have little problem getting Her to cum. I find the signs obvious, and knowing how to slow or accelerate the wave, how to prolong and amplify Her orgasm, is not only intuitive, but when we fuck She never seems to have any objections to that. (There are sometimes objections to what I do with my hands – there are frequently points when it’s profoundly counterproductive to go anywhere near traditional erogenous zones with my hands.)

      One significant difference from what you relate is that, after She cums, She invariably seems keen for me to cum. And preferably in Her pussy. She shows little enthusiasm for wanking me, though She will do so without objection if I ask Her to in those times. Rather, it seems, She would rather lie back and think of England, as the saying goes.

      You have, however given me a thought for something to try:
      She wants us to cum together. A nice idea, but even for those who are far better matched sexually, that can be a challenge. (OK. Two thoughts. Perhapse I need to communicate that to Her.)
      She wants me to cum in Her. I can do that. Perhaps I should concentrate on that. I should fuck me before I fuck Her, and see where that takes us. Interesting food for thought. Thank you.

      • Another idea….first make sure she knows that you want to cuddle and hug and be next to her without the end being cum for either of you. At least 50% of the time, show affection only and tell her how much you want her body and also love her closeness, her smell, her attire, even if not dressed sexy.

        Ok, two ideas…..ask her to be on top for sex some of the time. It is practically impossible to be on top and not respond at all, right? While she is on top, be very, very gentle as it seems she has some issues with some touches. If need be, massage around her breasts and don’t even go for the nipples. Tell her how wonderful it is, how much you love her breasts, face, hair, etc…

        Just some thoughts. 🙂

        • I’m going to try the hugs and nothing more for the monent. (No idea how long that will last!) One danger is I wake Her, She looses sleep, She gets more tired, Her libido decreases even more. The other is that being even nominally intimate makes me even hornier, and my frustration levels increase.

          She invariably goes on top anyway. I can give Her longer, apparently stronger orgasms in missionary (as I can grind against Her mound more easily, which invariably works) but She prefers to be on top as my hands are free to stroke Her. Unfortunately, all too often She’ll move my hands away from Her tits, and they’re not allowed between Her legs, which leaves me with Her back and outer thighs. I don’t get to play with the fun bits, which deminishes the eroticism for me, my frustration builds, and honestly, at that point, I’d rather She got off me so I could go and have a cup of tea.

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