Insatiable

One of the things blogging has show me is that I’m normal. Well, maybe not normal as such, possibly a little unusual in some respects, but certainly not exceptional. And that’s a good thing. We all like to be identifiable as part of a tribe, and the Sex Bloggers Tribe is one into which I am very happy to have been accepted. In many ways, these are my kind of perverts.

This morning, as my Wife showered, and I lay sexually frustrated in bed with a hand wrapped round my erection, I reached for my smartphone and discovered another tribe with which I feel more than a little affinity:

I AM AN INSATIABLE

WPtIn

What does that mean to me, and why is it important, asks Evie The Rabbit?

It means that for around 20yrs I masturbated (and ejaculated), on average, twice a day. On average. Editor: I’m not sure that’s normal. Probably not unique, especially within the Sex Bloggers Tribe but definitely not normal! Some days I didn’t wank at all. On one particularly memorable occasion, in my early 20s, I gave myself 8 orgasms in one night.
Cum – relax – breathe – get hard – wank – repeat – repeat – repeat – etc.
Even when I’ve been in long term relationships with regular sex, good sex, really good sex, if I wasn’t with my respective girlfriend over night, I would still toss myself off when I went to sleep and when I woke up. If we’d fucked in the morning and I then went back to my own flat, I would often feel the urge sit on my sofa and jerk off again as soon as I got home, maybe only 3 or 4 hours later.

Now that I’m older, and less energetic, my hand is still wrapped round my erection most mornings. I don’t necessarily make myself cum every day, but that is most likely to be because either my Wife is asleep next to me (and the manual vigour required to get myself off is likely to wake Her), or because somewhere down the line, mid wank, the ghosts escape. (More of that in a minute.) That said, on such days, it is far from unknown for me to masturbate in the middle of the day, and then I invariably do orgasm.

It could be said that I’m an insatiable wanker, but that would only be true because of opportunity. Pretty much every time I rub one out, I’d far rather be fucking. My Wife recently said “I don’t think I’m ever going to keep up with you.” I don’t doubt that for a moment. For Her, sex once a week is enough to keep the relationship well founded. Probably more than enough. Me? I’d like sex every day. I’d be happier still with sex twice a day. Three or more if the opportunity arose. I have been in such relationships before, and still had a wank numerous times a week. It was never too much. I always wanted more.

I am insatiable.

Much as with any good tale, there is, inevitably, a twist in this one.
As much as I love sex and am insatiable in my desire for it, I also hate it.

Insatiable (ĭn-sā′shə-bəl, -shē-ə-)
adj. Impossible to satiate or satisfy

Impossible to satiate.
Impossible.
Granted, within my marriage, it is all but inconceivable that my sexual desires will ever be entirely satisfied, but the reality is I probably never will be. Is it possible to know that one of your strongest urges cannot ever be fulfilled, and to be happy at the same time.

It is a mill stone. An albatross. And these are the ghosts that haunt my moments of self loving with self loathing.

I am not proud of being insatiable.
No.
That’s wrong.
When I inhabit the shadowy caves of the Sex Bloggers Tribe, I am quite proud of being insatiable. But in the moments when I see how being unsatisfiable strains both my own psyche and my marriage, it is not something that fills me with joy.
And yet, when I unwrap my hand from around my erection and reach for the tissues, I am in my element, and I want more.

I am insatiable.

21 Responses to “Insatiable”

  1. Reblogged this on Evie the Rabbit and commented:
    And we have our first Insatiable, proudly proclaiming himself. This is an impressive bit of writing, both in terms of content and writing style. Highly enjoyable. I like the stubborn tone at the end there, the refusal to rein in this aspect of his inherent character.

  2. I loved this post. Your introspection is endearing.

  3. MySideOfTheStreet Says:

    Lovely post, AM. And one I think all of us in this little group of perverts can relate to. I, for one, am happy to know you.

  4. When I was in a relationship it was the same for me – sex once a week was enough. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex and now, after the divorce, I would like to have it all the time. I also crave to have a stable relationship, but I know that once I will be in one, I won’t want sex all the time. Because, quite frankly, sex with the same person all the time becomes boring.

    • Varied, playful, imaginative, mind melting, multi-orgasmic sex becones boring if it’s with the same problem? I envy anyone that kind of boredom.

      On a more serious note, assuming you are drawing a parallel between your in/out of a relationship sex drive with that o fmy Wife’s, as opposed to mine, She has, to the best of my knowledge, never really wanted more. Whether She has ever wanted more for Her own sake remains doubtful.

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