A recipe for iced cock-tails

When I read Tis’s post Shopping for cock, I was reminded of something I’ve been meaning to recommend to you Filthy Little Fuckers for ages. Many of us have tried food sex and whilst Tis’s SO fucking her with an 8″ girthed cucumber may have involved a vegetable a little larger than most have tried, it is probably the salad of choice for most people searching the fridge for toys.

My first experience of food sex was eating sliced strawberries and whipped cream from Alice’s pussy. I confess it wasn’t a great success – it had been recommended to her by her best friend, but to the best of my knowledge she didn’t explain the process, and when it came to it, neither of us could quite figure out how to make the most of the sweet treats.

It’s probably no surprise that Geri ate pineapple rings off my cock. But even with my average sized member the hole had to be enlarged, depriving the fruit of structural integrity, and the whole adventure was a bit of a failure … albeit a deliciously sticky source of amusement.

And I think it was the first Xmas after my Wife and I started dating when Her best friend gifted Her with a jar of Chocolate Body Paint.

WPcbp

Knowing my marriage as you do, Loyal Reader, you won’t be surprised to hear that the jar remained sealed till it was past it’s Best before date, at which point it was unceremoniously consigned to the bin.

Food sex is obviously fun … assuming you think that sex should be fun, and it’s really not difficult to find foods to spice up your sex life. All you need is a little imagination. (NB Spices in the bedroom are a mixed blessing – getting turmeric stains out of silk sheets is going to be infinitely more challenging than cum stains, and chilli juice on your juicy bits will most definitely warm them and is not for the feint hearted.)

As you know, Dear Reader, I have a pretty fertile imagination when it comes to sex. I can find something sexual in almost any situation. And Tis’s mention of getting fucked with a popsicle reminded me of an experiment I tried some years ago.

WPchpop

One hot summer day a colleague walked into my office. Having just cycled into work she was dripping with sweat. (Before you get too excited, Expectant Reader, there was no cheesy music in the background and this did not turn into a cheap 1980’s porn movie.) She placed a bottle of water on the desk and slumped into a chair. The bottle of water caught my eye. And I immediately thought of sex.

In anticipation of oppressive heat as she cycled through the bustling city, the night before she had take a bottle of spring water and put it in the freezer. Instant cooling for her commute. Genius. What I’m not sure about (for we had no such conversation) is whether she anticipated, or even noticed the phalic consequences. I’d explain, but it’s easier if I tell you how to reproduce the results.

Take a plastic bottle of around 300ml and fill it with water.
(If you want to be decedent, you could buy a bottle of spring water for the purpose, but why not do the planet a favour and save it from yet another bottle in the landfill.)
Place the bottle in the freezer overnight.
In the morning, take the bottle out of the freezer and leave it to thaw a little. After an hour or so it will apparent what you’re creating. How long you let it thaw will depend on various factors – ambient temperature, the shape and size of the bottle, and your own personal preference for size.
Assuming you want your creation to have a diameter greater than the neck of the bottle, you will probably need to cut the plastic away to excise it. The ice will be slippery and not as resilient as many toys, so take care not to drop it.
Finally, get naked and insert the perfectly shaped icicle into the bodily orifice of your choice. But be warned: if you’ve not been fucked with ice before, it’s a very very different sensation to flesh or silicone, and you may want to get an accomplice to tie you down and gag you first.

Have fun, Playful Perverts, and don’t forget to report back.

5 Responses to “A recipe for iced cock-tails”

  1. Hahah As there are no sex shops in Chiang Mai, I would be willing to try this one out.

  2. Yowzers that would be intense. I remember how crazy it was with the Popsicle because of the cold. I’ll still have to try it though. lol I’ll just wait for summer to get here.

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