Man vs Machine

I’ve discussed before how I tend to have a far more productive day at my desk when my balls are well drained, and how, on numerous occasions, I have had an unproductive morning, followed by a lunchtime wank to dispense with both a load of my jizz and the irritation of feeling horny, followed by a really productive afternoon. QED.

Well there are days when I can’t quite be bothered. Maybe I’m getting old, or am too tired, or just ground down by a relentlessly asexual marriage, but there are an increasing number of days when I just want to shoot my wad. I can’t be bothered with the pre-amble. Porn doesn’t inspire me. I just need a serotonin fix and a little less pressure in my bollocks. There have been more mornings like this recently than I would be pleased to count – I’ll wake up with a rod of mahogany, start to give it a polish, but part way through I find I just can’t be arsed to make myself cum.

Work wise, today was also so afflicted. I was distracted all the way till lunch time. Then I thought fuck it, got my cock out, and started to tug. Only to run out of enthusiasm. I put my member away and made myself a sandwich.

It’s at times like these, in the absence of an escort and the funds to procure some meaningless sex, a hole into which to stick my dick and then with which to be fucked, a machine would be good. Fans of Dirk Gently will be familiar with the concept of the electric monk – a device that does the believing for you. I could do with an electric cunt.


It could almost be a worthwhile business asset. Just like a photo copier. To misquote Timothy Leary, a way to plug in, turn on and get off, thus improving my productivity. Maybe it could also be designed to take care of my invoicing and tax returns … and do the house work.

Until then, I guess I shall just have to muster the will to wank. But perhaps in the future, every office will employ a sex robot in the typing pool.


5 Responses to “Man vs Machine”

  1. I get it. I don’t think it has anything to do with you per se, or your age. I had the same thing during my sexless marriage. I think the fact that one feels asexual most of the time, even goes to great lengths to avoid sexual encounters, makes one feel unworthy of sexual satisfaction, or unwilling to commit to achieving it, I’m not sure. It seems to be the latter for you, I think it may have been the former for me…
    Since I’ve reclaimed my femininity and my sexuality, I don’t have as big a problem getting myself off any more 🙂
    I hope you find your solution soon!

  2. Muster the will to wank. I admit that that wank machine was quite distracting. Very

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