On any other subject than this

There was another post. One that documented, in minimal detail, much like diary notes in a small pocketbook, the last 3 or so months. How we stumbled back towards a sex life. The post ran out of momentum a couple of weeks ago when the stumbling became more pronounced and faltering. I don’t know if I ever intended to publish it, not least having resolved to blog about things more fun than sex with my Wife.

This morning another note could have been made. One more down than some. One that could so easily read like so many others form the past. A note about sex that went bad and descended into repetitious conversation.

And as we walked away from a discussion neither of us wanted, something struck me:
If we were to be interrogated by a sex therapist, I dare say they might ask us to sum up our sex life in one word. They might expect certain replies:
Unsatisfying.
Boring.
Lackluster.
Non existent.
Frustrating.
Depressing.

(Let’s face it, a sex therapist doesn’t get visited if the answer might be mind blowing or awesome.)
Yet for me, the word that sums up our sex life is …
No.

She says She doesn’t know what to do. (If We are to be fixed, nor do I. I have ideas, but none that would enjoy enthusiastic reception.) On any other subject than this, She would consult academia, or trawl the internet for opinion She trusts. On work. On child care. On diet. On insulating a home. On nutrition. On contraception. On a new car. The voice of experts, or at least a sympathetically experienced public mass, would be valued and sought.

We have been through marriage counseling at Her behest.
A couple of tines She has vaguely suggested we go to family counseling.
And in the past She has suggested we speak to a sex therapist (and also stated independently of that, that She probably couldn’t talk to a stranger about sex).

And though we have said neither She nor I has any answers, is there any sign that She would follow form? Consult an expert?
No.

6 Responses to “On any other subject than this”

  1. I have to find something more positive so here it is: You know what to expect. It may not feel like it but I think that’s a good thing. (…or maybe that’s just my experience.) xo, J

    • I’m not sure I follow you I’m afraid. Know what to expect from what?

      • You know what to expect from your spouse. Knowing is a huge part of finding resolve, in my experience. It was the guessing, the hoping, the chance that something would be different that kept me in a state of possibility in changing into something resembling what I could live with in my situation. I only have my references here in this head, but knowing what will not change gave me some kind of resolve to better accept things or not. It sounds like you know her very well because you can predict exactly what she will and will not do in situations.

  2. While not surprised, it still makes me sad. But i am glad you wrote about it. Hugs 🙂

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