The dominant sub

As I mentioned, for no reason greater than research and for a bit of fun, I registered on a couple of online dating websites. Nothing as directly salacious as Ashley Madison – these were mainstream dating websites – the sort you’d use if you wanted to find a long term partner, and not just for a bit of kinky fuckery. And yet …

A few of months after I’d registered I got an unsolicited message from another user. Lets call her Kinky1971 (although there was nothing in her real user name that actually hinted at anything kinky).  Here are some edited highlights of the conversation.

Kinky1971: Define what you want in a partner. 😉
[I thought that was a pretty open question, especially as a starting point, and wasn’t quite sure how to respond.]
Me: Human. Preferably female. Adult. English speaking would help. Can you be a little more specific? 😉
Kinky1971: You mentioned kink…..
Me: Ah. Yes. I did, didn’t I. It’s surprising how often that seems to catch people’s attention. Whilst I’m not trying to be evasive, I’m not sure I have an obvious answer for you. I doubt “An English speaking, female adult who regards herself as kinky” will cover it, and I seriously doubt kink would be enough to base a long term relationship on.
Is there something specific you want to know? Or is it a more general question?
Kinky1971: No it won’t be the basis of a long term relationship but kink covers a very large spectrum and two kinky people may be at two very different places in that spectrum. 🙂
Me: I agree entirely. […] I assume you want to know what I regard as kinky? […] How about I tell you one of mine, then you tell me one of yours? Not competitive, but as soon as one of us mentions a kink too far for the other, we don’t have to go any further. […] Or we could start with something other than sex. Your call.
Kinky1971: Spanking. 🙂
[Hmmm. That’s an opening gambit that certainly sets the tone!]
Me: Ok. […] Spanking is good […] Handcuffs?
Kinky1971: I like to receive a good spanking. […] Handcuffs yes please […] Flogger? (For use on me) […] Blindfold yes […] Gag depends on the gag […] Nipple clamps, nipple suction cups? […] Sexting yes […] Collar and leash? […] Let’s assume if involves pain or humiliation its me unless otherwise stated […]
Me: During sex, your partner calls you a slut or a whore. You reaction?
Kinky1971: Say ‘Master I’m your slut/whore’ unless I’m gagged.
Me: Are you aroused by this conversation?
Kinky1971: Very. You?
Me: Let’s just say it would be uncomfortable standing up. […] Porn and/or erotic fiction. What turns you on?
Kinky1971: Porn has to be the right porn I enjoy upper floor. 🙂

I was not familiar with the expression, but it turned out Upper Floor is an online series of pretty full on BDSM pornos. If you’re into handcuffs, Dear Reader, and paddles, nipple clamps, cocks slapped across faces, rough anal, clit flogging, pain and humiliation, and the more intense the better, check it out. If you like a bit of light spanking and being blind folded and tied up with silk scarfs, this is probably not the porn for you.

We then established that she’d be up for some girl on girl, some MFM, multiple hands and multiple cocks. Sadly she wasn’t “keen on” latex. And whilst if her master ordered her to tie him up, spank him, wear a latex corset and fuck him with a strap on, she would “do as master says”, if he just said “pleasure me”, she “would rather he was more explicit and detailed [her] every move. To ensure [she carried] out his wishes perfectly”

Then, out of the blue …
Kinky1971: I recently experienced gentle pussy fisting for the first time and loved it.

We digressed and briefly discussed the evolution of taste in kink, along with past relationships.

And then, again without warning …
Kinky1971: What’s your filthiest fantasy
Me: Top or bottom?
Kinky1971: Top

I didn’t really know, but I came up with something about bondage, electrosex, and a webcam.

Kinky1971: That sounds interesting 🙂
Me: What’s yours?
Kinky1971: Being blindfolded, tied up and having lots of hands tongues canes etc probing Being lead into the room on a leash. I’m getting wet thinking about it.

I riffed on her fantasy, adding how her Doms would make her wear earplugs, they would attach a spreader bar to her ankles, they would flog her across her arse, tits, and pussy. Rather than being lead by a leash attached to a collar, it would be clipped onto her pierced nipples. I asked if I should go on.

Kinky1971: Yes please (but my nipples aren’t and won’t be pierced). 🙂 […] A cock forcefully enters my mouth. I start to suck.

With my next few paragraphs I tested the boundaries of her fantasy. Without mentioning them explicitly, I dropped heavy hints about deep throating, fisting and water sports, each time giving her the opportunity to direct the fantasy elsewhere … which she did.

At a couple of points during this long conversation (it took place over two days), I had revisited the Upper Floor website. The footage was gloriously explicit, but the more I watched, the more I felt just a little uncomfortable. There was something about the scenarios depicted that grated on me. The subs were exclusively female. Men were frequently dressed with just their cocks out, whilst women were invariably naked. The language of the Doms was predominantly derogatory. The slaves were never praised, only used and abused. I love porn – good, hard, no holds (or holes) barred, graphic, hot, sweaty, slippery, kinky porn. I can happily do a bit of spanking, hand cuffing and ordering. But the more I watched, the more I felt this was a bit too extreme for me. Add the fact that this, Kinky1971 obviously had very clear ideas how her Master should abuse her, and seemed to have little interest in what she could do for him …

Back in her fantasy …

Me: Someone removed the handcuffs and pulled the blindfold off. Your eyes struggle to adjust to the light and you see your tormentors, fingers wrapped around their own cocks or glistening with the juices from their own twats.
Someone hands you a dressing gown.
That’s me.
It’s been fun, but I confess a little too one sided for me.
Yes, I’m sure I could enjoy tying you up, spanking your arse till its raw, and forcing my dick down your throat. But if I’m honest, I don’t think I’m going to get enough from that.
It’s been fun. It really has. I’ve had at least a semi for most of the last 36hrs, and a full on reinforced concrete throbber on more several occasions. And the credit for that is yours. But I think I need a more even balance between receiving and taking.
I wish you luck finding a master more demanding than me. May your wrists be always tied, your arse cheeks always stinging, and your cunt always aching. xxx
Kinky1971: Okay

Okay? Is that all? The brevity, even curtness of the response left me somewhat taken aback. She’d made first contact, and obviously with an interest in the degree of my kinkiness. She had then had no compunction about the conversation getting extremely sexual and playful. And she’d been very clear about wanting to be submissive and sexually humiliated.

Maybe I don’t understand D/s as much as I though I do. Whilst I’m happy to play it as a bedroom game, and I suspect I could enjoy taking some subs to their limit and beyond, I confess I don’t get it as a lifestyle. This, however puzzled me in an entirely new way. It seemed to me that Kinky1971 is a very demanding sub; that she knew exactly what she wanted, and little else. Her interest was overwhelmingly in her side of the dynamic. She wanted to be satisfied. She wanted to be taken. She wanted to be abused. She wanted to be hurt. She wanted to be humiliated. She wanted to be used. All she wanted was to receive.

I wondered. Is this a necessary, or even common side of D/s? You hear about powerful businessmen who will visit a Dominatirx in order to receive much of what Kinky1971 is after. But are they really there to surrender control, or to buy something more selfish?

8 Responses to “The dominant sub”

  1. All different dynamics out there for BDSM. She’s very specific, might be “fetish” driven (something very specific gets her off), rather than being creative and exploring (you). She just needs to find the right partner who wants that, too.

  2. That’s an interesting perspective about her being selfish. I like how dievca put it, and how she called you “creative and exploring”.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: