I know I said I wouldn’t but … Pt. 6

Day 5240
I can’t remember how it started. A candle on the dinner table? (My doing.) A cuddle in bed? Or something like that. My fingers were already cupped round my balls and my palm lay across my cock before She reached for it in bed. For some reason I wasn’t going to let Her near my junk. Not yet anyway. Not for a long time. Maybe not tonight. This met with questions and confusion.
Her: Do you want to fuck me?
Me: Yes. Do you want me to fuck you?
Her: Yes.
Me: Do you want to fuck me?
Her: Yes.
(Her responses were neither quite so precise, nor as explicitly confirmatory, but they were in the positive.)
I was resolute: I wasn’t going to let Her wank me but couldn’t answer Why?
I ended up with a condom on. But within a just couple of minutes I took it off again. I didn’t want to fuck. Not yet at least.
Things were said. I forget what. I think I wanted foreplay. Proper foreplay. And somehow, when denied access to my dick, She allowed me to wank Her. He snatch was gloriously wet under my fingers. It was fantastic. And it lasted what felt like ages. I was mindful not go near Her clit, and at some point, I think when I tried to actually slip a finger into Her cunt, it got too much and She just wanted me inside Her.
There was more discussion.
She commented that as I was wanking Her, I had pinned Her hand and one of Her legs. That it wasn’t forceful, but it was me doing what I wanted to do; me wanting to be in control. (This, from a self confessed control freak!) I didn’t address the issue of the leg (I had indeed very deliberately hooked one of my own around it so She couldn’t close Her thighs. She seemed to acquiesce at the very least, and had not made any move to free Herself) but the hand had been about holding hands – sharing, being together.
I said that She takes my pleasure. Did that mean I thought She denies me pleasure – that She takes it away from me?
No. It’s the difference between taking and giving. (Perhaps I have Kinky1971 to thank for that perspective.) I want to give Her pleasure: I’m happy for Her to give me pleasure: but I’m not allowed to give, and Her giving is really taking. She has said before that She doesn’t actively enjoyed wanking me: I actively like wanking Her, and that masturbating Her now had been the best sex we’ve had in years.
The one word that I have come to associate with sex is No. Not now. Not there. Not like that. No. Two letters that crush me.
She said something about things I want that don’t work for Her. She made some mention of lingerie. Some mention of … I can’t remember how She phrased it … reading between the lines, She thinks the world is dominated by male oriented sexuality and sexual images and sexual … and all the political shit that goes with that. Sex, it comes as no surprise, for Her is fettered by Her view of a world fettered by sex … and by men.
Does She think I objectify her? Apparently not.
And despite Her avoiding saying directly that my liking Her to wear lingerie for me is not something She is comfortable with, all of this weekend, She has worn the red bra and panties I bought Her for Xmas 4 years ago and which have hardly seen the light of day this year.
I said how I now associate the idea of sex with subjugation, oppression and patriarchy. Words She has brought with Her.

We went quiet.
Me: Just a suggestion, and I’m not sure it’s right, but how about make up sex?
Her: I could be persuaded.

Now I let Her touch my cock and we fucked.
She didn’t cum. That was ok.
She tugged me off.
I didn’t cum. That was ok.
What was also OK, was that She was OK with me kneeling over Her, with my dick inches from Her face as Her hand pumped away at it. When I leant back, She was OK with me moving Her leg so I could enjoy a view of Her cunt at the same time. When She made some playful joke at my expense, it was OK that I playfully slapped her arse. When I asked Her to suck me off, She was OK with that too.
Neither of us came, but it was actually pretty good sex. (By our standards.)
And when we finally gave up, we cuddled up.
And when we finally wanted to go to sleep, neither of us really wanted to let go. But we both knew that after 2 hours or more of sex, or talking about sex, we both needed to to get to sleep, and letting go, and turning our backs on each other was OK.

 

2 Responses to “I know I said I wouldn’t but … Pt. 6”

  1. corsetandstockings Says:

    Sounds promising?

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