Do bears fuck in the woods?

Remember that song from when you were a kid? You know the one:

If you go down to the woods today
You’re sure of a big surprise
For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today’s the day the Teddy Bears disapear off into the woods,
all dressed up in kinky stuff, and indulge in hedonsitic, depraved acts with eachother, or anything else they can lay their dirty little paws upon.

That’s how it went.
Wasn’t it?
Maybe not … or maybe it was …

Having ranted about what I want from a sexual relationship the other day, it is not without a little irony that I found myself going through an old suitcase in the attic and unearthed a small collection I didn’t think I had. I thought they were in the possession of my ex, with/by whom they were bought.

Many moons ago, The Bad Taste Bears were created by a bored graphic designer and, “by adorning an icon of innocence with the less savoury aspects of humanity, this teddy bear became a totem of cheeky rebellion.”

Art prints, T-shirts, key rings, and all manner of collectives were adorned with cute teddy bears picking their noses, weilding chainsaws, rolling spliffs, disembowelling themselves, drowning kittens and, of course engaging in all manner of sexual depravity. There are bears jerking off, bears fucking each other, bears fucking sheep, bears fucking vacuum cleaners, lingerie bears, bondage bears … and then there are the bears which I find in my possession. Each acquired, you will not find hard to devine, Loyal Reader , with one of my own deviant proclivities in mind.


These darling little figures stand about 4″high and make the perfect ornaments for a bedroom bookshelf. As indeed they used to. If only I could get away with getting them out of storage now. Perhaps they might act as inspiration.

One Response to “Do bears fuck in the woods?”

  1. VictoryInTrouble Says:

    Took me so long to figure out that middle bear. 🙂

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