The acceptible face of porn

Porn is harmless.
There. I’ve said it.
Not only that, there’s nothing wrong with full-on no-holes-barred hardcore porn.
Absolutely nothing.

You may not be remotely surprised to read this coming from me, Dear Reader, considering this is a sex blog, and one that has joyfully featured explicit images on numerous occasions. But I really mean it. Those that have read more than a post or two of mine will have a sense of how far I am from supporting a male-centric world and how I will happily join in collective condemnation of misogyny at the drop of a hat. So rest assured that this is not just a cock led rant.

There are several factors that have set me thinking about this recently.

1. Proliferation
An acquaintance recently exploded in rage on social media. Something had found its way into her feed that she described as pornographic image(s) of a woman being raped. I haven’t seen the offending item(s) so I have no opinion on her description, though considering the arena, it does seem grossly at odds with the website’s oft draconian policy on sexual imagery. Indeed, that was part of her rant. But she then rallied against porn. When will society start respecting women and stop tolerating porn?  Or words to that effect.

2. Teenagers
Last week a UK health watchdog issued new guidelines relating to sexual activity amongst children. Sexting was cited as a particular example. The aim was to differentiate between normal sexual activity, and that which should be flagged as potentially harmful. From what I understood, this all sounded very pragmatic and reasonable.
Amidst the discussion in the media, I read mention of adolescent boys use of hard core porn and the negative impact it has on their attitude to sex, relationships and girls. Obviously when I was an adolescent, and  my love of porn was little more than an embryonic curiosity, hard core meant something different: sliding scales have slid to the extent that what was only sold from under the counter 30yrs ago is now openly available in high street stores. And with the advent of smartphones, any adolescent can access graphic close-up video of the kind of things for which their parents wish they still had the energy.

3. Geek sexy
Again, courtesy of the oracle that is social media, I saw a video from Mayim Bialik discussing being different. (If the name doesn’t ring a bell, she’s a neuroscientist. She also plays the neuroscientist, Dr Amy Farrah Fowler, in the TV series Big Bang Theory.) In it she mentioned how geek is now cool and how sexy geek photo shoots feature women undressing whilst keeping their glasses on, proclaiming I’m geeky but I’m still desirable.

4. Fetish erotica
Over the last year, my interest in rubber fetishism has grown to the extent that nearly every time I jerk off I’m imagining having sex with someone dressed in lovely, shiny, skin tight latex. Hmmmmmm!!!!! [Ed: yes folks, that’s what happens when an itch doesn’t get scratched!] Additionally, my visual stimuli has come almost exclusively from my Tumblr feed. (Check it out and the connection will be a little more apparent.)
Much of what I wank over at the moment is, to my mind, erotica. It is images of women dressed in latex. (Sadly latex fetish porn featuring straight couples is a little thin on the ground.)  Frequently they are fully dressed. With neither boob, bum, nor beaver to be seen. That’s not to say there’s no porn involved – thankful there is. Lovely, shiny, skin tight, latex porn. I mean erotica!
However, for a lot of fetishists, rubber goes hand in glove with BDSM: handcuffs, leg spreaders, medical chairs with stirrups,  vacuum beds, ball gags, hoods, kinbaku, oversized strap-ons and riding crops. There a lot of this featured in latex porn, but f or the most part, that’s not my thing. When it comes to porn, I’m not comfortable with subjugation, so when I’m inevitably presented with such imagery, for the most part I just pass on by.

Together these things got me thinking about societies relationship with porn. How we are first exposed to it (or visa versa). Its historical gender bias. Its meaning. Its value.

My conclusion is that there’s nothing wrong with porn, and that includes what some might term hardcore.
[Ed: Now bear with him, Patient Reader,  before you descend into apoplexy at his next controversial assertion.]
Hell, there’s nothing inherently wrong with porn that shows someone blindfolded, gagged, tied over a table, the crotch of their rubber catsuit unzipped, getting their arse flogged by a masked Dom who’s lubing up an inflatable butt plug. Its not a sight that’s going to give me a boner the size of the Eifel Tower, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with it.

I can hear the cries of righteous anger: How on earth can you say there’s nothing wrong with that, you Neanderthal, woman hating, knuckle dragging, dick-on-legs?!

It’s simple.

Some people like getting tied up and fucked.
Some people like being blindfolded, gagged and buggered.
For reasons beyond my understanding, some people get a sexual kick out of be slapped, choked and then kicked in the balls.
(And while we’re talking about balls, put your hand up if you pictured the fettered sub as female rather than male. Because I didn’t specify!)

Is there anything wrong I wanting to be that sub?

I would suggest no. There are many, widely accepted reasons why people get sexual pleasure from subordination, and if there is indeed a reason that excuses or justifies it, what is wrong with a graphical representation of it? I would suggest nothing.

What message does that porn send? Hmmm. That’s tougher, and a question underpinned by chickens and eggs. Yet the idealist in me just keeps me coming back to the same argument – the actual message is that some people get off on that kind of thing. The porn itself doesn’t say anyone can be treated like that, let alone should be. It’s like blaming bottle of vodka for alcoholism, a doughnut for obesity and tooth decay, or a dog for organised dog fights. Porn doesn’t lead to the abuse of women. It is our attitude towards porn, our attitude towards sex, our attitude to women, that leads to the abuse. Porn acknowledges that some people … SOME people … have slim figures, pneumatic tits, 10″ cocks, and like to be tied up, spanked, and spit-roasted. Some people fit size 18 dresses, have 4″ cocks, and like the lights off when they make love. Neither is right nor wrong.

If there is a problem with porn, it is with our attitude towards it, towards sex and moreover to diversity in general. There are things we need to accepted: that it is ok to like se – that it’s ok to not like sex- normal sex isn’t normal, it’s just what some people think should be normal – some people are visually stimulated and have fantasies – preferring rubber to lace is no different from preferring Merlot to Pinot Noir – not everyone has a pornstar’s physique – perverts are just people, and not all people are perverts.

We don’t need to rid the world of porn, because it is just a mirror that reflects human sexuality. What we need is a better attitude towards human sexuality, and to those who don’t feel the same about it as we do.

5 Responses to “The acceptible face of porn”

  1. I totally agree with porn is ok. The main thing though is to respect each other while making love. Porn is an escape from normality in a sense. I would not expect my girl to do the things I can see in a porno movie, I think that due to the accessibility of porno people might expect yr partner to do some remarkable feat of gymnastic that just is not normal. 😆 but porn is definitely ok. But don’t expect your partner to do the same feat as one of the girls in the movie.

  2. I agree with you that we need, desperately need, a better attitude towards sex ans sexuality.
    Let’s teach our children respect, towards themself and others and most of the problem would go away.

    I would like to point to a flaw in your ligic though. We protect kids from smoking or drinking alcohol before a certain age. (Poorly, granted, but there is protection). The sale of hardcore porn used to be reserved to those a crtain age. Now kids have access to videos, which make much more lasting impressions than stills, and it is very hard to protect them from it when sites purposefully use very generic search terms. My kid was doing research for a school project and was very shaken after getting to such a site. Luckily communication’s always been pretty good with me so I was eventually able to help (by listening, finding more appropriate reactions to have next time…).

    That and we now have men wondering about the size of their dick because all they see are huge things when they watch porn…

    But I do agree with your main arguments. And I don’t have solutions either!

    • I wan’t suggesting we shouldn allow kids access to porn – porn is like power and comes with responsibilities which it takes a degree of maturity to understand. And I agree about the insideous way pornsters tag their webpages for search engines – it’s all about generating money.

      • I know you weren’t. I’m just saying it’s difficult to find a solution where people can express themselves (and even where youngish people can see things that they can relate with, identify with, and helps them feel like they’re not freaks for wanting this) all the while protecting children.
        We need regulation that isn’t judgmental. Good luck finding it, it’s not exactly where the world is heading at the minute! 😦

        • Amen!
          A regulated porn industry is an interesting idea. Though considering porn always been hidden, in the shadows, something that’s only ever talked about publicly when someone condemns it, I think it’s too big a size mic shift to ever turn that around. Maybe in 100yrs …

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