Of closets and drawers and subtlety

In the  … oh, how many years has it been Dear Reader? … 4 years? … 5 years? … since I became a sex blogger, how often have you told me I need to be open with my Wife about how much I need sex in my life? How often have you (rightly) lectured me on why I’m being unfair to both Her and myself? How often have you told me I should tell Her about my love of kink? How often, that I should come out of my own personal, self-destructive closet?
Far too often!

I’m not one for confrontation – the though of telling my Wife I’m a kinky pervert and celibacy erodes both me and our relationship a bit more every day is probably the one thing that actually terrifies me.
So I haven’t.
Fuck knows, on one level, I’d dearly love to have that conversation, but the prospect of how it might end is the thing that stops me even starting the conversation.
Well …

Every once in a while, while She’s out at work, I’ll draw the bedroom curtains, prop a pillow up against the bedstead, strip off, sit back with some porn, spread my legs wide and have a good, hard wank. Regularly the bin beside the bed is mostly full of my used tissues.
It’s not subtle, but it chases away the demons for the rest of the day.
The other thing that isn’t subtle is that, a couple of times I’ve accidentally left the pillow propped up and the box of tissues on the bed. Accidentally.
Never has it been commented on.

In the last month or so my insomnia has returned. Most days I get up around 5am, despite not needing to be up till 7am. When we are all finally sat around the breakfast table, it is not uncommon for my Wife to mention that She knows I was awake even earlier. My inevitable conclusion is that, for a while at least, She too was awake and noticed my twitching cock nudging the bed sheets in what I have always sincerely hoped was a very obvious way. Either that or She has noticed that, almost daily, I’ll spend a while stroking my erection before getting out of bed.
It’s not particularly subtle either, but again it has never been commented on.

This evening I’ll heading off for the weekend to deal with family business. (My family, not Hers.)
Before I go there is laundry to be put away. but although I know She will have a busy weekend, I’m going to leave that duty to my Wife.
Please don’t think, Dear Reader, that this is some act of spite. Far from it. It is a ploy, though not a subtle one.
Because there is underwear to be put away. Both Hers and mine. Which means She will inevitably go to my underwear drawer.
My underwear drawer is always neat. Partly this is because it makes it easier to hide my collection of thongs, G-strings and cock slings at the back, behind a couple of pairs of bulky hiking socks. But when She goes to put my underwear away this weekend, She will find that one of those socks has been pushed forward exposing my secret collection.

And most easily She will find my purple rubber thong.
It’s not subtle.


8 Responses to “Of closets and drawers and subtlety”

  1. little one Says:

    i KNOW that fear of confrontation and its outcome in my soul. It wasn’t about sex, rather the need to divorce. i don’t know if you are a spiritual sort, but i prayed for God to give me the words to begin the conversation. For me, there was a deadline– our house was under contract to be sold and the closing would provide funds to escape. Well, my prayer was answered, the terrifying conversation was had and the earth didn’t open up and swallow me whole. PLEASE try to have the talk with your wife; life is too short to live unhappily and know that i am cheering you on.

    i would love to be a fly on the wall when she deposits your skivvies in the drawer! 💜

    • I’d like to be the fly too. And a psychic fly too, to know what goes through her head.
      Thanks for the cheers.
      I’m really not spiritual at all, so know that, if the conversation is to be had, it has to be engineered. On sone levels I’m hoping this will be a catalyst. On other levels I’m hoping it’s not.

    • little one Says:

      Wishing you the best as it happens. Have you considered installing a nanny cam in the room?

    • Probably a bit late now. 😉
      And it would have been more fun to watch when we were still fucking. LOL

  2. On the 5hr drive down the motorway, I had time to reflect.
    Damn. I wish I hadn’t been so obvious. Maybe just a modest thong should have been most prominent.
    Maybe I shouldn’t have done it at all.
    Maybe I don’t want to have the conversation.
    Oh well. Too late. Absolutely nothing I can do about it now.
    What’s the worst that could happen? Actually let’s not go there.
    What’s the best that could happen? If truth be told, the best aint gonna happen.
    What’s likely to happen? If I’m honest, I doubt She’ll say anything.
    But there’s nothing I can do about it. 2 days will have to pass.

  3. Being zpiritual doesn’t mean religious.
    But if you wish for the right time to come to have the conversation, it will. It did for me.
    But of course I know why you’re scared. I should have replied to that email last summer 😉
    Maybe I will.
    I do hope that a conversation happens, but, from reading your blog, I doubt it will without you actually jumping on an opening, even an involuntary one from her.

    • I think you’re right – I could leave a Fleshlight dripping with cum on the bed, next to a laptop with fetish porn on the screen, and I doubt it would get mentioned. Ha ha!
      I look forward to the email.
      (I wouldn’t describe myself as either spiritual nor religious.)

    • 🙂
      I’ll try to get to the email. Maybe tomorrow… remind me if I forget 🙂

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