I’m horny all the time.
I’ve not had a fuck in 10 months.
There’s little sign of either changing.
C’est la vie!
So I’ve been reflecting on sex – what I like, why I like it, how important it is to me. And it got me thinking about where it all started. When did I become interested in sex? What were the triggers? What effect did it have? What were the formative steps on my road to being the enthusiast I am today?

What follows really just started out as a bit of an intellectual exercise, and having written it down, read it, re-read it, and mused on it for a few days, I’m not even sure what it reveals, if anything, other than I’ve bought a lot of porn, and spent a lot of time jerking off. But you knwew that, Dear Reader, didn’t you.
Anyway, here it is, loosely grouped by age.

See soft porn for the first time. Page 3 of The Sun. A model in nothing but calf length boots. Tits, but no pussy.

9 or 10
Start masturbating. To be fair, it may have been earlier, but this is my first memory of it.

Fantasise about BDSM without any exposure to it, or even knowing that it was a thing.

Regularly visiting newsagents to look at top shelf magazines. Get tutted at by elderly woman.

It’s the first time I have a hotel room to myself. I have a wank as soon as I’m alone. I ejaculate for the first time, much to my surprise and confusion.

Boarding school. Jerking off in the toilet with the Boarding House’s secretly stashed porn magazines.
Also shooting my load most mornings before the dormitory lights get turned on. (How I never got caught I’ll never know!)

(No longer at boarding school.) Wanking twice a day – when I wake and before I go to sleep.
Buy my first porno mag and jerk off over it sat by a river. (I could still take you to the very spot.) I hide the magazine under a tree, and am disappointed it’s got damp and is useless when I return a couple of days later.

I’ve worked out where I can hide porn in my bedroom.
I have collected a whole year’s worth of jazz mags. As well as my morning an evening orgasms, if I’m ever alone in the house I’ll spread out several mags, opened at my favourite pages, and wank over them.

The first time I buy condoms. I put one on and jerk off in the bathroom. Wearing it doesn’t feel good and it smells funny.

The first time I ever kiss a girl properly is the same night I lose my virginity to her.
I rent an adult VHS from the local video store. It isn’t remotely explicit and I’m bitterly disappointed by it.

Away from home as a student. I’m sharing a room, so porn is a rarity and wanking is only in the shower. That said, I get laid within weeks of term starting and am having regular sex with a different girl a couple of months later.

Living on my own, I have easy access to porn again and am back to jerking off at least twice each day.
I’ve been single for many months.
I see fetishwear in porn for the first time.

At this point, this exercise in cataloging my sexual chronology becomes a list of firsts.

Have a long term girlfriend, regular sex, and thoughts that maybe relationships don’t have to end.
Get a blowjob.
I discover my favorite flavour in the world – pussy.
I realise I want to be anally penetrated.
I start to remove my pubes. Initially it’s with an epilator.

I go out of my way to buy rubber fetish porn.
Buy a vibrator, albeit one intended for novelty use only and as far as I’m aware, it never exceeds its remit.
Buy underwear for a girlfriend.
Amongst other places, fuck out-doors and in a car.

Buy a sex toy for myself. It’s a cock-and-ball strap.
Out of curiosity I buy women’s porn. It’s fascinating.
Film my girlfriend and I fucking.
Go to a strip club. Or rather get taken to a strip club by my girlfriend.
The closest I get to a threesome – watching my girlfriend fuck another woman.
Buy latex underwear. Then buy more.
Graduate from leather straps round my balls to ball stretching weights.

I’m unfaithful to my girlfriend. It turns into a long term affair with a married woman. Then I split up with my girlfriend and end up with 3 concurrent FWBs. They all know about each other.
I meet my Wife To Be. After 18 months I move in with Her. After another 4yrs we get married.
Become a parent.

40 and on …
Go 7 months without getting laid.
Go to marriage counselling.
Go another 9 months without getting laid.
Yet another 7 months without getting laid.
Loose hope of fucking my Wife ever again.
Go 10 months without getting laid.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: