It’s nothing

[What follows wasn’t nearly as angry as it sounds.Read it with a smile, and try not to judge.]
7am. I’ve been at my desk for an hour, and awake far longer. The alarm clock wakes Her and She sticks Her head round the door on Her way to the shower.
Her: Morning.
Me: Morning.
Her: How are you doing?
Me: Crap. I don’t think I slept for more than half an hour at a stretch.
My inner monologue: I could be less honest. Less winging. But I know sex would make a difference to my ability to sleep, as well as making all the hum drum, irritating little things that life inevitably throws at us all infinitely easier to deal with. It always used to. But there’s little point in telling You straight – You need to work things out Yourself.
Her: Hope I didn’t keep you awake?
My inner monologue: I wish! Just once in a while. Wake me up if You can’t sleep. You could fuck me. Or I could fuck You. Hell! We could both fuck each other, and then we could both get back to blissful sleep. But no. Not even in my dreams. Or rather only in mt dreams. My hardcore sex dreams. The ones that just might be exorcised by some hardcore sex. So in a twisted way, yeah, you kinda did.
Me: No. It’s wasn’t you.
Her: Any idea what it is?
Me: It doesn’t matter.
My inner monologue: Of course it matters.
Her: Yes, it does.
My inner monologue: You’re right. I’m lying. And you know that. Now figure it out.
Me: No, it really doesn’t.
Her: Is it physical? Stress?
My inner monologue: Yeah. It’s the stress of not being physical, which in turn has replaced the stress of us being physical.
I have an ongoing musculoskeletal injury which could do with surgery at some point. She knows it causes me pain sometimes, but I don’t whinge about it, because there’s no point. It’s this She is referring to when She says “physical”.]
Me: All of the above.
There was a brief pause. Before She had a chance to formulate a follow-up question I continued …
Me: “Life: loathe it or ignore it …”
For those not familiar with the quote, it’s from Marvin The Paranoid Android in Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy. It continues “… you can’t like it.”
Me: I’ll be down to breakfast in a few minutes.
My inner monologue: The conversation is over. There’s no point in me trying to explain. We’ve been there, and failed at that.  The only way this is going to get solved is with some heavy-duty medication on my part, or You figuring it out for Yourself.

5min later
Her: Have you had breakfast?
Me: No. I’ve not been downstairs.
Her: So the cat’s not been fed?
I turn to the cat.
Me: Wouldn’t it be great if just once you could analyse the problem, find a solution, and take responsibility for things yourself. Cos it doesn’t matter how many times we go through this, nothing seems to change.
I fed the cat who, without touching her breakfast, walked away.
Me: Well that’s typical, isn’t it? You just ignore all I try to do for you and walk away in ingratitude.

Oh how we all laughed.

5 Responses to “It’s nothing”

  1. May I just fly across the pond and bed ya real good and make it better for just one day?

  2. I’ll let you know when I head that way.

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