Maybe it’s me?

Maybe it’s me?
Maybe I’m the problem?
Maybe our failure to have a normal sex life is my fault?
Maybe I’m just insatiable?
For about two decades it was a safe boast to say I’d had more orgasms than most people had had hot meals.
Maybe I’m just a sex addict?

Insatiable (adj) ɪnˈseɪʃəb(ə)l/
(of an appetite or desire) impossible to satisfy.

Sometimes there’s a thin line between enough and too much. Sometimes there’s a huge gap. Sure, I can’t imagine having a normal adult life, and having too much sex. Twice a day, maybe three times a day at weekends, would be fine. If it’s a quiet Sunday, why not spend all day having sex? Fucking four or five or six times? As long as the laundry gets done, the fridge is stocked, the bills paid, a social life maintained. No. I think it would be difficult to have too much sex. But in the current circumstances, I’d be happy with twice a week. Thrice would be better, but twice would be ok. Enough.

addiction (n) əˈdɪkʃ(ə)n/
compulsive consumption or activity, the continuation of which interferes with ordinary responsibilities and concerns, such as work, relationships, or health.

That sounds a plausible analysis, except … does it interfere?
A heroin addict might struggle to function without a fix, and the habit will quite likely destroy them.

Do I struggle to function without a fix? Sometimes, yes. It certainly both impacts on my ability to concentrate at work and I get on better with my family, especially with my Wife, if I have regular sex. A daily wank helps, with work, but not with relationships. For that to be improved I need to have sex with my Wife, and that is arguably not an addiction to sex itself, but to sexual intimacy. Maybe? And unlike pharmaceutical or botanical narcotics, having lots of sex has never had a negative impact on my life.
A drug addict is frequently dependant on a dealer, who in turn controls the supply, wheedling power over the addict. Yep. That sounds about right too.

Insatiability and addiction aside, another significant factor may be my approach to problem solving.
We’ve been floundering in a near celibate waters for years.
Maybe I’ve not done enough to fix things.?
Maybe I’ve not been responsive enough towards Her advances and attempts to get back to regular sex?
Maybe I’ve been defeatest when my advances have been rejected?
Maybe I’ve not been tolerant of Her difficulties?

The essence of introspection is to look at oneself. So whilst it would be easy to look at and be critical of my Wife, Her behaviour patterns, and Her contribution to our dysfunction, the resulting conclusions may be undermined by their focus.

Maybe I’m the problem?

6 Responses to “Maybe it’s me?”

  1. I don’t believe you are the problem. For that matter, I don’t believe she is either!
    In my opinion, the problem comes from needs that are too different and an inability to communicate about them, or an inability to be who you are with the person who is supposed to get you and live you unconditionally.
    XO

  2. It’s neither one or the other. I use to think it was all me in my marriage, then it as all her fault, now I feel better knowing that it’s basically both of us. I’m still very sexually charged and am almost constantly horny, whereas my wife is not anymore, but I accept it and try not to put too much thought into it. I still go nuts for Star Wars, but my wife isn’t interested. I still get horny and live all things sex related, and my wife isn’t interested. Not everyone is always interested in the same things or AS interested in something as much as their partner is and I put sex into the same category. At least it helps with me.

    • Obviously you’re right – we’re all different and every relationship inherantly involves numerous differences. BThat said, if you can not let that get under your skin, you’re a better man than me.

  3. Well, I tell myself not to worry about it. I bet if I spoke to someone about it though I’d find it affects me some how…

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