Security questions

Computer: Enter your account name and password.
Me: I don’t fucking know my account name or password.
Computer: Please comfirm your account details.
Me: Oh just fuck off and give me the information I need.
Computer: We need to verify your identity.
Me: I’m Me. OK? For fuck sakes!!!!!! I know I’m me. I know you’re you … or It … or whatever the correct personal pronoun is for a fucking algorythm.
Computer: Please answer the following security questions so we can confirm your identity in future: What was you first pet’s name?
Me: Fluffy.
Computer: What was your first job?
Me: Delivering news papers.
Computer: What is your favroite acivity?
Me: Masturbation.

You know what, Dear Reader, as much as I wanted to give the fucking computer the right answer, I thought better of it.

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