At a formal family gathering I’m introduced to a friend of one of the family and we fall into easy conversation.
They go way back.
He has an interesting career, though he hints at a desire to change it.
He and I obviously have similar views on politics.
He’s gay.
He has the personal mobile phone number of one of the mist influential political figures on the planet.
He’s staying with friends and lives out of town.

Hold on there just a goddamn minute.
No, I don’t care about the phone number of a world leader, although it would be difficult to drop a bigger name into the conversation, and certainly not in such an apparently casual manner.
No. The thing that really got unnecessarily dropped into the conversation was that he’s gay.

So what?!

I don’t care. And presumably, as he is evidently an educated and diplomatic man, if he thought I would care he wouldn’t have mentioned it. Although it loosely fitted into the narrative of the subsequent conversation, it wasn’t greatly significantly and it’s omission would not have made much difference. It was little more than backstory for backstory for an aside.

I have to say I’m not comfortable with identity politics and am very much with Groucho Marks when it comes to subscribing to any particular label. I understand that for some people, especially those in demographics commonly confronted with discrimination, publicly identifying oneself is positive, but I have never felt the need to drop into conversation that I’m straight.

Or have I?

Well, not exactly. But maybe I would like to be able to say I’m a fetishist.

Whilst this casual acquaintance can casually drop into conversation a nugget of information that hints at the fact that he likes to suck cocks and fuck men in the arse, it does feel a little unfair that I can’t casually drop into conversation a titbit that hints at the fact that I love wearing rubber, having my cock caged, don’t object to getting pissed on, and fantasize about getting spit roasted with strap-ons. Not that I want to give explicit details to a friend of one of the family at a formal family gathering, but I’d love to not have to bite my tongue when it could so easily provide backstory for backstory for an aside.

4 Responses to “Identifying”

  1. I’m become more comfortable with being my “whole self” with people. I may not describe all of my fetishes but being sexually open and exploring and writing about is something I’m much more comfortable telling friends now! I hope you get there too 🙂

  2. Sometimes being open about sexuality in conversations with people who aren’t here on the blog – gets me caught in a silent whirlpool of thoughts in their heads ( I imagine that to be happening) because my openness isn’t met with their own openness. I think I have to only do that with someone who is open-minded themselves but I can relate to you wanting to talk about wearing your rubber or your many types of underwear styles oe the spit roasting from 2 women wearing strap-ons. That imagery is interesting to ponder but… not at a family gathering of my own. I can already hear the silence and the bickering. : )

    • Yeah, the family might find it a little challenging. I couldn’t begin to count the times I’ve had to vote my tongue, if only in small ways, like knowing about the properties of latex.

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