Pointless extravegance

After I’d ordered an unjustifiable, extravagantly expensive and, lest we forget, unnecessarily transparent pair of pantsuk, I sat down and had some lunch. As my mind wandered down the dark and sticky back alleys of my consciousness, I found myself wondering how much one of my most fantasised about sex toys was retailing for these days.

I Googled it whilst I ate my salad.

Disappointingly, it appeared that the major retailers only had it in black. Much as my taste in latex fetishwear, I’m really not a fan of black for sex toys – there’s something almost sinister about it, something that suggests a power dynamic that doesn’t sit easily with me – sex should be fun, and colourful. More importantly, the fact that no one seemed to have any in any other colours made me think that the toy in question may no longer be in production … which would be disappointing. This seemed even more likely when several online sex shops seemed to be offering them at a reduced price.

Unfortunately, as I’m sure you can imagine, Loyal Reader, it’s unlikely I’ll ever have the pleasure of being on the receiving end of a

strap-on … or two. But take a look at the Fun Factory Share XL, and tell me honestly you don’t want to be fucked with that! Or to fuck your partner with one. I honestly can’t tell you I don’t want my Wife to fuck me with one.

As an object, it is art … sculpture.
As a sex toy, it is a thing of beauty.
As a strap-on, it just looks in a league of its own.
And I honestly cannot envisage a scenario where my Wife and I would ever play with one.
[Sigh …]
Not that that has ever  stopped me from wanting one!
I mean … look at it!

So when I found a website selling them for £29.75 – nearly ⅔ off the RRP … and not in black but in a pinkish purple, well …

Less than an hour previously, I had failed to stop myself buying an unjustifiable, extravagantly expensive, unnecessarily transparent pair of pantsuk. The chances of me failing to unnecessarily buy one of my most fantasised about, least likely to get used, eye wateringly expensive sex toys for such a bargain price … well, that wasn’t looking likely either.

Even if I don’t have a realistic chance of getting pegged with this toy, there is still something about owning one.
Something about having the opportunity to hold it in my hands.

Wrap my fingers around it and  feel the curves, and ridges.
Perhaps to run my tongue along its length and suck it into my mouth.
Perhaps to lube it up and ease its rippled length into my arse.
To merely imagining what it might feel like to get vigorously buggered with it by my Wife.
And then to put it back in My Little Wooden Chest Of Naughty Secrets, there to gather dust.

[Another sigh …]


In case you’re not familiar with the Share XL from Fun Factory. In terms of size, it sits proudly at the top of their range of strapless strapons.

At the time of writing, it seems the smallest peg is no longer available. And with hindsight, I’m wondering if I may be a little ambitious to even cntemplate having my arse penetrated with the XL. But as that will likely never actually happen, my ring may never be in danger. It just looks so damned irresistibly fine. And the ridges put me in mind of a remote control vibrating butt plug I used to have.

The best part about that was the intense pleasure from feeling the bobbles pop through my sphincter, I suspect very much like using Thai Beads.

Anyway, here is some of what the Fun Factory website has to say about this monster …

The larger proportions and elevated ridges [make it] an erotic toy for experienced users and is suitable for same sex as well as hetero adventures. STUBS, like all dildos from FUN FACTORY, are flexible without compromising on the necessary firmness.
Perfectly adapts to the body …
Strong, powerful semi-natural shape …
The active side in this love game vaginally inserts the shorter part and pleasures her partner with the longer end. Optimal hold, a slightly curved tip and a flexible consistence guarantee on-target stimulation. The end inspired by the shape of glans delivers pure desire. While the passive partner enjoys penetration the partner in control experiences clitoral stimulation and a gentle G-spot massage.

6 Responses to “Pointless extravegance”

  1. PLEASE tell me what you think!! It looks AFUCKINGMAZING!!

  2. Not to burst your bubble, but I’ve heard that those types of toys tend to slip out of the vagina easily as they are being used to fuck another hole.

  3. […] placed the wholly unjustifiable order for an unfeasibly kinky, arse-and-pussy-fucking, pinky-purple, double dil…, and despite asking for the dispatch to be delayed so the discrete package didn’t arrive at […]

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