As I waited for the rest of the family to clear their dinner plates …
Jnr: Truth or dare?
How did Jnr get to an age where this is the game being played during lunch break at school? Jeez! Soon it’ll be time to sit down and talk about the birds and the bees. A time when, as parents we will have to open Pandora’s Box. I wonder who would be a more inappropriate educator: my Wife, cripplingly indifferent about sex, or me, cripplingly obsessed by it?

Jrn: Truth or dare?
The question was repeated.

I felt awkward, knowing the mature conventions of the game, and uncertain of what dares might be in store for a parent. I opted to put myself at the mercy of an innocent’s interrogation. Surely nothing difficult could be asked by one so young.

Jnr: How many ex-girlfriends have you had?

Well, that wasn’t what I expected! In an attempt to evade the question, or at least delay the need to answer, I argued the semantics of ex-girlfriends and the past possessive syntax.

As I temporarily dodged the bullet, I mused: it depended on how you define girlfriends. Does the girl you fancied when you were 7 count: the one who you never kissed but who talked to you in the playground when genders were starting to self segregate? Or the fellow student who would snuggle up next you in your bed with some excuse about her room mate’s boyfriend staying over? Do one night stands count? Or friends with benefits? How about the woman you served drinks to in a bar and with whom you enjoyed a frenzied game of tonsil hockey and a mutual grope on a park bench at 3am?

Me: I’ve never really counted.
Of course that was a complete lie. I know exactly how many women I’ve snogged, fingered, gone down on, fucked, and buggered.

Her: That was what I said.
Apparently my Wife had been required to play the same game earlier in the day. Whilst I have been far from prolific as a Casanova, I felt confident She should have had far less difficulty in counting. It’s never been discussed, but I wouldn’t be surprised if She’s barely had more boyfriends than I’ve had fingers up a pussy. It seemed we were both bluffing.

Me: Ummm …
I started to count in my head and on my fingers. Or at least to pretend to count.

Thankfully the conversation got diverted, and the question was never answered. I think next time I’ll ask for a dare. I’m sure that will be of a far less exposing nature, not like the drunken, over-sexed games I’ve been party to in the past.

4 Responses to “Truth”

  1. Those are DEFINITELY sticky situations! You don’t want to lie to your kids, but TMI isn’t good either. My suggestion is to always answer questions as well as you can and keep your fingers crossed that it doesn’t lead to a worse question. 😳🤞🏼

  2. Yes, dares at least can be shrugged off as such. 😀

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