I have to hand it to Her

A couple of weeks ago, my WP Reader has been conspicuously awash with posts about handjobs. It was only when I got to the end of the fourth (with a visceral yearning to get tossed off) that I noticed that handjobs have been Kink Of The Week. I’m not sure I get how jerking your partner off qualifies as a kink – Wikepedia describes kinkiness as …

… any unconventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies. The term derives from the idea of a “bend” (cf. a “kink”) in one’s sexual behaviour, to contrast such behaviour with “straight” or “vanilla” sexual mores and proclivities.

… whilst to me, masturbating your partner is a perfectly normal, entry level sexual activity. Unless you’re doing it in public, or when restrained, or whilst getting urinated on, or whilst dressed in rubber, it’s not kinky, and even then the kink is the risk of getting caught, or the bondage, or pissing, or rubber, and not the handjob. But one person’s vanilla is the next person’s perversion, so who is to say what’s kinky and what isn’t?

Strangely, although I can

explicitly remember countless individual sexual acts of numerous forms with each of my respective partners – fucking, oral, anal, bondage, undinism, finger banging, spanking, rimming, in bed, on the dining table, on the sofa, in a nightclub, in a car, halfway up a mountain, down the alley beside a church … the list would be long and detailed if I were to write down every individual sex act I can remember – I can recall only a handful [sorry!] of occasions when my exes gave me a handjob. The only woman I can remember jerking me off on anything like a regular occasion (and I use the term advisedly) has been my Wife.

Did I not get handjobs, or do I not remember them?

My initial thought is that, yes, each of those women mus have wrapped their hands around my inflated flesh and given it a good tug, but invariably that would have been as foreplay, as a prelude to fucking, or at least to a blowjob. Rarely did they ever just give me a wank.

Or perhaps they did.

Without exception, every other woman I’ve fucked has been far more actively motivated to … to … well … more actively motivated to fuck than my Wife. I’ve long made it a habit to give my partners their orgasms first, but it’s not impossible that because they actually wanted there to be some fuck left in me after the foreplay, and because I came more easily with them (the sex was more fun, more enthusiastic, more stimulating and more regular than with my Wife and, let’s be honest, I had proportionately more youthful virility) there was less need for them to finish me off by hand. The vast majority of times my Wife has tugged me off have been after She has had a penetrative orgasm.

It’s also not impossible that, having had what I estimate to be in excess of 10,000 wanks on my own, handjobs from exes may have subconsciously been filed under Insignificant. Conversely, now that fucking has become such a rare luxury, do I automatically memorise any sex I can get?

Whatever the reality or cause, I have to say I love a good handjob. I love fucking more, but a wank is very different. Doing it myself is indeed gratifying, and I always feel better for it. But …

It’s been hard to distil into words why a handjob is better than a wank. I think it boils done to one thing:
Breaking the feedback loop.
When we masturbate – all of us – we know what is going to work even before it does. Our hand does what it does because our cock/cunt feels what it does and we know what is going to push us over the edge before it does. This might sound like an issue of surrendering control, and to an extent I guess it is, but there’s more to it than that. When you fuck, you might be in control of the thrusting or grinding which gives you pleasure, but there is another factor – the cunt or cock that you’re fucking does its own thing too. Sometimes that’s directly in response to your own thrusting or grinding, sometimes it’s entirely independent and unforeseeable. You can’t expect to know when your partner’s cunt will clench, or their cock will dig just a little deeper, and that that will have you spilling your juices. And a handjob is much like that. I can say harder or slower or faster or gentle or slap my helmet or tug on my balls or rub my taint or finger my arsehole, or do me from behind.

But there is no inherent link between my desires, “her” hand, and my cock/balls/taint/arsehole. Even if “she” does what I ask for, it won’t be exactly what I would do myself, and in being so, the sensation is amplified. The paradox, naturally, is that whilst having someone’s hand down your pantsuk might be more pleasurable than your own, the process is also almost necessarily slower: from unzipping my fly and selecting a porn site on my smartphone to throwing 6 or 8 jizz soaked tissues in the bin can take as little as 3 or 4 minutes if I’m in a hurry, but it could easily take my Wife five times longer to shoot my load, and that’s after I’ve had the pleasure of pistoning into Her cunt for half an hour and She’s already cum.

Now the eagle eyed will have noticed I said I love a good handjob. Because a bad handjob really isn’t that much fun. When someone gives you a wank, you want to cum, right? The Unknown Kiwi, probably gave me the worst (?) handjob I’ve ever not quite enjoyed enough. But my Wife is far from an expert. Sure, She makes me cum, but She only strokes up and down with a regular rhythm, nor does She vary Her pace until I’m about to cum; She doesn’t make eye contact, hell, She doesn’t even look like She’s enjoying herself; She’s never tugged on my balls, rarely goes near my taint, and Her fingers have never ventured up my hole. Maybe I should tell Her these are the things I want. Maybe I should tell Her I want Her to wank me from behind. Maybe I’m just expecting too much of Her. Or maybe I should just be grateful that She gives me handjobs.

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