You have mail

Me: I saw your email.
It had said …

A very short shortlist – this is a therapy clubic in town.  The other counsellors I’ve found are less specialist, so this looks like the best option, but I’m happy to look for other options if you’d rather.

It was indeed a short shortlist. Just one weblink. But to be fair, I’d looked at a therapists’ directory website and been equally uninspired – very few seemed to make much of focussing on sex therapy in the context of fixing a broken marriage.

Her: I also read some articles on their website and others’. There are some other things we could try first … if you want.
Me: I’ll have a look.
If I was being cynical and unkind, I’d think there were already signs that She was trying to avoid talking to a stranger about sex … again. (I’d link to a particular old post here if I could find it quickly: I think it mentioned how, as we drove away from seeing a marriage guidance counsellor some years ago, my Wife said “I’m not sure I could talk to a stranger about sex.“)

Anyway, I’ve had a look, and the clinic’s website says a lot of the right things, and certainly seems to be more focussed towards sex and the link with successful relationships than many others. I’ve also looked through many of their blog articles (I assume which were what my Wife was refering to) but have struggled to find much of help.

  • There’s mention of making time for sex and scheduling it. We tried that. We failed.
  • One article metioned masturbation and sex toys as a way of getting to know your own body. The chances of my Wife trying that? Negligable.
  • Several discussed lifestyle changes to improve your sex life. None of which were rocket science, and most wouldn’t be changes for us.
  • More than one article refered to fatigue. We both know my Wife is tired, and not without reason. So am I. But there’s not much more I can do to help Her on that front. Even when I offer help or opinion, I’m not infrequently met with rebuttal.
  • There were a couple of articles which made sense but, almost exclusively, their validity for Us was undermined by the fact that they assumed very different pre-fixing-a-broken-marriage circumstances. They assumed a loss of libido, as opposed to a lack of libido. They assumed traditional domestic and ecconomic gender roles. They assumed We were not Us. And so much of what they assume would affect my Wife actually affects me, and visa versa, but without they stymptoms being similarly transposed. 

So sadly, I found little to help. And again wondered if these articles were being offered as chaff.

Whatever any of this means, and despite there has been no subsequent discussion, we do at least have a starting point, and a possible route. All we now need to do is get through the starting gate.

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