Stumbling and struggling

Me: I did some reading on self-help and had another look at the links on the sex therapy clinic’s website.  I struggled to find much of use.

The best suggestion I found was one She’d cherry-picked Herself – making time for our relationship. Doubtless good advice. But if We’re talking about making time for sex, We’ve tried scheduling sex a couple of times and that’s lasted no more than a few fucks. We need to deal with the why.
Other advive discussed female dysfuction but if She’s not able to identify that Herself, or not prepared to entertain any of the suggestions (masturbation, sext toys, a large glass of wine, positions, have fun, porn, lingerie) then I’m really not in a position to tell Her if She needs fixing.
Some dealt with male dysfunction, but didn’t apply – I don’t suffer from PE or ED and, judging by online advice, I’m not an addict.
And when there was discussion of not getting enough, there were phrases like if you’ve got to the point where you’re only having sex 4 or 5 times a month … Jeez!!! We barely manage 4 or 5 fucks a year! If the self-help articles assume that, we’re really not starting from the same page.
Anyway, it seems obvious to me that there’s something deeper that needs addressing. Something(s) I’m certainly not qualified to untangle!

Her: I just thought there might be things we could talk about before we went to see someone.
Me: If there’s someting you think is worth trying thats I’m happy to try it but I struggled to find anything.
Her: If it’s all too difficult without help from someone else …
Me: If there’s something specific you want to try …
Her: I can’t remember specifics. I’ll need to go back and have another look.

Maybe I’m being harsh. But it feels a bit like avoidance on Her part. Sure, we can make time for eachother, but what does that mean? And how will it address the route causes? She acknowledges the disparity of out libidos, but I honestly don’t believe Us just making time for our relationship well even scratch the surface.

4 Responses to “Stumbling and struggling”

  1. In exactly the same position myself. The ‘we need to try harder’ approach isn’t getting me anywhere either. For me I think addressing why it isn’t happening rather than how it should happen has got to be the key…but convincing him to do that is another story.

    • Agreed. Our “why” is what needs discussing. Deal with the cause (if possible), rather than the symptoms.
      It is, however, more acceptable in western society, to think of a lack of desire in women as a choice, as opposed to lack of male libido which is generally regarded as dysfunction. (Or maybe I’m just biassed at the moment.)

    • Devon Whitehall Says:

      I think you’re right on that front, my optimistic self would like to think it’s changing. On both sides though there seems to be a stigma attached to accepting help from outside the marriage with sex. I literally have no idea how to move forward, nothing we’ve tried between the two of us has improved the situation, and he refuses to seek help elsewhere.

    • I think men are conditioned to be self reliant: women have support networks within their social circles whilst men have mates at the pub. There’s a huge difference between the two, especially in terms of what is discussed.

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