Another day, another fight

It doesn’t even matter why it started. It doesn’t matter what it was about. It was probably my fault – I’m just feeling so entrenched at the moment that She could probably say exactly the right thing and I’d take it as exactly the wrong thing and then We would spiral off into tit for tat mud slinging.
Maybe She said the wrong thing?

Somehow we got to the topic of when we are going to see a counsellor. I complained that we could have done something a month ago when it was first discussed but it has taken Her so long that now, when we are at our worst and we most need help, we were now looking at waiting till January.
[Is it fair that I’m expecting Her to make the appointment? On the surface, possibly not. But, the school run notwithstanding, my diary is almost infinitely flexible, whilst She has meetings and appointments and visits and whatever else goes into a CEOs diary, for which I have neither access nor prerogative. So even if it isn’t fair, it’s pragmatic.]
It’s like She’s been putting it off.
I said so.
Something like Well you do it then! came back at me.
I had to ask when She had space in Her diary. She said She’d need to check. The conversation ended and She walked away.
From Her bedroom, She texted me Her available times.
I walked upstairs to find Her and asked for clarification.

Meanwhile …

One of my best mates sent me a text checking our address for Xmas cards. I couldn’t be arsed to text back so I phoned him.
He commented that I sounded down and asked if I was ok. I said no. He asked why and I choked up completely as I told him the problem was my marriage.
We talked for an hour and a half.
It helped.
Well, in the moment it helped
It didn’t fix anything, obviously, but at least I had a chance to get a load of shit off my chest. (Basically edited highlights of the last month’s blog posts. Hell! I even mentioned that I’d been blogging about this stuff for 6yrs!)

Part way through the conversation, out of the corner of my eye I noticed my Wife open the kitchen door, and on realising I was on the phone, retreat and close it. I don’t know what She heard. I doubt She could have known who I was talking to, but I doubt She wouldn’t have known I was talking about Us and Her.

The next morning I phoned the sex therapy clinic. And inevitably I struggled to make an appointment without access to my Wife’s diary. I emailed Her the possible times.

4 Responses to “Another day, another fight”

  1. Sending you hugs and wishing all the best for you.

  2. Well, maybe knowing you are talking about your marriage will be a plus for her not to want to postpone therapy, hoping she may be seen as a ‘good guy’.
    Then, my thought went to: it helped you to talk about it with a friend. The risk is that it will hinder said friend’s relationship to your wife. Which is where a therapist (for you) could come in handy.

    Also, the more I read the more I feel like your wife has many similarities with my ex. I remember trying to make appointments with a couple’s therapist only to be told that they couldn’t make the appointment without my ex’s schedule, ir being told by him it was too expensive anyways.
    I feel for you. Feel I’ve been there. Wish there was anything I could to help you.

    But the only thing I CAN do is… send HUGS.
    You are cared for. Even if not your wife.

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