A perfect storm

To Her credit, I think She’s been trying in the last couple of weeks. She has overtly said appreciative things. She has said thank you. A couple of times She has seemed to rein Herself in to a small degree.
When She gets home from work, She generally passes the kitchen window, and I’m generally cooking for the rest of the family. Tonight She commented on …
For the last couple of months, I’ve been engaged in physical labour. Normally I pilot a desk.
Between cooking and having turned the heating up for winter, I was unusually in a T-shirt, without a sweater. It happened to be one of my tighter T-shirts. When She came in from work, She had obviously seen me through the kitchen window and She commented on the fact that I’m bulking up (in a good way).
She noticed me.

She was heading out for drinks with the girls.
[Ed: For the record, She doesn’t do “drinks with the girls”, because describing women as girls is pejorative and patriarchal. But let’s not go there just now.]
In Her absence I was watching trash-TV. The main female character was laid up in bed. Her male counterpart put his hand on her shoulder and stroked her hair. Watching this, it struck me that there’s a hole in my world that She’s suppose to fill.

I have consumed a little alcohol. (Less than I often consume – I’m trying to cut down.) She’s out with friends, so will have likely consumed more alcohol than if She was with just me. (For years I have found it painfully apparent that She will consume far more alcohol when in the company of others than in just mine. I’m not suggesting that She avoids getting drunk with me, but rather that She doesn’t avoid it when out with other people.)
It reminded me how, maybe 15yrs ago, we got home from a party, both of us somewhat drunk. She was wearing a miniskirt (something I can’t imagine Her doing now, though for reasons which I suspect run deeper than for many taking that stance). I mock-chased Her upstairs, enjoying the view up Her skirt, both of us giggling. And as I slid my cock into Her cunt, She drunkenly said the most alluring thing She has ever said to me – Fuck me hard and deep. 

And I’m horny right now.
Having found recently that, with the luxury of sleeping on my own and the consequent unimpeded masturbation at least once a day, I felt less horny, it seems that was transient. Today I’ve felt particularly horny, and I have had a physical yearning not only to drive my cock hard and deep into my Wife’s cunt … not just any cunt, but specifically my Wife’s cunt … I also have also had a visceral, physical yearning to have kinky sex with Her. Kinky sex. With Her!

But I can’t engage with Her right now. Tonight qI have to go to bed before She gets home. I can barely look Her in the eye when we talk most days.

We are 3 days away from our first appointment with the sex therapist … or whatever She wants to label them. There is so much going though my head. So much that’s tied up in anger and blame. So much I feel needs to be said, and so much I suspect I shall swallow. But there is a grain of hope. Because I still want Her. Emotionally and physically.

3 Responses to “A perfect storm”

  1. It is indeed a good place to start, wanting HER.
    Good luck in 3 days.

  2. corsetandstockings Says:

    Your last comment says it all…yet I didn’t think you’d use those words…

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