Homework

At the end of our first therapy session We were sent away with 3 bits of homework.

  1. Say something positive and affirming to each other once each day.
  2. Try a 5 Languages of Love online quiz, because usually people give what they want to get back, and it’s useful to understand how we communicate affection.
  3. And to write three lists of threes:
    • 3 things we want to keep
    • 3 things we want to discard
    • 3 things we want to introduce

We conspicuously failed to say something positive and affirming about each other later that day. A coupke of things came to mind – both how I’d both wanted to say She looked nice [Ed: Isn’t that just one of the worst words in the English language!] and felt there was an AM’s Wife shaped hole in my life the other night – but one felt dangerously close to objectifying Her and the other was way to BIG to say just yet. And whilst it would be both simple and accurate to say When I jerked off this morning, I was fantasizing about fucking You, that probably isn’t the right thing to say either.
I struggled to come up with much.
Inevitably the first hand She played was a royal flush, saying how She liked that I do one of those little Xmas things that dads do for their kids. I was slightly humbled.
The next day, my best effort was mid peri-argument – that I still want to sleep with Her, and I still want to have sex with Her – but that was really used as a stick with which to metaphorically beat Her. So it really failed as an approbation.
Over the next few days, most of our affirmations weren’t much more than Thank Yous. It felt like we were struggling.

I’m not very good at things like the 5 Languages of Love quiz. If I know what the answers lead to it can influence my choices, and when I don’t I will deconstruct the questions so I do. A clear case of Schröodinger’s Pussy.
I did the quiz. With maximum possible scores of 12, it said my languages of love are …

9 – Physical Touch
9 – Words of Affirmation
6 – Quality Time
3 – Acts of Service
3 – Receiving Gifts

Nothing greatly shocking, when it comes to what I want to receive from a relationship – I’m physical, like to know what I do is appreciated and dont care about gifts. But whilst I agree with Sue’s assertion that we often give what we want to receive, for me, it’s not entirely true. I get far more from giving gifts than receiving them and will spend an inordinate amount of time getting them right. With sex, I’d rather give oral sex than receive it (not that I dislike getting sucked off – far from it!) and my partner’s orgasms are more important than my own. And I like to do things for other people, but as a general principal feel more appreciated if I’m thanked than if there is reciprocity.

As for the list of three threes …
Keep
I struggled with this. All I could come up with was …

  1. Our marriage

Not a great wy to start. Youd think i could come up with more, but that’s going to tqke some thinking. Which doubtless speaks volumes.
Discard
This was considerably easier. Perhaps too easy.

  1. Hierarchy
  2. The sense that I could ever objectify or depersonalise my Wife, with such things like buying Her lingerie or using the word Wife when it is intended to convey a differentiation between someone I live with and someone to whom I have chosen to spend the rest of my life. 
  3. A regular sense that I’m an irritation and that I’ve said something wrong when I try to be affectionate or caring, or when I just plainly have done nothing wrong.
  4. Rejection. Or maybe the two above boil down to that.

I suspect i could add several other things to this least with ease, and I’m not sure they are the most important. So more work to be done.
Introduce
There are so many things I’d like to introduce. Rubberwear. Vibrators. Handcuffs. Butt plugs. Chastity cages. Strap-ons. Ball stretchers. Face sitting. The list goes on … and on … and on … and actually, the only one of those I’d really actively want to introduce into our relationship is introducing my tongue into Her cunt. Even rubber I could happily forsake for just good, old fashioned, regular, enthusiastic, uninhibited sex.
But that’s obviously not what the question was about. So …

  1. A sense of Us.
  2. Us time.
  3. Trust.
  4. Good, regular, enthusiastic, uninhibited sex. Including cunnilingus!
  5. … and yeah, some kinky stuff like rubber fetishwear.

Of the Three Threes, this last is the easiest. But may still need some more thought.

And we have another week before our next therapy session. Plenty of time for reflection before the dog eats my homework.

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